What can he do to show he can meet his child's needs

[SplashparkSummer]

Just looking for a bit of help and support.

It seems likely that my nephew's DS who lives with his DM is going to be taken from her care as she is struggling with her mental health. DN would like him put into his care. But he currently only sees him 3 hours per week at a contact centre. How can he show he can meet his needs? Are there specific things SW look out for. His reports from the contact centre are positive. However, SS have only observed once and it was a bad day where nephew struggled to get his DS to stop crying as it turned out he was ill. Based on this he failed his assessment.

Any advice, please?

He lives in a large one bedroom flat with a garden. He keeps it very clean and tidy. He has a reliable income. He's not struggling with drink or drugs. He has myself, another aunty and his grandad for support.

He's always shown up for contact (it's his favourite day).He's always clean and presentable.

He makes lunch for his DS on contact day. I'm not sure exactly about other meals but he eats reasonably healthy himself. I'll be there to help with ideas for meals/make sure he understands what to feed a toddler. The DC has a speech delay and walking delay. We try to find out what information we can about this. I'm not clear if this could be caused by something the mum has/hasn't done at this stage. I know my DN takes him to the park every contact and encourages him with his walking. He has also looked up information and we have discussed ways to encourage him with his speech. I think he would be confident with bathing/teeth brushing (he has done this a few times). I think he'd need some support with routine. With support he could understand enrichment etc

Thank you for the advice and I agree it will be a whole new world for him!

He is with his mother in a mother and baby foster placement. He is still in the care of his mother currently. There is talk of him being removed from his mother and put into foster care in his own right.

Why wouldn’t he automatically go to your nephew in that case?

have you been involved in the social care meetings with your nephew or seen any of the social care paper work yourself. I’m wondering if you are missing something. Usually if a child couldn’t remain safely with one parent then the other parent would have care of them. Foster care would only happen where there were issues with the child going to the other parent too.

was there anything like domestic abuse in their relationship?

Does he have parental responsibility? You seem to be avoiding this question.

Sorry, yes, he is on the birth certificate.

A first aid course - thank you. And we can look for further courses.

He is currently reading a parenting book, but great idea to look for specific books on food etc.

I'll have a look about cooking. The ones I've seen before are parent and child but I can find out.

He is financially stable but I doubt he has a lot of savings. I'll go through with him the things he will need and the costs and possibly of benefits etc., thank you. I expect he will get some things from his DS's mother.

His home is clean and tidy. Reasonably homely but not much sign of a child there (as he isn't there currently) except a high chair and toy box. Thank you for the help.

I've not. I assume he does as he is on the birth certificate?

I'm presuming no parental responsibility as op keeps repeatedly avoiding the question.

The DC is on a CP plan. I have made it clear that the DC is with his mother in a mother and baby foster placement and is struggling with her mental health.

I'm not sure if that counts as the DS being under LA care but obviously there are issues hence the placement.

I've not avoided it!! I've said many times now he is on the birth certificate which I assume means he has parental responsibility. Or does the fact the DS is in a mother and baby foster placement mean he doesn't. I don't know. But I'm not avoiding anything!!

I think people are getting confused, because a father who is named on the birth certificate, and therefore has parental responsibility, would automatically be the next person to take the child into their care, I think? Unless something else is going on. Was there domestic abuse?

Why does he only have minimal contact centre access? Because that rings alarm bells.

I've seen some things. I admit I'm not that savvy about all this. I could be missing something.

As far as I am aware there was no physical domestic abuse. I am close to mum too and she has never disclosed anything. However, I am aware that an issue was raised about DN and the mother having arguments over the phone and this happening in front of the DC. This appears to be linked to the mother's deteriorating mental health. DN has dealt with that by having no contact with DS's mother. He makes sure not to see her at contact and he doesn't speak to her on the phone. Any co-parenting contact goes through me.

Op I think you are missing something. You could ask DN if he’s like your support at Child Protection/social Care meetings. You can only properly support him if you know everything and have the full picture.

Definitely something else going on here. He's got his own place, an income and is on the birth certificate however only has supervised access at a contact centre...Why?

Yes, I agree. He has asked for my support at any future meetings. It will be going to court soon and I will support him with this any way I can.

If the child is subject to a CP plan and not an interim care order then in theory his dad can just go and get him. It could be a catalyst for the local authority applying for a care order, but if everything in his life is as you say it would be nowhere near the threshold for a care order. But I very much doubt that things are as you say (or as you understand, as I guess you wouldn't necessarily know) or he wouldn't be supervised once a week in a centre. Think about it - if your XP was struggling with your joint child and you got told consequently that you could spend time with the child for 3 hours a week with supervision, for no reason, would you just blithely accept this? Why has he, if there are no issues with his capabilities as a parent?

I'm not 100% about that. He does work, though which makes it difficult with having to travel a long way and of course the contact centre isn't open in the evening/weekend. I will speak to DN about this.

I'm not 100% sure. But this happened once the mother was moved out of area for the mother and baby foster placement. Prior to that he saw his DS at his flat.

I think people are wondering why he has to see his child in a contact centre in the first place? What is stopping him taking him to his flat for the weekend? Why is his contact being assessed? Again that's not usual unless there has been something of concern.

I think this is a good idea and hopefully the situation will make more sense to you once you have been in the meetings and heard everyone’s perspective. DN should be included in all meetings etc. maybe ask to read through copies of the previous assessments and child protection conference minutes before the next meeting.

you say you will be going to court. What is that for? If it’s going to court he should have had a letter already stating clearly why social care are seeking a care order and what he can do to prevent this.

In my line of work, we call it the elephant. There's another hugely significant factor in this story but the OP isn't disclosing it (and TBF may not even know what it is).

Does your DN have some learning difficulties, by any chance, OP? That wouldn't stop him being a good parent, but it might explain Social Services' concerns, and the extra support.

@SplashparkSummer , there was a similar thread recently about someone in your dn's son's mother's position - including the foster mum and baby situation. There was lots of helpful advice given.

I don't think he has just blithley accepted it, he has been unhappy with only seeing him one day a week, but there is nowhere else for him to see the DC. I am not saying that there are no issues with his capabilities at least according to SS, but yes, I take your point. I would be able to support him better if I knew exactly what their issues with him are. Both parents are care leavers. Their lives have not been easy. However, I understand that the DC's mother has been doing well until recently. I believe if her mental health could be treated she could be a good mother again. One thing DN did tell me is that he feels he has been going about things the wrong way - he has been very supportive of DC's mother as he knows how happy his DS is with her. But it appears this has made SS feel he hasn't taken the concerns seriously. He feels he should have expressed his desire to have DS in his care earlier.

But he has just accepted it? If someone told me that I could only see my DC in a contact centre I would say, absolutely not. And take them home.