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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think slow eaters should try to eat faster?

153 replies

Soffana · 23/08/2022 12:41

Well, not the world's most pressing issue but here it goes...

AIBU to think slow eaters should try to eat in a pace that suits the company?

For example at work we are a group of colleagues who eat together at lunch (school's lunch room so not a very pleasant environment). Some of us eat a lot and quite fast, some a bit slower and of course that is fine. I would say we eat, talk and finish within 15-20 minutes.

We now have a new colleague who naturally is a part of our team. She is super slow. She takes the tiniest portion and picks in it forever. She takes one bite and then put the cutlery down and talks. When we are all finished and waiting for her she doesn't really eat, just engaging in the conversation with half her food left. Then taking a small bite, putting fork down and talk. We all have to wait for her and she doesn't seem to care or try to speed up.

What do you all think? Of course we can't do anything, we are not going to tell her but AIBU that she could read the room?

OP posts:
KimberleyClark · 23/08/2022 13:16

Based on how you described it, it sounds like she has an eating disorder. Not sure if that was intentional but phrases like "picking" at a "tiny portion" is not typical of slow eaters. It's typical of someone with a very difficult relationship with food and trying to force themselves to eat.

I agree, it sounds like she’s trying to eat as little as possible.

tigger1001 · 23/08/2022 13:16

luxxlisbon · 23/08/2022 13:05

We all have to wait for her and she doesn't seem to care or try to speed up.

You don’t though, you are colleagues eating together out of convenience, not friends out for a fancy meal. When you are done eating just go about the rest of your day.

absolutely agree!

Keepingupappearance · 23/08/2022 13:17

I’m a slow eater 🤷‍♀️ It is what it is. I’m not even conscious of it. Even when I do try to be conscious of it it never works.

I wouldn’t expect people to wait for me though

honeyrider · 23/08/2022 13:18

One thing I've noticed is that slow eaters in company tend to be the ones who dominate the conversation, they're too busy talking to eat.

Original poster
Soffana · 23/08/2022 13:20

To all you saying eating fast is disgusting etc.

We are a group of ladies who eat quite normally would I say. 15-20 minutes to finish a lunch is not gobbling down food.

I see your point in leaving before she has finished but it feels rude. We all go as a group together and to leave her alone at the table seems mean.

This was just an example. MIL is the same. At dinner she just talks and talks. We are all finished before she has even eaten a third of her food. Then we just have to sit, and sit, and sit...

OP posts:
Arbesque · 23/08/2022 13:21

I have a friend who does this with wine. It's 11 o clock, we all want to go home, and our glasses are empty apart from her who still has half a glass full. She then proceeds to barely wet her lips every time she lifts her glass, taking forever and ever to finish it. I just feel like shouting DRINK IT OR LEAVE IT.

Floofboopsnootandbork · 23/08/2022 13:25

I pick at my food and eat very slowly when eating in a big group due to years of disordered eating and people commenting on my eating I’m a negative light. I also eat slowly in general because if I eat to fast I end up eating too much as I’m not giving my body time to register whether or not I’ve had enough, I also get horrendous heartburn and stomach issues when eating at a faster pace.

If I’m with a group of people and someone comments on my eating, be it the amount or pace it doesn’t matter, than that one comment is enough to set me back ALOT and I’d probably not eat in front of people for a very long time after.

The way you describe her eating sounds like she’s struggles with her relationship with food so YABU just based on that, but even so why does it matter? Leave her be. If you have something to do or somewhere to be then just politely excuse yourself, you’re not obligated to sit there until she’s finished every last bite and if she does struggle with eating then she’ll probably be relived to be left alone to finish.

RJnomore1 · 23/08/2022 13:28

I don’t dominate conversation, I’m actually very introverted, but I do need to eat small mouthfuls, chew well, drink between or I feel physically ill. I couldn’t care less how anyone else eats or what they think of the speed I eat at.

Iam not the same with wine!!

Herejustforthisone · 23/08/2022 13:28

Or the gluttons could slow down?

Bogofftosomewherehot · 23/08/2022 13:28

You're an adult - just get up and leave the table, no-one has to wait for her. MyDH and FiL eat fast, we can be in a lovely restaurant and they're shovelling in huge forkfuls like gannets - it's pretty gross and when it's just the 2 of us I tell him to slow down. I also know some who eat fast and talk - gross and off-putting.

Handyweatherstation · 23/08/2022 13:30

I'm a slow eater. I've tried speeding up but it makes me nauseous, so I stick to a pace that's comfortable. There's no way I'd speed up and then feel sick afterwards because someone else eats faster than me. If people don't want to wait, they are free to leave.

PeloAddict · 23/08/2022 13:32

ColinRobinsonsfamiliar · 23/08/2022 12:53

I couldn’t sit in n this person’s company I’m afraid.
It gives me itchy teeth just reading your description op.

