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Original poster

Really don't want to go on this hen do

734 replies

AngelicaSchuyler1 · 26/08/2022 11:37

Hen do woes...

My best friend is getting married in November.

She has booked a hen weekend for Oct in a city 2 hours from where we live, we are staying in a big house and there's a spa and swimming pool, hot tub, nice restaurant on site etc.

We've all had to pay £189 each to stay in this house for two nights, plus costs of driving there etc.

My friend was originally in the group on FB messenger but has since left so we can organise surprises etc for her. One of the other hens has decided to take charge and Im actually dreading going because she's turning it into a total tacky chav fest.

She has already bought us penis whistles, feather boas, t -shirts with "funny" names on them (e.g. Juicy Jenny, Hannah the Whore, Slaggy Sam) and is insisting we wear them when we eat at the restaurant on the first night. This is a NICE restaurant and not cheap. She has also bought a penis costume and is insisting the bride can wear it to the restaurant and it will be "such a laugh". She bought all of this tat without asking us first and now wants us all to send her the money for it.

A couple of us have piped up and said we want to wear nice outfits to the restaurant but this hen is insisting that we do all of the above to make the bride laugh, and that we can wear the t-shirts over our outfits. And she's not going to be returning any of the items and we need to each pay a share for what she's bought.

Added to that, this hen is also insisting we all chip in for a male stripper, which will cost £40 each and his performance will be maximum 20 minutes! I have flat out refused to pay for this and the group chat got a bit tense as the hen was insisting we do it.

I know my best friend and yeah she might find the above funny when we're all in the house together but I also think she will be embarrassed arriving to the restaurant dressed as a cock and got the impression from her she wanted a more classy weekend enjoying the facilities on site and having a nice meal together.

I've never met this other hen before but I already dislike her and she is really putting me off going to the hen weekend. She is really bossy and all of her ideas are tacky and hideous.

Do I tell my best friend what the other hen is planning and potentially ruin the surprise for her but give her fair warning? Or do I keep my mouth shut and just try to enjoy the weekend as best I can?

OP posts:
Pipsquiggle · 26/08/2022 15:35

@Luredbyapomegranate RTFT - things have moved on somewhat but I do agree that treating Cowhen like a teenager might be a good suggestion

sunglassesonthetable · 26/08/2022 15:36

This is the like the plot to Bridesmaids Two... Do you think Cowhen will buy kittens for everyone that goes to 'The Other Hen Do'?

Omg! yessss!

OP please come back and tell us what's happened.

wherearebeefandonioncrisps · 26/08/2022 15:38

The poor bride is going to be mortified at this whole situation.
Wait and see what she says and step away from all this group chat stuff.

As an aside, henzilla's idea of a cracking hen do is really not nice at all. Aside from being very dated it's also tacky and grubby. Also rather embarrassing too.
Wearing penis costumes and vile-sloganned t-shirts is not in keeping with todays anti-misogyny messages.
Can't imagine women liking seeing men in vagina costumes and sporting t-shirts saying 'Shagger Sean.'

I hope your friend doesn't get too upset about it all.
Good luck for this shitty situation.

Sandrine1982 · 26/08/2022 15:39

Is this for real?

notanothertakeaway · 26/08/2022 15:40

I've just seen your update

I think best to tell bride that unfortunately, there are differences of opinion which are causing difficulty and ask her to (1) rejoin the group chat and (2) clarify what she wants to do. Then settle a budget, and stick to that

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 26/08/2022 15:45

AngelicaSchuyler1 · 26/08/2022 14:16

Update. CowHen has gone literally insane.

I replied to her last text and said "Organising the hen do is the role of the bridesmaids which is myself and Other Bridesmaid, unfortunately Bride is not going to enjoy any of the things you have planned and hasn't asked for any of them either. As we both want to give Bride the best hen, please leave with myself and Other Bridesmaid and we will keep you updated in the group chat. Hope you are able to get refunds for the items you have bought as they won't be used. Thank you".

