Daughter getting married, husband invited 2 families to stay in our house

[CakeFiend8]

Am I being unreasonable to think that my husband inviting two families to stay in our house the week of our daughter's wedding is a bit much? To put it mildly.

The two families consist of his niece + husband + 2 children, and his sister-in-law and their two children. And no, we don't have any spare bedrooms, so my husband said we will give one family our bedroom while we sleep wherever there's a couch, and the other family will take the front room with a sofabed. Any other time, fine - but it's the week of our daughter's wedding which will surely be chaotic just waiting for the bathroom in the morning with 11 people in the house! I want to bury myself in a hole somewhere and cry...

It's adding to my daughter's anxiety, who is already stressed out with wedding plans, and me, as mother of the bride, I'm having kittens!

Please let me know if I'm over-reacting...

Oh I would be so mad if my dh did this. He either cancels or you go to a hotel. I can't believe he expects you to just sleep wherever and share a bathroom with 11 people. Just what you want on the wedding morning, a bad back, stiff neck from sleeping on the sofa. Feeling rushed as you had 5 minutes in the bathroom, unable to enjoy a drink or see your daughter much while getting ready because there are kids running around, multiple adults, making breakfast for people. You'll turn up feeling frazzled and worn out. He is being he is be very unreasonable.

Don't even think about it.

My wedding was lovely, but I still have nightmares about trying to get changed and have my hair done with SIL deciding to cook a huge meal (why?), nephew throwing Lego at me while I was doing my make-up etc.

The hairdresser nearly left there was so much chaos, and I took one look at the photographer and told him I'd see him at the venue.

Never in a million years should my parents have agreed to so many people staying at there the day before.

Either google translate and a swift email - or book you and your daughter into a nice hotel asap.

I'd be furious as a guest being invited to stay in someone's house and finding that 11 people had to share 1 bathroom.

If the circumstances of the visit are inhospitable then it's bad of the host to even suggest it.

If 11 people are sharing a small house the guests at least need their own spare rooms, and surely the bride will mostly need the bathroom to herself!

Side note: I spend most of the morning of my wedding with the anxiety shits and was on and off the toilet all morning. I did not want to be sharing a fucking bathroom!

My daughter speaks Italian. I can get her to write a message for you. She knows MANY swear words....🤣

PS...your husband is being an arse, I'd move into a hotel with your daughter and let him get on with it.

This is nuts even in a normal day, let alone around your daughters wedding! 2 families of 2 adults and 2 children each... no chance, unless I had a mansion and hired help

Move out and let him look after them.

I'd be furious as a guest being invited to stay in someone's house and finding that 11 people had to share 1 bathroom.

Which is why, if your husband won't tell them, you have to.

I get the distinct impression that the guests don't know there are meant to be 11 people crammed into a small house with no guest room. If they knew, I don't think they'd want to come (or impose).

@GreenClock You say I'm passive, but I obviously haven't spelled out the whole story online for the sake of being succinct. The whole story involves lots of 'fireworks'! Sometimes you gotta fight fire with fire. But he's not budging... It might be a case of wearing him down over some time...

@Dragmedown Has said exactly what I was going to. Whichever option works best for you and DD of the two, just do that. If you want to be at home, he sorts it now or you and your friend Google translate do. If you prefer to nope out of there to a hotel and leave him to it, do that. No just sucking a horrific sounding situation up though!
The only thing I'd add is that if you do take over communications with the family, make sure there is no room for any 'oh we don't mind all bundling in together ' type replies. If I sent my family some of the very hinting suggestions here about how they'd all be squished on a sofa, it'll be uncomfortable etc then I'd get a lot of oh we don't mind that, we are fine wherever type replies. If you don't want them there, make sure you make it crystal clear that it is not an option to stay at yours.

he thinks he has you over a barrel. Tell them that he has to let them know now or book an air BNB for them.

Have you asked how he feels about putting his relatives over his daughters wedding? I would calmly tell him how absolutely disgusted you are of him as both a husband and a father and book a couple of hotel rooms for you and your daughter for the run up.

