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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have been on my phone while driving

206 replies

Ihaveaquestionn · 25/08/2022 22:29

Okay okay… I know I was being unreasonable but I want to know what might happen next

I was Driving from nursery drop-off to pick up a prescription - turned onto the road where the doctors surgery and pharmacy are located.

I got a call from nursery and answered using hands free in my car but it wasn’t connecting so I picked up my phone from the seat next to me. I spoke to my daughters key worker briefly (around 30 seconds) while driving about 5mph slowly into a car park.

I noticed a man in a parked car (he was parked mounted on the kerb and idling!!!) was very obviously talking to his passenger about me being on the phone while driving and looked like he was taking a photo of me! He was holding his phone up sideways in my direction.

What will happen if he reports me? As I said I know what I did was wrong but he was also breaking the law by sitting there with his engine on!

OP posts:
DustinsHat · 26/08/2022 01:54

I did this, sat on the phone at a red light. Police pulled up next to me (driving from opposite side of the road, they were also sat at lights.) Said if you didn't notice us in the big fluorescent police car right in front of you how would you notice anything else? It really hit home - it's don't now, but YABU and don't do it again.

DustinsHat · 26/08/2022 01:55

Done now*

carefullycourageous · 26/08/2022 02:17

Ihaveaquestionn · 25/08/2022 23:16

Yes I was holding a phone but no more distracted than I would have been on hands free!

Show quote history

That's a ridiculous thing to say. You are UST being deliberately provocative now, IMO.

carefullycourageous · 26/08/2022 02:17

*just

Boreded · 26/08/2022 03:19

Basically you acted the clown and now what…you’re telling mumsnet? Why?

don’t do stupid stuff like that again

Sugarplumfairy65 · 26/08/2022 06:18

Hopefully he's downloaded to pictures to the police and you get 6 points and a fine

Paul85 · 26/08/2022 08:25

ilovesooty · 26/08/2022 01:48

If you thought that was me being impressed I'd question your capacity for comprehension.

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I dint really care what you think.

Sswhinesthebest · 26/08/2022 08:31

He might not have been taking a photo. You don’t know for certain.

obsessedwithsleep · 26/08/2022 08:31

Nothing is going to happen. Don't stress.

JimJamJollyWolly · 26/08/2022 09:09

Ihaveaquestionn · 25/08/2022 23:16

Yes I was holding a phone but no more distracted than I would have been on hands free!

Show quote history

So you would do it again?

I have zero tolerance for idiot drivers to be honest. (Experience of the consequences). You are only concerned that this will be reported, and you don't care at all that you have made a decision that was reckless. I report every dangerous driving offence I see and if I can get proof all the better. It has had serious consequences for the driver twice that I know of. It was their decision to be reckless so I don't feel an ounce of regret.

As for it being the nursery and you were concerned? I am not convinced by that.

Just a thought - If you know you get distracted by hands free you should not be using it. It's not illegal but it is responsible to consider that.

Original poster
Ihaveaquestionn · 26/08/2022 09:26

carefullycourageous · 26/08/2022 02:17

That's a ridiculous thing to say. You are UST being deliberately provocative now, IMO.

Show quote history

If I was driving on the motorway at 70mph or on roads using roundabouts etc and holding a phone in my hand, I can appreciate this would compromise my ability to react quickly in the sense that I wouldn’t have both hands on the steering wheel.

But if I was using hands free, my ability to react physically wouldn’t be compromised.

If I was driving 5mph, talking on the phone hands free, surely I would be just as distracted as I was holding a phone in my hand?

OP posts:
BobMortimersPocketMeat · 26/08/2022 09:32

Ihaveaquestionn · 26/08/2022 09:26

If I was driving on the motorway at 70mph or on roads using roundabouts etc and holding a phone in my hand, I can appreciate this would compromise my ability to react quickly in the sense that I wouldn’t have both hands on the steering wheel.

But if I was using hands free, my ability to react physically wouldn’t be compromised.

If I was driving 5mph, talking on the phone hands free, surely I would be just as distracted as I was holding a phone in my hand?

Show quote history

If you have a phone in your hand, you’re not in full control of the car.

It’s hard to swerve accurately to avoid a hazard using one hand on the wheel.

Your attention is on the phone and not on the road so you give yourself less reaction time to begin with anyway, and then make things more difficult for yourself by not being in control of the car.

I have no patience with any of your attempts at justification, given my experiences as set out above. I don’t believe it should be legal even to make hands free calls, to be honest, but the law hasn’t caught up with me on that yet.

You did an illegal and dangerous thing. Learn from it and be more responsible.

Would you still be attempting to justify what you did if you had woken up this morning knowing you had killed or injured someone?

Original poster
Ihaveaquestionn · 26/08/2022 09:39

BobMortimersPocketMeat · 26/08/2022 09:32

If you have a phone in your hand, you’re not in full control of the car.