CowHen left me on read but I got a message from Other Bridesmaid about half an hour later asking why I've dropped out of the hen weekend. I asked her what was she talking about and she sent me screenshots. CowHen has set up another group chat, left me out of it and put the first message "Angelica can no longer attend hen weekend so set up a new group for us girls that are going to make the effort for Bride. Can you all send me £75, so I can put deposit down for stripper and also to cover costs of items Ive bought. My bank details are Thanks ladies xXx".

Ive messaged Bride but she is at work and can't access her phone during shifts. Ive told Other Bridesmaid that I have NOT dropped out of the hen weekend and sent her screenshots of what CowHen sent to me.

Im going to remove CowHen from original group chat and tell the other hens to NOT send her any money and that she is trying it on.

This whole thing is turning out to be a nightmare.

Please put a message in the original chat saying that you haven't dropped out but that because of other hen's behaviour you're going to have to discuss the weekend with the bride.
Make it well know that you aren't being BULLIED out of your best friends hen do by some stuck up cow who wants it all her way.

mummabubs · 26/08/2022 15:47

Wow, I posted just before your update. She's fifty shades of crackers eh. And manipulative to boot. I think bride needs to probably be made aware that you've been uninvited by cowhen... Pretty sure uninviting a bridesmaid without the bride's permission is something that I'd want to know about were it my hen do being planned 🤦🏻‍♀️ Good luck OP, I don't envy you right now!!

Blowthemandown · 26/08/2022 15:48

@AngelicaSchuyler1 I think you were right to intervene but unfortunately you will have come across a bit heavy handed. Chucking her out of the group won’t work and is the same as she has done? Discuss with bride. You all need to go and get on. Other person shouldn’t have bought the stuff without agreement. But also you could have stuck with the ‘she will not like it’ rather than ‘we’re in charge’. She can’t force you or bride to wear it. And she can’t chuck you out. But the bride is the one to deal with her - not you. I hope you can sort it out - best of luck.

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 26/08/2022 15:49

While I don't really have a problem with OTT hen do attire myself, people do have to take into consideration that it isn't appropriate out in the wild. It has a time and a place and a nice restaurant is not appropriate.

As the stuff has been bought, I probably would have had everyone wearing the t-shirts in the house and the penis costume as a forfeit for the loser in a game or something (like they have to wear it for 30 mins or something).

Original poster
AngelicaSchuyler1 · 26/08/2022 15:50

I've text Bride with screenshots of everything that's happened and asked her what she wants to do moving forwards. I haven't suggested that CowHen doesn't come to the hen as you're all right, that is Bride's choice to make.

Bride clocks off at I think 7pm tonight so I'll update with what she says.

Other Bridesmaid has messaged to say CowHen is sending links in the other chat of party games and other tat bits, asking what the other hens think?? As if nothing has happened at all and this is completely normal. 🤔

OP posts:
AlexandriasWindmill · 26/08/2022 15:50

Your inability to even consider that you don't know everything about the bride or that she may think differently from you about some things has partly contributed to this mess.
You can still step back from the drama, prioritise the bride and help this get back on track. Or, you know, you can continue to play the 'I know her better than everyone' angle and ramp it all up.
What surprises did you organise for the bride?

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 26/08/2022 15:50

Oh, and maybe ask other bridesmaid to comment in the new group that you haven't backed out of the hen do and the official hen do group chat is the original including Angelica. Please no more splitting the groups up and for everyone to remember to put their egos aside to make things special for bride.

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 26/08/2022 15:52

AngelicaSchuyler1 · 26/08/2022 15:50

I've text Bride with screenshots of everything that's happened and asked her what she wants to do moving forwards. I haven't suggested that CowHen doesn't come to the hen as you're all right, that is Bride's choice to make.

Bride clocks off at I think 7pm tonight so I'll update with what she says.

Other Bridesmaid has messaged to say CowHen is sending links in the other chat of party games and other tat bits, asking what the other hens think?? As if nothing has happened at all and this is completely normal. 🤔

Have you put a message in the original group saying that this is the correct group and to keep all chats to here since you and other BM are organising the event?

