What can he do to show he can meet his child's needs

[SplashparkSummer]

Just looking for a bit of help and support.

It seems likely that my nephew's DS who lives with his DM is going to be taken from her care as she is struggling with her mental health. DN would like him put into his care. But he currently only sees him 3 hours per week at a contact centre. How can he show he can meet his needs? Are there specific things SW look out for. His reports from the contact centre are positive. However, SS have only observed once and it was a bad day where nephew struggled to get his DS to stop crying as it turned out he was ill. Based on this he failed his assessment.

Any advice, please?

He committed domestic violence?

Sounds that way but op is willing to give him the benefit of the doubt? Hmm.

Yes, that's true re: DV, although I suppose a positive is him never re offending with any other partner since. He was also not aggressive to that partner's DC. I've never seen him be aggressive to any of the adults or DC in our family. That isn't justifying his behaviour. But hoping that he has learnt his lesson and grown up. But I assume even not repeating the dreadful behaviour with others doesn't = 0 risk.

I have addressed the issue of the contact centre countless times. I have never said that the contact centre was used because a parent lived far away or that the NRP wanted to use the RPs house(?!) Obviously (as this is what this whole thread is about!) there are concerns!

We are in England and yes as you say mum was 17 when the baby was born. Mother and baby foster placements do not end at 18. Mum is now 20.

Yes, I'll see what is said next week.

Yes, sadly he did. Is that the correct term? It was his teenage girlfriend so they weren't living together. But it's the same thing isn't it? He disclosed to SS so presumably they count it like that?

And no, it's not me giving him the benefit of the doubt it is Social Services. They are assessing him, not me and I would like them to do so with all the information.

We are waiting for her assessment from the CMHT.

Why will you be privy to her confidential medical information though, OP? Or him? Don't get it.

Op has said she is close to his ex-partner sand it sounds like they talk to each other.

Op I've sent you a pm, I have some experience of a similar situation

I promise I have read every post by the OP.

If there is a child protection plan in place, what category was it under and was your nephew actively involved? Did he have copies of the plans, attend core group meetings, case conferences? How long has he been on a CP plan?
Currently the local authority don't share PR, so if they go to court to get it via an interim care order, and seek to remove from mum and place with a foster carer rather than with dad then they need to convince the court first that he is at significant risk of harm from dad.

I'm supporting mum with her mental health so that's what I mean 'we' as in me and her. I will go with her to the assessment (unless she changes her mind of course).

Well clearly not enough!

If the mum was 17 when the baby was born the fact that a 21 year old was dating a child is also a huge concern. Not only that but he has previously committed domestic violence towards another child he was dating.

The picture does appear to be getting worse.

@Simonjt that's a bit of a leap.
Op has referred to nephew having a difficult childhood, you have no idea of his emotional maturity and whether there was a power imbalance in their relationship.

I'm in no way defending perpetrators of abuse. All parents who face losing their children to the state have the right to prove if they can change to be able to care for their children. If you think that's wrong, try thinking about it from the child's perspective - being removed from parents has life long consequences and should only ever be a last resort.

I think some people are giving op a hard time in unnecessarily here. she is clearly trying to support both parents through the process with social care. A terrifying and uni setting process for any parent but especially hard for those who themselves were in care as children. She has taken advice offered and has recognised that she probably doesn’t have all the Information about the concerns social care have. It’s not uncommon for family members to be unaware of the wider context of concerns or to not understand how child protection/contact works.

Op isn’t the one making decisions about the child’s care anyway. Op is simply a family member trying to support her loved one through this process and seeking advice about helping someone whose child might end up in foster care.

Even parents (and their families) who can’t provide safe care, and whose children are removed permanently, deserve support.

@Paintsplat

If we took emotional maturity into account no male under 25 would be side eyed for saying a teenager

Simon is right to SS this is just a whole pile of no

I just want to clear something up, because often these threads seem to lead for pushing and pushing for information - there must be more to it - confidently stating information that is in fact incorrect.

Where a baby/toddler is brought into foster care they may often need to move some way away. In those circumstances contact centres are often used so the toddler doesn't have to be taken too far to contact. It is completely different to a situation when a private family seeks to use them. The foster carer has just told me that.

So please, no more speculation about the contact centre. It was as I thought due to foster care and all the probing for the gossip by other has just not really been what I needed today - it was draining.

I've just read this and was about to type exactly what you just have!

It's in a child's best interests to have less travel when they've had upheaval.

It's so clear from your posts the contact centre happened after the mum was moved into care and therefore related.

The best thing you can do when working with SS and SW is be honest, ask for help, ask what you can do etc. they will always want to keep children with primary carers (biological parents) where possible and safe to do so.

@AnnaFri please have a thought that the OP is posting about a very sensitive real life situation and dismissive comments are offensive and unhelpful. Fortunately the courts have a somewhat more nuanced approach than your armchair judgements.

OP is correct about contact centres and foster care. Local authorities will utilise centres as part of plans for children in foster care, they don't do the same for private custody disputes (where use of contact centres is rare)

I was replying to you

Not the op

The nephew was a grown man sleeping with a child

He also hit one of his other (most likely also a child) girlfriends

Hardly someone who should be getting sole custody of a child

@AnnaFri I'm aware that you were replying to me, however you are replying in a thread that the OP has started and presumably will be reading, and as such snarky point scoring comments ('whole pile of no'? Are you 12?) is offensive.

I won't engage with you further, there has been a lot of useful advice from other posters on here and hopefully that may continue.

Mum was 17 almost 18. Dad only just 21. It's only 3 years and so I'd be surprised if a big deal was made of that.

Domestic violence against a child when he was a child too!

Come on, this is isn't help or support it's just digging for gossip and then just making some up anyway.

You can't just make things up.

Might want to remove the stick at some point

Whether he gets sole custody or not is by the by. The op won’t have any say in that, the courts will and they will do that based on all the information and assessment made. Op is simply looking at how best to support her nephew.

I think people don't like to think about that. The effect on a toddler who has slept in mummy's room every night, suddenly mummy isn't there. Where's daddy and aunty gone too? Don't they love me any more? Breaks my heart. Sadly, mental illness happens, I just hope mum is given time to get better and if not that DN can step in til she is.