DH accepted a new job offer 100 quid less per week but says it will eventually advance his career...

[Cruella78]

DH went back to college & studied a field related to his career... He recieved a job in his new field but the salary is 100 quid less per week that we can't afford!! He says that the salary will increase & also that he will have greater earning potential I the future... Aibu to feel uneasy about this? It feels risky.. His old salary was 80k per year & I am a sahm as I don't want to pay a fortune in childcare & we have no family support...

I want to know what career he’s in that you can retrain into and waltz into a £70k salary.

if you got a job 10 hours a week on minimum wage you could pretty much cover the £100 drop yourself

YABU and also entitled and lazy

I would advise setting up as a cleaner. Advertise on your local Facebook or Nextdoor app, minimal set up costs. I charge £15 an hour.

Two 3 hour cleans a week gives you £90 and is fantastic exercise.

As others have pointed out, your dh is in the top 10% of earners in the UK so I am struggling to summon up huge amounts of sympathy at your "plight"... It's a little tone deaf in light of the cost of living crisis many people are facing!

womenreturners.com/returners/returner-opportunities-programmes/

That's the spirit! Keep going OP....

@Cruella78 your household income is a LOT higher than most!! Your dh will earn £75k per year. That’s hardly destitute. Your dc are at school full time so instead of being lazy and getting angry at your dh for earning £75k instead of 80k, get a job!

She's not lazy, she's out of practise and lacking confidence. And she's found some positions she's going to apply for.

When my DC were young DH took a pay cut equivalent now to probably 33k to 28k. I’m very much a play safe person and was terrified. His basic is now 135k with a bonus of around 95k, he has no qualifications. I thank god every day I didn’t get my own way with that one or he would have still been driving a truck. Not badly paid admittedly but we wouldn’t have the lifestyle we do now.

if you have confidence in him, support him and get a PT job. Ten hours in retail on a weekend should make up that £100.

I am a sahm as I don't want to pay a fortune in childcare

This line works when they’re 2, not 7 and 10. And I understand that it’s something you’ve kept saying because you’re scared you’re unemployable and you’ve already admitted on this thread that you needed the kick up the arse. So I won’t prattle on about what you could have done differently in the past.

Just two days ago there was a woman posting whose husband had walked out on her and may or may not keep financially contributing and they’d just signed up for a huge mortgage and her children WERE toddlers. He’d been hinting about jobs in the Middle East, so she wouldn’t be able to even chase him down and force him to pay. So she was trying to figure out how on earth she was going to pay a £3K mortgage and £2K in childcare from a £50K salary (she can’t - she’ll have to sell up, downsize, find cheaper child care, get an au pair, who knows). But we have no idea what your mortgage is (you say large; I assume it’s larger than that), and your DC have expensive hobbies (do they add up to £2K per month), and you have 50% of your household’s earning potential going to waste since you’re not working (not an option for that woman - she’s now 100% of the adults in her household). So…

Everyone is going on about finding something for just evenings or weekends, but if you’re REALLY so worried; take anything that will give you that extra £100 a week net. So if you have to work part time and you manage to earn £400 per week, but £300 of it has to go to school clubs to care for the children… that would STILL be better because it’s building your resume so you’ll be more employable, gaining you the career you’ve been missing all this time, and it’s given you the £100 a week you were worried about. Do NOT use the excuse of, “Well, X percent would go to [some form of childcare] and I don’t want to waste money on childcare.” That’s how it works; it’s not an excuse not to take a job, and your DH should support you as well and want you to build a career.

Christ, its like feminism never happened.
Get a job, widen your horizons beyond motherhood. Your children are hardly babies, don’t you have any personal ambition?

This post resonated with me, OP.
I was a sahp for a period and felt like that.
Thankfully, that’s in the past.

There are so many free retraining opportunities for mothers, especially. Have a Google.

If he was previously earning 80k and considering taking a job at 50k or less you’d have a point but 70k is still a lot of money for most families. It’s literally more than double the national average. If you’re really that worried about the £100 a week, you could get a PT evening/weekend job.

I do admire OP for taking people's advice on board though, rather than coming up with excuses. She's literally just called a recruitment agency, that's pretty proactive! Most people would come on here, moan and move on.

Well done. A great start.

Have a look on eteach. Certainly in my area there’s a real shortage of teaching assistants and lunch time supervisors.

3 days a week as a TA would bring in around £600 and you’d get out the house, meet people etc

Single salary of 72k pa, husband who wants to better himself and provide for his family. Oh no, divorce him now, what a waster, how dare he. EYE ROLL

Unless you have upwards of 7 children, you'll be just fine. If you're not, may I suggest YOU do a college course in budgeting.

I agree, I probably started off quite hard on her but she has taken the criticism on the chin and is being proactive about doing something.

Basically OP you have no ambition apart from wanting to dodge the workplace

Tell me you haven't read OP's updates without telling me you haven't read OP's updates.

100%
Fair play to her!

Yet you still get all the idiots who can't be bothered to read a couple of updates on their high horses

I voted YANBU, because while I think what your husband has done is likely completely reasonable, it sounds like you're feeling anxious and unsure about it. Could the two of you sit down and talk about finances and the future, some time when you're both a bit relaxed and have some privacy? It might also be a good chance to talk about your going back to work, as you're thinking about it.

I switched fields in my late '20s, a different situation as I didn't have children at the time and I hadn't formally retrained, but I also took a pay cut to move to my new field. There are exceptions, but it's pretty common to have to "prove" yourself again and show you can do the specific work and demonstrate that you have experience in the new field. A lot can carry over from prior experience, but not everything. I moved from investment banking to financial technology, and did my "retraining" on the job - it took me about 18 months to get established in my new field but it was worth it. (I was a bit anxious at the time that the deviation in salary would look odd or negative to future employers who'd judge me before I had a chance to explain it, and occasionally it does, but most employers are much more flexible and understanding about non-traditional career paths than they were even 10-15 years ago).

For your own work/career/reentry plans, there's a "Back to Work" board here on MN, with lots of good advice and support about things like writing a CV, getting references, boosting self-confidence, retraining, etc. after being out of the formal job market for years (mostly SAHMs, but some others) - you might find it helpful: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/going_back_to_work

I went back to university when my kids were similar ages to yours.

It can be done. Probably worth looking at getting some qualifications. You will manage with this.

Good luck with either finding a job or getting qualifications.

Sorry if this is a repeat of what other people have said, I haven’t read every post. I would say even if you don’t start working now you should start thinking about what you will do in the future and finding some skills from adult education college or similar. Think about what would fit in well with your lives now and later.
I assume you claim child benefit even if you have to pay it back in order to get your NI paid currently. Once your youngest is 12 there is no NI contribution so you will need to work to contribute to your state pension allowance. Don’t leave yourself short.

You children are school age - the childcare costs for a bit of wraparound care are not a fortune

The solution is that its time to get yourself back to the workplace and start contributing financially.

Its hardly fair to expect your DH to do all the earning - especially with the children being at school

It took both of us working (AND paying childcare for 3 children) to achieve the lower salary level, both of us graduates!!!

Plenty of ways to make this work...

Brilliant, well done!