Is it petty or reasonable to not want to give birth in this hospital for this reason?

[Nobabyno]

I'm pregnant with our first child and me and DH were discussing where I'd give birth.

There is a smaller hospital quite close to us (10 min drive) which has a good maternity unit, alternatively there is a hospital around 40 mins away which is also good (city centre very large hospital).

This is where my AIBU comes in!

My husband's ex is a midwife at the local hospital! They have a child together, my step child. We do get on okay, she knows about the pregnancy even and has always been perfectly pleasant toward me. I'm not her hugest fan for a couple of reasons but all in all we rub along very well.

I've told DH there's no way I want to go there to give birth and want to go to the other hospital because of this. He thinks I'm being silly. She wouldn't be able to be my midwife anyway because of the connection (don't know how true that is but I'm sure she'd request not to be anyway!) so there's no big deal.

It doesn't matter to me though, I'm nervous as it is. The last thing I want is it playing on my mind that she will be there or whoever my midwife is ends up being her friend or something. It's a vulnerable time and I just don't want the stress of it.

It's not a big deal to go to the other hospital but is he right, would you find this silly or reason?

YABU - it doesn't matter.

YANBU - I'd hate it too and go somewhere else!

Childbirth is messy and undignified, and it makes you highly vulnerable.

Your alternative plan doesn't compromise your or your baby's safety and would make you feel a million times more comfortable, so your DH can get in the bin if he thinks his feelings are more important than yours.

It doesn't matter if his ex would come nowhere near you. The fact that you would be worrying about it is enough justification for you to want to go elsewhere.

I mean, a friend's fear of spiders might not be the most rational thing, but you wouldn't go wave a spider in front of her now, would you? Feelings are what they are, and any woman in labour gets to have her feelings taken seriously.

@crabcakesalad bullying! Get a grip. I called her out on a nasty comment which was deleted so clearly I wasn’t the only one.
i agree there are great HCP and bad ones, it’s the nature of any organisation so large. What isn’t helpful is tarring an entire profession with the same brush, in a thread where the op is clearly worried about who she will be seen by anyway.

Bear in mind baby may make the decision for you by making a hurried / early appearance so try to mentally prepare yourself for this although to be honest,by that stage you may not care who the midwife is.
wishing you and baby a safe birth either way.💐

Agree with all of this.
hope this thread has helped and reassured you, op 💐

@Peashoots you called a clearly traumatised woman "vile" in a personal attack = Bullying.

Pot kettle black

I mean obviously they would avoid her being your midwife but hospitals have emergency staffing shortages all the time. If she’s the last OB standing then there is a high possibility she might end up being forced to help you and you won’t be in a position to say no. Being in a different hospital prevents this.