To think slow eaters should try to eat faster?

[Soffana]

Well, not the world's most pressing issue but here it goes...

AIBU to think slow eaters should try to eat in a pace that suits the company?

For example at work we are a group of colleagues who eat together at lunch (school's lunch room so not a very pleasant environment). Some of us eat a lot and quite fast, some a bit slower and of course that is fine. I would say we eat, talk and finish within 15-20 minutes.

We now have a new colleague who naturally is a part of our team. She is super slow. She takes the tiniest portion and picks in it forever. She takes one bite and then put the cutlery down and talks. When we are all finished and waiting for her she doesn't really eat, just engaging in the conversation with half her food left. Then taking a small bite, putting fork down and talk. We all have to wait for her and she doesn't seem to care or try to speed up.

What do you all think? Of course we can't do anything, we are not going to tell her but AIBU that she could read the room?

I hear you all. And contrary what many of you think I am not a terrible person who thinks everyone should change for me.

I think this came up in my mind because first this weekend I had to suffer a two hour long dinner with my MIL where everyone else finished within 40 minutes. She was just talking and talking, one bite perhaps every ten minute. My kids were going crazy.

Then this colleague does the same (ok not two hours but long enough).

Perhaps I should have had the title: Can people stop talking so much and start eating.

Just say that you can't hang around too long at the beginning of the meal.

I wouldn't wait
I would finish my food and politely excuse myself, saying I have some bits to do.

during meals out I have come across a number of things in my meals - hair, dead ants, stray meat pieces and a rather strange looking moth to name a few ;)

Sorry.... what? This isn't normal!

You haven't really said why you can't leave when you want to.

If you are in a group, there are enough people to stay with her.

And if she is left on her own then it's hardly the end of the world - it's her choice to eat slowly, for whatever reason.

Out of curiosity…are the people posters refer to thin?

I think that is the case for more slow eaters, but certainly not all. I know someone who used to allows say that, eat slow and you'll not gain weight. She was 21st at the time, maybe more. She weighs even more now. She does eat slowly. Problem is she never stops eating.

What an silly problem to have!
When you finish eating, just leave.
She'd probably prefer to eat on her own, without you all watching her every mouthful.

I don’t see the issue at a work day lunch? You can just go when you’re finished and leave her to it? It’s not a dinner party.

My husband is a very, very slow eater, who talks a lot during meals, and I am fast. We have come to a compromise now that I get up from the table and do something else while he finishes - usually a jigsaw that I have set up on the far end of the table. That way, we can still talk but I'm not sitting watching him slowly, slowly, slowly eating his meal. I don't really like going out for meals with him, particularly in company, because he is so slow!

This isn't a problem. You are choosing whether to hang around when you're done you don't have to.

Since you're at work, if you have to be back at your desk (office, classroom, etc) then I would not over think it and just say so.

This is so interesting! I love it.

One of my sons gobbles his food super fast and then wants more and the other eats v slowly and never wants seconds. In fact, he often doesn't finish his first course because he eats so slowly it goes cold (he obviously then complains he can't eat it because it's cold...)

I now let people get up from the table when they are done and I do the same. We have a kitchen diner though so I usually clear up while the slow eater son finishes so he's not completely alone.

I come from a "eat it quickly before it gets cold" mum though so I think that is ingrained in me a little too much but I don't like hot food which has gone cold. My mum will insist people start eating their food in a restaurant as soon as it comes out though, rather than waiting for others to be served and I do draw the line at that. No food goes cold that quickly!

It is part of the Paul McKenna weight loss advice to eat slowly, and put down your cutlery between mouthfuls as it allows your body to register when it is full.

DH and I are both fast eaters and this is something I really struggle with. My mum is horrified by how quick we eat!

Because it seems like you are trying to change her. I’m sure she is fully aware that she is a slow eater. I’m sorry if I came across as snappy but I have had people go on about how slow I eat my food my whole life and it really upsets me

Same here - I feel like I dont want to eat when people go on about how slow I eat and will just pretend I’m full and then I get “oh have you got an eating disorder then? You are very thin….”

Your colleague - She takes one bite and then put the cutlery down and talks.

Your MIL - She was just talking and talking, one bite perhaps every ten minute.

Are they both people who just like talking, maybe like the sound of their own voice, and prioritise it over eating?

There's a big difference between what you're describing, and just normal eating but slower than other people.

I don't understand why you can't just make your excuses and leave, or why a couple of you can't? I wouldn't expect colleagues at work to sit and watch me eat if they had something else to do.

Don't worry, I can take it. That is why I did an AIBU thread.

I would never go on about anyone to their faces even though I just want to leave them to it. I am sorry you had people do that to you.

I try to be considerate, that is why I hang around listening to her. But perhaps I just have to leave the table. Not possible at dinner with my MIL though...

True, I should have been more clear in the title.

I just feel it is a bit rude to leave her but perhaps it is not.

Hmm I'm not sure because all the fast eaters I know seem to get fatter as the years go by whereas slow eating people seem to stay a similar size or lose weight over the years. Just an observation.

That's just being over dramatic, prefering to choke rather than say you need to eat more slowly so you don't choke. No need to guilt OP like that.

I wasn't criticising your title. I was just wondering if the reason behind the behaviour wasn't that they have a problem with food, just that they'd rather spend the time talking at everyone. (Note, 'at' rather than 'to'.)

It's honestly not rude. You've been very welcoming and polite so far. Your conscience should clear!

Now is the time to start warning her (your colleague) at the start of the lunchtime that you can't stay long, things to do, people to see ... all very smiley and brisk.