I come from a job where if your food isn’t tipped down your throat in 3 minutes flat then you don’t eat at all for 12 hours. Not one single colleague of mine does the slow eating thing. Thank god!!

I certainly wouldn’t allow this to keep me from cracking on with what I need to do once I’m finished. I would not be waiting for them.

Emergency services?
I remember a senior paramedic reheating his twice and eventually he just went "fuck this" and ate his lasagne cold Grin

Oysterbabe · 23/08/2022 13:36

My DH smashes his food down like a labrador. I thought that I ate fast but if I actually try and eat as fast as possible I'm still not even half done when he's finished.

SultanOfSwing · 23/08/2022 13:37

YABU. Slow eating is healthier and definitely can help with weight control/ keeping to a healthy weight.

And yes, finishing lunch in 15 minutes sounds fast to me. Making conversation between mouthfuls (and putting your cutlery down) is good manners. If you just want to gobble it all down in silence and go away, why do you bother all eating together?

Like others here, I would recommend simply excusing yourself and going about your business. You aren’t going to change her!

DdraigGoch · 23/08/2022 13:37

I quite admire the way the French have lunch. You get a decent amount of time off for your lunchbreak, and it's a proper, sit-down meal, not wolfing down a sandwich at your desk. More civilised.

OP, slow down.

KangFang · 23/08/2022 13:38

I wouldn't sit in solidarity to that.
Once I'm done and happy to leave the table - I would say my goodbyes and leave the table.
Very slow eaters are annoying to watch (imho).

Oysterbabe · 23/08/2022 13:39

I remember reading that when you have dinner with the queen then you're supposed to stop eating when she has finished. She eats fast so usually has a bowl of salad or something to pretend to pick at so that others can catch up.

ithinkimdone · 23/08/2022 13:42

Some people eat slowly because they have

Physical or psychological issues with swallowing

Eating disorders past or present

Dental issues

People can't help having these issues and telling them to just eat faster will provably just make them even slower.

Marvellousmadness · 23/08/2022 13:42

I HATE people who pick at their food
Just leave the table next time. She'll get the hint eventually

Chasingclouds100 · 23/08/2022 13:44

Whatatimetobealivetoday · 23/08/2022 13:01

You are being horrible, a lot of people eat slowly because they aren’t super confident at eating around new people. I eat slowly sometimes because I have a history of eating disorders and sometimes it’s hard to eat quickly in front of people in public. I also chew all my food properly as I used to just wolf it down and puke it up.

Eating is such a personal thing, why don’t you slow down. Rude.

Exactly this!!! I am a slow eater - I have tried to eat faster when people tell me to hurry up or tease me about it but I just can’t manage to do it (and in all honesty why should I?) I also think eating is a very personal thing and I get very embarrassed when people watch me eat and then I get all inside my head and actually find it impossible to swallow. Your colleague may be just like me or others like this who find it very difficult - please don’t be so horribly rude as it’s none of your business how she eats!

Original poster
Soffana · 23/08/2022 13:44

SultanOfSwing · 23/08/2022 13:37

YABU. Slow eating is healthier and definitely can help with weight control/ keeping to a healthy weight.

And yes, finishing lunch in 15 minutes sounds fast to me. Making conversation between mouthfuls (and putting your cutlery down) is good manners. If you just want to gobble it all down in silence and go away, why do you bother all eating together?

Like others here, I would recommend simply excusing yourself and going about your business. You aren’t going to change her!

No one is gobbeling anything down, we are talking and enjoying each other's company. But sitting in a crowded lunch room with teenagers are not the most enjoyable environment. I would say most people finish withing 15-20 minutes.

And I am not trying to change her and I am not going to leave her alone in the lunch room, if I am not super busy.

OP posts:
WTF475878237NC · 23/08/2022 13:45

My friend with an eating disorder eats very slowly and picks at/moves her food around in between long eating pauses of chat as a way to hide it from people she doesn't want to know.

I don't see why it's a problem for you. You can just say right I need to get going now...and leave.

PickAChew · 23/08/2022 13:45

I amazed you get time to eat any more than half a sandwich, in a school.

SpinCityBlues · 23/08/2022 13:46

OP, but you don't have to all sit down as one unit and all rise as one unit. That's a choice that you've made; it's not a hard-and-fast rule that I've come across anywhere else apart from formal lunches. You can leave the table as an individual, or the group can break up in dribs and drabs, or yes you can all get up together sometimes leaving her to finish her lunch on her own in peace.

Some people much to prefer to eat alone anyway.

HangingOver · 23/08/2022 13:47

Out of curiosity…are the people posters refer to thin?

My BMI is 18 but I'm permenantly stuck on "person just rescued from a desert island" speed of eating Grin Always have been. I think it's because I don't chew very much. I hate the feeling of chewing something to moosh.

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