What can he do to show he can meet his child's needs

[SplashparkSummer]

Just looking for a bit of help and support.

It seems likely that my nephew's DS who lives with his DM is going to be taken from her care as she is struggling with her mental health. DN would like him put into his care. But he currently only sees him 3 hours per week at a contact centre. How can he show he can meet his needs? Are there specific things SW look out for. His reports from the contact centre are positive. However, SS have only observed once and it was a bad day where nephew struggled to get his DS to stop crying as it turned out he was ill. Based on this he failed his assessment.

Any advice, please?

I must admit I assumed it was as his DS and his mother were in a foster placement. But if that is not usual, I'll have to make sure DN understands why this is, thank you.

DN knows why this is. If contact is happening in a centre it's because the parent is a perceived risk to the child, or because they have no existing prior relationship to the child. It's usually court ordered.

If someone is having supervised contact, it's because there's a strong concern the child isn't safe with them.

I will ask him if I can read through the paperwork.

It is going to court as they are seeking an interim care order. He showed me the email. I didn't see anything about what he can do to prevent it. I'll ask to look again, thanks.

No, he doesn't. There are things to do with his upbringing that could be relevant. I don't know for sure.

Ah, brilliant, I'll have a look, thanks.

You'd take them away from their resident parent??

And he's not just accepted it, but gone through the proper channels.

Right, ok. I'll have to ask him to be honest about this. I don't understand why he had him at home prior to mum going into foster care.

If he doesn’t understand or can’t explain then maybe suggest that you both call the social worker together to ask her some questions and get some clarity.if he is reluctant to do this i’d question why.

multiple times when I was a social worker I’d have an aunt/granny/friend call wanting to talk about a child but clearly not aware of the whole situation. I had a grandmother ranting at me once about how terrible it was we were stopping her son see his child over a “small argument” between him and his partner. I said that if her son agreed she could attend the child protection review with him. She did and then she got to hear the whole history from the police/school/health. She was clearly shocked and clearly wasn’t aware of the whole picture. So I guess just be prepared that there may be more to the situation.

if there genuinely isn’t anything that suggests he is a risk or can’t provide safe care then the child should be going into his care and not foster care.

Is it possible he has said he doesn’t want full care of his child?

There could well be something in the paperwork to suggest that the move into foster care was to get her and the baby away from your nephew for some reason.

I take it they are both quite young?

I think up until now he really wanted his DS to stay with his mother as he knew how settled/happy he was with her. But I think he is just started to realise how serious it is. I mean the talk about the father and child placement at least suggests they believe he could successfully look after his DC. Would they do that if he was a perceived risk?

Yes, although he is a bit older than the mother.

The mother told me why she was moved and it wasn't to do with DN. I have no reason to disbelieve her. She's quite happy to moan to me about him about all sorts!

I think that’s a question to ask the social worker. Call together and ask why a father and baby placement is being suggested instead of him having care of the baby at home.

Hopefully in a father and baby placement he could show he was capable of providing safe care. However I have seen parent and baby placements offered to people where there appears to be little hope of the child remaining with the parent, but a placement is offered because often the court will ask for it because social care have to show they have tried to keep the child with their parent.

Apologies if I have missed this but have you stated the age of the child, and is this a factor, eg if the child was an infant when the mum was taken into joint foster care for them both, and your nephew has not had adequate bonding time? You mention a high chair so I am guessing less than 2.5.

You'd take them away from their resident parent??

Are you deliberately missing the point? You DO know that most non resident parents don't automatically see their children on a supervised basis in a contact centre, don't you? So you MUST know that your nephew has been asked/told to do so for a significant reason?

And actually, yes I would 'take' my child from their other parent if concerns in respect of their parenting were so bad that children's services intended to seek an interim care order. I mean, you're acting like your nephew isn't one of the actual parents of this child and has little accountability.

I don’t follow. He’s the father, why can’t he just agree with the mother that the child lives with him?

Why is contact supervised rather than at his home?

How old are your nephew and the mother? Is she a minor?

The DS is 2 and mother is 20, father 24.

Thanks for all the advice. Really helpful.

To be honest, I'm terrified of them taking our sweet little boy from our family. I know that's probably selfish but he's such a little poppet and I love him so much. I hate the thought of him being alone in a room with a strange family when he has slept every night of his life with his mum.

What is the actual story here though? There is something very serious that you are unaware of or choosing not to say.

I'm really not meaning to leave things out. I'm just beside myself with worry.

However, I did speak to my DN and he told me he committed domestic violence against his previous girlfriend. I was very shocked if I'm honest. And absolutely condemn his actions. But I do feel he has matured a lot since then and could provide a stable home for his DS. And hopefully his mother can get the help she needs with her mental health and get back on track. She was doing so well until that point.

OP is there any way you can find out if he has a criminal record &/or more details about the DV, independently of him? That might help you and the situation. The end game here is to keep the child with your family, right? Sadly if there's a criminal record that might mean he cannot get custody, and if you pin all your hopes on him getting custody, that'll mean you lose the child. Finding out more would allow you to make a more strategic approach to try to work out other ways to stop the little boy ending up in care.

I really think there's some serious background here you're not aware of.

Children probably shouldn’t be brought up by someone with a history of domestic violence.

Not meaning to be harsh, but your opinion on on what he’s capable of probably needs to be taken in context; you didn’t seem to think that he was a wife-beater to his child’s mother, so you perhaps don’t know him as well as you think.

You should probably not help him to get custody with what you now know; leave it to the authorities.

That is why he is having supervised contact at a centre. It's really hard to get one of those. I wanted supervised contact for my ex and our dc but despite many reports of DV against him he's always been allowed unsupervised contact at his own home. So your nephew must have caused significant concern to the authorities.