It’s hard to swerve accurately to avoid a hazard using one hand on the wheel.

Your attention is on the phone and not on the road so you give yourself less reaction time to begin with anyway, and then make things more difficult for yourself by not being in control of the car.

I have no patience with any of your attempts at justification, given my experiences as set out above. I don’t believe it should be legal even to make hands free calls, to be honest, but the law hasn’t caught up with me on that yet.

You did an illegal and dangerous thing. Learn from it and be more responsible.

Would you still be attempting to justify what you did if you had woken up this morning knowing you had killed or injured someone?

Show quote history

But why on earth would I need to swerve to avoid a hazard driving 5mph?! Do you know how slow that is? I would simply slam my foot on the brake it wouldn’t make sense to even try to swerve.

OP posts:
carefullycourageous · 26/08/2022 09:52

@Ihaveaquestionn If you think what you did is fine, no one here can change your mind. You come across as a fool and a bad driver, but it is not in our power to break through your psychological defences so continue to minimise if that is what you need to do to protect your ego.

I stand by original comment - your actions were those of a dangerous idiot. Nothing you have said changes my assessment.

JimJamJollyWolly · 26/08/2022 09:55

Ihaveaquestionn · 26/08/2022 09:39

But why on earth would I need to swerve to avoid a hazard driving 5mph?! Do you know how slow that is? I would simply slam my foot on the brake it wouldn’t make sense to even try to swerve.

Show quote history

It isn't about risk of speed versus possible outcome. And it was clear you were not calculating that at the same time as choosing to answer a phone call from your DCs nursery. It's not about how you THINK you would respond. It's not about YOU perceive the risk. It is about responsible behaviour while in charge of a large piece of machinery. It is about consideration to pedestrians and other drivers. Idiots think they can argue that what they did/would do/would respond is justification for an irresponsible action. That's why the legislation is so clear.

girlmom21 · 26/08/2022 09:57

I don't believe for a second you were driving at 5mph or you wouldn't have even been bothered about posting the OP.

lickenchugget · 26/08/2022 09:57

This is ridiculous, of course you can’t be in the same control of a car if one hand is on something else.

You don’t really sound sorry, tbh, just annoyed.

And it makes NO difference that the call was from nursery.

gatehouseoffleet · 26/08/2022 09:59

OP you can guarantee that nearly all the sanctimonious people posting on here will have used their mobile phones at some point or other, if only to call someone to tell them they are stuck in a traffic jam (still illegal even though not dangerous).

I don't like people driving while using a mobile phone, but in the circumstances you describe you weren't going to hit anyone - it's very different to driving along a road doing it. Although I don't know why you just didn't stop if you were in a car park.

Whereas the idiot parked on the pavement and idling could kill people by polluting their lungs and forcing people to walk in a busy road. Glasshouses and stones (I am glad you took a picture of him!).

In future put your phone in the boot and then you can't answer it while driving.

gatehouseoffleet · 26/08/2022 10:00

girlmom21 · 26/08/2022 09:57

I don't believe for a second you were driving at 5mph or you wouldn't have even been bothered about posting the OP.

I sincerely hope she was if she was in a car park! Although a lot of people drive stupidly fast in them.

gatehouseoffleet · 26/08/2022 10:01

I don’t believe it should be legal even to make hands free calls, to be honest, but the law hasn’t caught up with me on that yet

I don't either, but then you have cars with ridiculous screens in them as well. How is legal to use those but not a mobile phone? The law is really the proverbial donkey on this!

youvebeenjammed · 26/08/2022 10:02

If you have an iPhone you can enable it to automatically detect that you are driving and it won't show you notifications. That's what mine always does when I'm driving and it's good for preventing getting distracted by messages/calls coming in. I'm not sure if Android has the same function too but it might be worth checking out if that's what you use.

PuttingDownRoots · 26/08/2022 10:04

If you were in a car park, it would have been easy to park and call back. Nurseries/schools etc are used to it. Parents get calls in business meetings, when they are on the motorway, through switchboards, on the underground... they know they can't get an immediate answer but could get a call back within a couple of minutes.

If you take anything from this... just remember you can call back.

mummyh2016 · 26/08/2022 10:06

Here we go, usual MN pile on. OP knows she's unreasonable, knows she shouldn't have done it yet it just takes 100 people on here to drill it in a bit further doesn't it.
Depending on how far away this guy was it might not be even clear from the photo/video that you were on the phone. I doubt you'll be fined, depending on how busy the police are they may send someone round to warn you of the consequences.

hewouldwouldnthe · 26/08/2022 10:06

It's easily done but unless he has video evidence, it's unlikely there is anything he can report. Ive seen lorry drivers in the motorway using their phones, so have just about given up being bothered with it. Ido t do it because I simple can't steer adequately

girlmom21 · 26/08/2022 10:08

@gatehouseoffleet she was still on the road when she answered the call according to the OP