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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have been on my phone while driving

206 replies

Ihaveaquestionn · 25/08/2022 22:29

Okay okay… I know I was being unreasonable but I want to know what might happen next

I was Driving from nursery drop-off to pick up a prescription - turned onto the road where the doctors surgery and pharmacy are located.

I got a call from nursery and answered using hands free in my car but it wasn’t connecting so I picked up my phone from the seat next to me. I spoke to my daughters key worker briefly (around 30 seconds) while driving about 5mph slowly into a car park.

I noticed a man in a parked car (he was parked mounted on the kerb and idling!!!) was very obviously talking to his passenger about me being on the phone while driving and looked like he was taking a photo of me! He was holding his phone up sideways in my direction.

What will happen if he reports me? As I said I know what I did was wrong but he was also breaking the law by sitting there with his engine on!

OP posts:
amicissimma · 26/08/2022 12:47

"Nothing will happen, how could anyone know if you were moving at the time for instance?"

It doesn't matter whether or not you were moving. My friend got 6 points on her licence and a fine for using her phone when stopped at a red traffic light with the engine stopped.

JimJamJollyWolly · 26/08/2022 12:50

chillipenguin · 26/08/2022 12:41

Yup. People who have been there trying to stop others going through it. Bless his heart.

Show quote history

Completely agree, I hope his community appreciate him!

mountainsunsets · 26/08/2022 12:50

Discovereads · 26/08/2022 12:28

We have a retired man in our neighbourhood who cruises about on a bicycle and takes photos of people using their mobile phone whilst driving. He’s told me he’s clocked over 50 fines to me as he does send on a photo of the person driving while on a handheld phone with a photo of the car registration to the local police. And they do act on them, he has their full support.

I thought he was a bit of a busy body until another neighbour told me he lost his 11yr old daughter to a distracted driver on their phone hitting & killing her walking home from school. Now I understand his motivation is to prevent anyone else being the dead child, grieving child’s parent or a driver that killed a child.

Bless him, that's so sad.

southlondonerhere · 26/08/2022 12:52

@Ihaveaquestionn 'Yes I was holding a phone but no more distracted than I would have been on hands free!'

This comment implies that you actually don't think what you did was wrong

BaileySharp · 26/08/2022 12:53

Scaring you might have been enough for them. If they do report who knows if police will be bothered. I have heard stories of them still giving points and fine for situations when people are stopped becuase the engine was still on so the low speed might not matter.
Next time, if the handsfree doesn't work say "sorry I'll call back!". Hang up. Park safely. Ring back. Your child will be fine for 5 minutes. I sometimes miss calls from nursery if I'm at work becuase part of my job involves seeing patients and I can't be on my phone. It's fine, they either ring my husband or I call them back when I can to find out the problem.

southlondonerhere · 26/08/2022 12:53

@Paul85 what kind of grown up adult cares about being a 'grass'?

YellowTreeHouse · 26/08/2022 12:56

YABU and he was right to take a photo of you.

You’re getting defensive because you don’t actually think you were doing anything wrong (as much as you try to protest otherwise) because you were going slow and don’t think you could have caused an accident.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 26/08/2022 13:03

If you were in an empty car park why on earth didn’t you pull into one of the many empty spaces? Why would you continue driving, regardless of how slowly, when you could have pulled over or stopped the car without any effects? I can maybe understand answering a phone call but then to talk for 30 seconds when you’re literally in an empty car park so could just pull over/ stop to talk seems wilfully dismissive of the law.

Lasttraintolondon · 26/08/2022 13:04

If he took a video you absolutely could be fined. It's admissible evidence. There's a guy on you tube who does exactly that called CyclingMikey. Regardless of your views the videos are compelling. I'll include the link but don't know if rules will allow it to stay:

Meanwhile, everyone makes mistakes and I'm sure you'll not do it again. I almost never speed and yet the other day I did 35 in a 30 and behold there was a police camera there. That's on me and I'll be more careful next time.

CaptaNoctem · 26/08/2022 13:04

I will video ( or at least pretend to) people like you.

I haven't actually reported anyone but I hope they get a few sleepless nights worrying about if I will and maybe think twice about doing it again

TheKeatingFive · 26/08/2022 13:06

The chances of anything coming of this are tiny OP, so I wouldn't worry.

Just the lesson for the next time.

southlondonerhere · 26/08/2022 13:09

gatehouseoffleet · 26/08/2022 09:59

OP you can guarantee that nearly all the sanctimonious people posting on here will have used their mobile phones at some point or other, if only to call someone to tell them they are stuck in a traffic jam (still illegal even though not dangerous).

I don't like people driving while using a mobile phone, but in the circumstances you describe you weren't going to hit anyone - it's very different to driving along a road doing it. Although I don't know why you just didn't stop if you were in a car park.

Whereas the idiot parked on the pavement and idling could kill people by polluting their lungs and forcing people to walk in a busy road. Glasshouses and stones (I am glad you took a picture of him!).