@KirstenBlest Heehee! "il mio futuro ex marito" 😆

I’d be telling dh to sort it or I will. I am like a bull in a china shop and not very tactful so that phrase normally sends dh running to sort things himself .

he either sorts it or you book into the wedding hotel for a few nights leading up to and after he wedding.

what an idiot he is being!

Honestly, just book a note for you and your daughter. Is she having the reception at a venue with accommodation? Far more practical anyway. You cannot have the chaos of 2 extra families in your house, it would be extremely stressful for you and your daughter. Leave him to host, you go for lovely chill evening and he can do the cooking and cleaning. What an eejit!

They might think the ops family are paying for it too with that message, if it is traditional for Italians to pay for guests.

Maybe amend it a bit for that?

Some people are just really thick skinned. My DM many years ago was insisting on squeezing into her nieces house before nieces wedding saying she didn’t take up much room etc etc.

The niece spoke to me and she was really embarrassed. My Mum is very sweet natured but she honestly didn’t see what the issue was. I booked a Travelodge for all of us in the end and didn’t give her any choice (I paid so she was ok with it!).

11 people is completely ridiculous.

I would tell him that you won't be giving up your bedroom and that he will need to book them a hotel.

Should I go behind his back and send those families a direct message (with the help of Google Translate), telling them that we have no spare rooms, and also that it's going to be really stressful?

If you did, from what you've said there's every chance they'd simply ring him - in Italian of course - and you'd end up with the whole lot ganging up to undermine you

My own cousin did this during her daughter's wedding, because apparently they "couldn't ask the family to stay in hotels" (don't know why not) and it was the predictable chaos

I don't know if you'd really want to decamp to a hotel with DD, but you might have to threaten to if you want to get any sense out of him

Absolutely ridiculous idea. What does your daughter think?

book yourself a lovely hotel room for a few days before and after the wedding and leave him and the relatives to it. As soon as he realises you won’t be doing all of the ground work of preparing rooms/ cooking / cleaning / waiting on them hand and foot he will no doubt change his mind.

@CakeFiend8 I’m sorry, OP, but whoever said you’re being passive is a bit right. And I don’t say that to upset you.

You say he’s not budging. You say you think it would be cheeky to use Google Translate to email or text his relatives yourself. WHO CARES. Unless you’re afraid he’s going to become very nasty or physically abuse you?

It’s most certainly not cheeky to contact them! What HE did was horrible and cheeky. A man who is willing to ruin your daughter’s wedding for both you and your daughter, who will not tell his relatives no, and who uses the language barrier against you… why in the world do you care about him “budging” or “wearing him down over time”? Again, unless he’s going to get violent.

I would have contacted his relatives already, IMMEDIATELY, and informed them that you have absolutely no spare bedrooms, you cannot give up your own bedroom for guests when your daughter needs you for her bloody WEDDING, and no, 11 people cannot share a house with no spare bedrooms and only one loo. While you’re sorry your HUSBAND has caused this confusion (this is 100% his fault for letting them think he was lord of the fucking manor), there are many local hotels or AurBNBs and you wish them luck. The end. No discussion.

And I certainly wouldn’t care how your husband feels about you doing it - the cheeky fucker giving away your own bed! (Can you tell I’m so mad about the bed on your behalf, ha) AND sofa bed! And claiming you, the mother of the bride, can just find a “random sofa” which doesn’t even actually exist, so you’d be sleeping on the floor, somewhere to kip on.

Fuck what he thinks about whether you’re cheeky or whether he wants to budge or or or.

Are they coming to the wedding?
Does your DD live at home but will move in with DH after the wedding? Could you book a few nights hotel for you both and get ready the wedding morning?

Jesus wept. I've seen some batshittery from 'dear' husbands on here but this takes the sodding biscuit.
It's top grade, utterly twattish and complete thoughtlessness and I would be raging at him.
As others have said tell him if he doesn't sort it out ASAP then you will. And do it.

I would be booking a hotel for just me and my daughter and he would be paying for it.
After I'd torn an almighty strip off him.
Then again, my DH wouldn't do something like that anyway.