Neighbour demanding money

[4or5]

My neighbour is asking me to “cough up!” So earlier this month I took the DC to the beach for the day. When I arrived home there was a letter from the next door neighbour (elderly lady, lives alone) saying that all the banging from my house had caused a picture to fall off the wall, and she expected a contribution to the cost of having it reframed. I promptly popped over to get more detail. She said that it had happened at around 9:30pm the evening before and claims that there was horrendous banging coming from my house, I explained that my 20yr old DS sleeps in the room adjoining her house and that he wasn’t home until gone 11:30pm and went straight to bed, therefore he couldn’t have been banging anything. The wall between the two houses is also solid brick so I can’t see how she would hear any noise that couldn’t be heard from inside my own house, let alone cause such a vibration that it caused a picture to fly off the wall. After I explained, I thought that was the matter dealt with. Anyway yesterday she knocked round telling me that my DS has a big bill coming his way, I asked what for? and she said about the picture. (No longer asking for a contribution, wants DS to foot the whole bill) I explained again that no one was in the room so we cannot be responsible for her picture falling, her response was “So you’re not going to cough up?” I stayed polite and sympathised that her picture was broken but firmly let her know we would not be paying anything. She’s now saying she’ll get her family involved, which is fine, I will explain the same to them (If no one was there how could they be banging!) We are new to a small village and I fear this could escalate quickly into us being the scum of the village. AIBU to think it’s unfair for us to take the blame?

If she’s got any sort of medical Issues then you won’t hear from the family anyway as they’ll be aware that she’s possibly done this sort of thing before. If you do hear from her or her family then just ignore her. We once had a mirror spontaneously fall of our adjoining wall in our old house (brick built) No idea if the neighbours were even home but you just have to take these things as part and parcel of home ownership unfortunately.

We've got a neighbour like this - every bang, slam, noise is me. She's lonely, sensitised and it's escalating. Her family are in a tricky position but do not talk to us, we must look like monsters. I'm sure it will all come out eventually but it's affecting my enjoyment.

Tell her to put her picture up properly next time. Banging on a wall will not knock a properly secured picture down on the other side!

She’s deranged tell her to go away next time . Unless her family are as insane as her they won’t do anything and if they are just say I’ll call the police .

You don't need to disprove this . You've written an account so screen shot/ save this as contemporaneous account at the time if you need to use it.

Secondly Other neighbours have said she gets muddled sometimes
That is neighbour speak for she has early dementia , diagnosed or not.
You've three options.

1. Do nothing . She made a bizarre claim her family won't believe her

1. Email or send letter into local adult social services to express concerns about your neighbour who is described as muddled by other neighbours now seems to be hallucinating and hearing noises (your son was out, the wall was not being banged nor would the wall have been jumping around) and that she keeps knocking on your door muddled making a nuisance of herself demanding money. The social care team may raise it in local integrated MDT meetings for low level. They may know her and do some enquiries.

We get a number of cases via neighbours concerns like this. You can also legitimately say I was so worried about her behaviour that we contacted adult social services to any contact by family meneners. If someone from family comes round get their details (for adult social services) and pass them on and tell relatives of your concerns about her visual and auditory hallucinations. .

1. Answer her via letter stating "dear x

Please stop knocking at our door harassing us.

We do not know what you referred to on Friday (date) at 9.30pm about banging or building works or "brick walls jumping" as you have got the wrong house. As we told you and have no idea why you are demanding money from us.

We do not invite your contact, please cease and desist & leave us alone. Yours sincerely, (first name)"

If you want earthquake mischief then this.

earthquakes.bgs.ac.uk/earthquakes/dataSearch.html

Might do the trick. Alter the dates in the time box - just putting the year back by one produced 100s. In reality the vast majority are too small to be felt.

@LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

Why do you say "she's not old"?

I'm inclined to think she is starting to see or hear things, as what she believes she heard/ saw was impossible as you say. Also other Neighbours saying she is sometimes muddled is key here.

Early or moderate dementia or mild cognitive impairment can sometimes present with strange statements / auditory or visual hallucinations or delusional beliefs, as well as the person appearing "muddled" at times, as can other MH problems.

Unfortunately it sounds like your NDN will act upon those, whereas others may keep quiet but complain to family who may spot them in context with her other behaviours.

Next time she tells you to “cough up” just say we’ve had the same thing happen to two pictures that were on the wall adjoining your property “they fell off the wall with all the banging about your doing” and they are pictures by a local artist and now need reframing, when are you going to cough up? Otherwise you’ve got a big bill coming your way”

😂😂😂

She’s trying it on. Tell her to do one.

If she thinks she can get a picture professionally reframed for £100 I’d like to know where. It sounds as though she fancies a free £100.

I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s an element of early dementia. From experience of 2 relatives, getting obsessed about something they (wrongly) thought a neighbour had done was certainly a feature.

I’d just stay politely firm, OP, and if the family do get involved, continue to explain calmly and politely that your DS couldn’t possibly have been responsible.

We've had this happen too, once a frayed string, second time no idea why the picture fell, nail still in wall, middle of night no one up, no minor earthquakes or anything. We did wake when it fell as glass went everywhere. I figure someone might have bumped it earlier in the evening so it wasn't supported properly, but really no idea why it fell.

@onelittlefrog
@LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
@Dita73

PPs aren't assuming she's old or has dementia for no reason, it's in the original post and OPs second post

elderly lady, lives alone

Other neighbours have said she gets muddled sometimes

NDN is also saying she heard banging (from an empty room)

The possibility this is early dementia or other hallucination - even from acute ill health such as uti etc- would be strongly considered by any health or social care professional, if we knew the other room was empty at the time and the story - and possible other stories - were illogical / unlikely to have occurred.

Was you DS shagging 😂

Your neighbour is probably lonely ...

Most probably. And autism. And cyclic fibrosis.

I agreed I thought it was possible dementia?

Ask the other neighbour whether he noticed the state of the string hanging it, or the hook it was hanging from. Something like that is going to be a much, much more likely reason for the picture falling than banging from your house.

What a nightmare. Not getting on with next door neighbours is so stressful. But I agree you can't give in to her. Could you talk to the neighbour on her other side, or has that already been mentioned.

Subsidence? I live in a former mining area and when the mines were active pictures used to fall off the walls.

@CakeCrumbs44

£500,000 for a house, you can buy a plastic green house for £100.

which is about as relevant as your comment. She's had/going to have/wants something valuable professionally re framed, not buy some cheap frame to shove it in.

she's wrong about it being the OP's DS's fault, but reframing isn't cheap.

To be honest it made me think of dementia. My gran came up with all sorts when she was ill.

It’s a brick wall ffs.

We had an elderly neighbour who lived alone. She told us, when we moved in, that she was not going to be friendly, and we soon learned what she meant. She took to shouting abuse at me and DH whenever she saw us. She didn't have dementia, was still driving and doing volunteer work. She was just a bad tempered person.

She bad-mouthed us all round the village after one time when I told her what I thought of her after she had been verbally abusive to me in front of witnesses. It got so bad that we had to block her number after she made some abusive phone calls too.

She was well over 80, and just unpleasant. No excuses for her behaviour at all.