In future put your phone in the boot and then you can't answer it while driving.

This is the thing isn't it, people who do wrong justify it to themselves by saying that everyone does it at some point. People who cheat tell themselves that everybody cheats at some point, people who lie tell themselves that everybody lies, people who use their phones whilst driving tell themselves that everybody has done it at some point. Well, actually, no, not everybody does it or has done it at some point. You can tell yourself that all you like but it doesn't make it true.

BigSkies2022 · 26/08/2022 13:16

Not the point of the thread, but I am not convinced that even hands-free telephone conversations while doing something as potentially dangerous as driving is a good idea. Perhaps I lack multi-tasking skills, but if I"m driving at high speeds, or even at 25mph but in an area I don't know very well, I want my focus on the road, not on the conversation coming through. Yet I know very responsible people who will conduct quite critical work-related calls, requiring a lot of their attention, while driving. I don't think this is a good idea!

Lullabies2Paralyze · 26/08/2022 13:22

Generally hate people on phones when driving. Can always spot them on motorway swerving, not keeping up with speed of traffic, and looking down at lap

but in your scenario given the speed and location and who was ringing the I would also have probably answered

i doubt anything would happen, not even sure if he can report it tbh. I think it’s one of those things where police only do something if they actually see it in act….the dash cam videos on YouTube always show other people on phone in more dangerous scenarios and I seriously doubt anything gets done about them

vitahelp · 26/08/2022 13:22

@BigSkies2022 I do agree with your point, however you could also argue that talking to passengers is just as bad, if not worse as the chance of turning to look at them whilst talking or to read their expression, is greater. So I can see why hands free calls have never been banned, and probably never will.

FlipFlopShopInHawaii · 26/08/2022 13:26

If you were driving into a car park surely you could have waited 10 seconds to pull the over and take the call? Hindsight is wonderful and all that.... so for next time, don't pick up your phone. It's unlikely anything will happen.

BigSkies2022 · 26/08/2022 13:26

@vitahelp - well, yes, I take your point, which is why, if I'm driving in circumstances that require lots of concentration, I'm quite likely to excuse myself from talking for the time, and ask for music/radio to be turned off. Like I say, I am probably not great at multi-tasking. But there is a lot of research around showing that attention bestowed on a hands-free call is attention taken from the road; so I think any employer that asks employees to be available on their phone while on the road should desist.

6ixty9ine · 26/08/2022 13:27

Hands free is not exactly the same as passengers. Yes, passengers can still distract but they are in the car with you. If there's a hazard, they can also see it. You don't have to adjust your passenger when you talk to them etc. Calls are often louder than what's going on outside, it is more distracting imo.

Interesting video Lasttraintolondon, I think I'll have to binge some more now

Mariposista · 26/08/2022 13:27

This time you will probably get away with it - although you don't deserve to! Take it as a massive learning experience - keep your phone in the boot if you can't be tempted to keep your hands off it. NO call is so urgent that it can't wait until you pull over.

6ixty9ine · 26/08/2022 13:28

I'll also add, anyone who sits there driving whilst looking at the passenger talking is just plain stupid. I look at them as I'm looking into the left hand mirror, that's clearly dangerous to be staring at them talking though

Original poster
Ihaveaquestionn · 26/08/2022 13:40

JimJamJollyWolly · 26/08/2022 12:20

That was deleted fast. Showed your true colours there OP. This is either a wind up or an idiot (or of course both).

I would say… both to be honest

all of the above is true but yes I am being a bit of a wind up

OP posts:
FashionDisaster · 26/08/2022 13:43

6ixty9ine · 26/08/2022 13:28

I'll also add, anyone who sits there driving whilst looking at the passenger talking is just plain stupid. I look at them as I'm looking into the left hand mirror, that's clearly dangerous to be staring at them talking though

I agree, I've been a passenger of a friend who likes to chat and look at me when she's driving! I'm like stop watching me and watch the bloody road!

I prefer being the driver.

mummyh2016 · 26/08/2022 13:46

@SavoirFlair the same poster also agreed with another poster who called her a dangerous idiot and called herself stupid. I can only assume you pick and choose what you read though yes?

Yes it is the usual MN pile on. If there are 20 posts on here telling her she's an idiot does she need another 80 posts on here saying the same thing? No. Point proven. Hate these sort of posts as I would bet my life none of you would pile on someone in person yet because it's online it's okay. Cowards.

JimJamJollyWolly · 26/08/2022 13:50

Ihaveaquestionn · 26/08/2022 13:40

I would say… both to be honest

all of the above is true but yes I am being a bit of a wind up

Show quote history

How is that working out for you?

mummyh2016 · 26/08/2022 13:54

@SavoirFlair and I agree with the OP when she said wouldn't she be as distracted if talking on hands free. The only difference imo is that you're using 1 hand to hold the phone. In terms of distraction it's the same. Only difference is it's legal to use hands free. Another few years and I can see hands free being banned.