Lunabun · 26/08/2022 15:52

OP I don't want to be rude/insensitive as I know this must be stressful for you, but I have to tell you that I'm very invested in this 🤣 I will be counting down the hours until the bride clocks off

PatientlyWaiting21 · 26/08/2022 15:52

AngelicaSchuyler1 · 26/08/2022 15:50

I've text Bride with screenshots of everything that's happened and asked her what she wants to do moving forwards. I haven't suggested that CowHen doesn't come to the hen as you're all right, that is Bride's choice to make.

Bride clocks off at I think 7pm tonight so I'll update with what she says.

Other Bridesmaid has messaged to say CowHen is sending links in the other chat of party games and other tat bits, asking what the other hens think?? As if nothing has happened at all and this is completely normal. 🤔

Cowhen sounds unhinged!!

I feel bad for the bride, this should be fun, it’s now drama!

YellowTreeHouse · 26/08/2022 15:53

Other Bridesmaid should be explaining what has happened in the new group. She’s just letting this happen.

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 26/08/2022 15:53

AlexandriasWindmill · 26/08/2022 15:50

Your inability to even consider that you don't know everything about the bride or that she may think differently from you about some things has partly contributed to this mess.
You can still step back from the drama, prioritise the bride and help this get back on track. Or, you know, you can continue to play the 'I know her better than everyone' angle and ramp it all up.
What surprises did you organise for the bride?

Are you CowHen?

PatientlyWaiting21 · 26/08/2022 15:53

Lunabun · 26/08/2022 15:52

OP I don't want to be rude/insensitive as I know this must be stressful for you, but I have to tell you that I'm very invested in this 🤣 I will be counting down the hours until the bride clocks off

@Lunabun same 😂 off to the shops for my popcorn 🍿

sunglassesonthetable · 26/08/2022 15:57

Your inability to even consider that you don't know everything about the bride or that she may think differently from you about some things has partly contributed to this mess.
You can still step back from the drama, prioritise the bride and help this get back on track. Or, you know, you can continue to play the 'I know her better than everyone' angle and ramp it all up.
What surprises did you organise for the bride

Hmm, not much to do with a rampaging CowHen on the loose then.

WishDragon · 26/08/2022 15:57

Waiting for 7pm…

Confusion101 · 26/08/2022 15:57

If I was invited to this hen, I would be lose my 189 and bow out of it. Such bloody drama!!! Must be so uncomfortable for the other people invited wondering what the hell is going on.

You did the right thing telling the bride but once she makes her decision about it all, you all need to make it as stress free for her as possible! So unfair on her to be caught between 2 friends, even though one is bat shit crazy and completely in the wrong!

Brideandpredjudice · 26/08/2022 16:03

If nothing else, Cowhen now has a name for her T-shirt

Motorcycleemptyness · 26/08/2022 16:05

AlexandriasWindmill · 26/08/2022 15:50

Your inability to even consider that you don't know everything about the bride or that she may think differently from you about some things has partly contributed to this mess.
You can still step back from the drama, prioritise the bride and help this get back on track. Or, you know, you can continue to play the 'I know her better than everyone' angle and ramp it all up.
What surprises did you organise for the bride?

I actually agree with this. You need to chill out a bit.

The tacky hen sounds like my idea of hell and I’d rather re-sit my a-levels than attend it, HOWEVER, you are not the moral guardian of good taste and if I were you I’d probably have put it to the other bridesmaid/others in the group before responding OR asked the bride how she wants the hen weekend to be. She probably doesn’t want this drama amongst people she classes as a close friends over a few tacky T-shirts (and I assume she does class the other woman as a close friend however much you might be bleating on here about how she’s your friend more than hers).

I’d point blank refuse to pay for/watch the stripper, though.

WildWombat · 26/08/2022 16:05

CowHen is actually a raving lunatic. It doesn't matter how long you and she have each known the bride. What matters is the fact that the bride chose you to be her bridesmaid not CowHen, so CowHen either accepts that you and the other bridesmaid you are responsible for the arrangements, or she refuses the invitation. Bonkers.

Scepticalwotsits · 26/08/2022 16:05

Brideandpredjudice · 26/08/2022 16:03

If nothing else, Cowhen now has a name for her T-shirt

They could dress up as cow and chicken characters

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