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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think slow eaters should try to eat faster?

153 replies

Soffana · 23/08/2022 12:41

Well, not the world's most pressing issue but here it goes...

AIBU to think slow eaters should try to eat in a pace that suits the company?

For example at work we are a group of colleagues who eat together at lunch (school's lunch room so not a very pleasant environment). Some of us eat a lot and quite fast, some a bit slower and of course that is fine. I would say we eat, talk and finish within 15-20 minutes.

We now have a new colleague who naturally is a part of our team. She is super slow. She takes the tiniest portion and picks in it forever. She takes one bite and then put the cutlery down and talks. When we are all finished and waiting for her she doesn't really eat, just engaging in the conversation with half her food left. Then taking a small bite, putting fork down and talk. We all have to wait for her and she doesn't seem to care or try to speed up.

What do you all think? Of course we can't do anything, we are not going to tell her but AIBU that she could read the room?

OP posts:
alanabennett · 23/08/2022 12:44

I'm sure you'll get lots of responses asking why you care and saying it's none of your business, etc. but I completely agree. My mother eats at a snail's pace and it's infuriating! I hate eating with her in a group setting as everyone else is finished and we have to sit there for another 15 minutes waiting for her...

jewishmum · 23/08/2022 12:44

I voted YANBU because it seriously peeves me off. My husband is like that and it grates on me big time. I can eat two platefuls in the time he hasn't even finished his first. Even when I actively try to slow down to match his pace more.

However, some people have dental problems like missing teeth and would find it hard to speed up. Eating slowly also helps people digest their food and makes someone less likely to gain weight.

ComtesseDeSpair · 23/08/2022 12:46

If you need to be somewhere afterwards then just say so and take your leave. I’m a slow eater, I’ve no problem at all if people make their excuses before I’m finished and will usually acknowledge that I’m the only one left eating and say it’s fine to head off if they want.

jewishmum · 23/08/2022 12:46

And the picking over the food with the fork before deciding to put it in his mouth! Just stab it and eat it!

Etinoxaurus · 23/08/2022 12:48

I don’t understand why this affects you? Are you not allowed to get down until everyone’s finished? If so that’s the problem, not your colleagues eating speed.

Marynotsocontrary · 23/08/2022 12:48

Is she French?
I've noticed that my French colleagues take a lot more time with their meals and put down knife and fork to engage in conversation as you've described.

Antarcticant · 23/08/2022 12:49

You are being unreasonable and I say this as a fast eater married to a slow eater. I wish I could eat more slowly but I seem to be hardwired to eat quickly.

Meseekslookatme · 23/08/2022 12:50

As a slow eater, I wish that people wouldn't gobble and chomp in front of me...
🤮
It's healthier to slow down.

MrsBwced · 23/08/2022 12:50

IMO fast eating usually means bad manners but it's a lunch at work not a formal dinner, surely everyone can eat however they want.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 23/08/2022 12:51

jewishmum, sorry to ask but, do you chew? Being able to eat two platefuls to your husbands one seems a serious mismatch of speed.

OP, as PP suggests, just say you have to go - and go. Colleague shouldn't be sped up, they will eat at their pace but if they want company then they either will speed up a bit or will have new diners join them.

girlmom21 · 23/08/2022 12:51

Maybe you need to slow your eating down?

Of course YABU. I want people to enjoy their food.

CrystalCoco · 23/08/2022 12:51

I'm a slow eater, my whole family are, DH's family are the opposite and it's disgusting to watch, they're like a bunch of vultures. They don't stop for breath, there's little conversation and no manners.

I'd far rather hang out with the slow eaters than the gannets sitting there inhaling their food.

It's also good for your digestion to eat slowly, so there's that too.

Marinamountainzoo · 23/08/2022 12:52

YABU. I am a slow eater. Usually the people who complain about me eating slowly are the same people who ask me a million questions with their mouths full. So have equally annoying habits.

You know you don't NEED to wait for her. You can just politely leave. She is an adult and will survive just fine one her own for ten minutes. (Which she is probably secretly wanting you to do by taking her sweet time!).

basilmint · 23/08/2022 12:52

Can't you just get up and go when you are done? I work in a school and we all head off back to do work whenever we are done.

I eat slowly because I have braces and food gets stuck in them. I wouldn't expect my colleagues to hang around waiting for me.

Rowen32 · 23/08/2022 12:52

Let her eat at your own pace, if you need to go just leave. Eating slowly is actually really good for you and very normal in some countries.

BuildersTeaMaker · 23/08/2022 12:53

Out of curiosity…are the people posters refer to thin?

I do have a theory. Most of our family eat pretty fast- and we all struggle with weight. Not massively so, but we can get a bit podgy ….and many of them will have seconds if on offer

whereas one of my DS, and another family member are really, really slow, and a one grain of rice at a time person 🤣🤷🏼‍♀️. They are thin/slim and never seem to have issues controlling their weight.

to me it seems logical that if you eat slowly your brain has chance to register you are full and therefore you stop eating at a lower consumption level.

despite the frustration at my DS slow eating, I never said anything ever, now would I. I assume it is actually better for health to eat slowly and take your time and I wish I was more like it.

if your colleague , OP, is holding you back from leaving lunch table then I suggest you just make apologies and leave anyway. If everyone else also starts to disappear before she is finished she’ll either accept it or start to eat a little bit faster over time

NighghtmareNeighbour · 23/08/2022 12:53

You’re being unreasonable. It’s far better for you on many levels to eat at a slower pace. (I say this as someone who’s a fast eater and wishes she could slow down😬).

ColinRobinsonsfamiliar · 23/08/2022 12:53

I couldn’t sit in n this person’s company I’m afraid.
It gives me itchy teeth just reading your description op.

I come from a job where if your food isn’t tipped down your throat in 3 minutes flat then you don’t eat at all for 12 hours. Not one single colleague of mine does the slow eating thing. Thank god!!

I certainly wouldn’t allow this to keep me from cracking on with what I need to do once I’m finished. I would not be waiting for them.

Brefugee · 23/08/2022 12:53

just leave if you want to do other things, she'll either speed up, not care and carry on, or ask why you can't stay.

SlappersAndFuiters · 23/08/2022 12:55

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Antarcticant · 23/08/2022 12:55

Out of curiosity…are the people posters refer to thin?

My slow-eater husband is very thin, whereas I (fast eater) have to watch what I eat all the time to stay in a healthy BMI.

I would love to eat more slowly but I just can't seem to do it. Would welcome tips from anyone who has managed to slow their eating speed.

Thedungeondragon · 23/08/2022 12:55

I'm a bit confused about why you need to wait for her. Surely you can just leave when you are done, which would solve the problem. If she doesn't want to be left eating on her own then she'll speed up, but it doesn't sound like it'd bother her.

Cornettoninja · 23/08/2022 12:55

I’m with those who don’t understand why you’re waiting for her to finish? Just get on with your day when you’re done.

mountainsunsets · 23/08/2022 12:57

Why on earth do you all sit around and wait for her?

SpinCityBlues · 23/08/2022 12:57

So just leave the table.

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