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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think slow eaters should try to eat faster?

153 replies

Soffana · 23/08/2022 12:41

Well, not the world's most pressing issue but here it goes...

AIBU to think slow eaters should try to eat in a pace that suits the company?

For example at work we are a group of colleagues who eat together at lunch (school's lunch room so not a very pleasant environment). Some of us eat a lot and quite fast, some a bit slower and of course that is fine. I would say we eat, talk and finish within 15-20 minutes.

We now have a new colleague who naturally is a part of our team. She is super slow. She takes the tiniest portion and picks in it forever. She takes one bite and then put the cutlery down and talks. When we are all finished and waiting for her she doesn't really eat, just engaging in the conversation with half her food left. Then taking a small bite, putting fork down and talk. We all have to wait for her and she doesn't seem to care or try to speed up.

What do you all think? Of course we can't do anything, we are not going to tell her but AIBU that she could read the room?

OP posts:
SpinCityBlues · 23/08/2022 15:13

As for your MiL, @Soffana, you'll need to work out a strategy with your DH. I'd need to take an urgent phone call that involved me calling the DC through to another room. Or something. <thinks>

Stillafatknacker · 23/08/2022 15:13

Whatatimetobealivetoday · 23/08/2022 13:01

You are being horrible, a lot of people eat slowly because they aren’t super confident at eating around new people. I eat slowly sometimes because I have a history of eating disorders and sometimes it’s hard to eat quickly in front of people in public. I also chew all my food properly as I used to just wolf it down and puke it up.

Eating is such a personal thing, why don’t you slow down. Rude.

This! I used to be exactly the same and I'm certain I was judged 😫

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 23/08/2022 15:17

Consider this ...

Chobbers · 23/08/2022 15:41

I read an article which talked about thin eaters and fat eaters.
Your description of your colleague eating is exactly thin eating and was recommended - enjoy your food, relax and enjoy the company. In addition, you’re more likely to realise that you’re full and hence less likely to overeat.
Fat eating is exactly the opposite and perhaps this is worth thinking about.

diddl · 23/08/2022 15:55

So does your colleague finish her food by the time that the break is over?

I'm not very good at eating in company.

Take very small mouthfuls & just sips of a drink.

My mouth/throat seem to go dry & I'm terrified of taking too much to swallow & coughing uncontrollably.

It's horrible.

EmeraldShamrock1 · 23/08/2022 15:57

Yabu.
Why do you have to wait for a colleague to finish eating.
Maybe she is waiting on you to leave.

MrsBean88 · 23/08/2022 15:58

I eat pretty slowly because I have a fear of choking. I know I take longer than everyone else so I’d never think it’s rude if people excused themselves whilst I carried on, I’d find it relieving tbh 😆

BatshitCrazyWoman · 23/08/2022 16:09

Meseekslookatme · 23/08/2022 12:50

As a slow eater, I wish that people wouldn't gobble and chomp in front of me...
🤮
It's healthier to slow down.

This.

Fuzzy303 · 23/08/2022 16:09

i'm a slow eater & DH is very fast - I find it pretty disgusting that he's just inhaled his food barely even tasting it & I then have him sitting trying to burp quietly because he's basically inhaled his food so fast & gulped down a load or air.

It's just not good for you

drunktrifle · 23/08/2022 16:14

My family are all overweight/have been overweight and we eat really slowly.
My Dad is obsessed with table manners and made us chew every mouthful at least twenty times as children and we had to put our cutlery down between bites. It's a habit that stays with you.
DH's family shovel food in like The Simpsons, they are all thin as rakes.

Windbeneathmybingowings · 23/08/2022 16:15

Slow eater over here. You need to slow down to match the company you are with. Manners and all that.

Fortuny · 23/08/2022 16:16

YANBU! DM does this and it's getting increasingly worse, she will literally triple the eating time in a group and regularly has servers trying to clear her plate as she's taken so long. She's also very sanctimonious about it and tells us how much better her digestion is, yet is still very gassy. It's tedious and gross.

Worst part is to participate in conversation she talks mid-mouthful and does this awful thing where she ferrets her half chewed food into her cheek and we can all hear/see it whilst she gasses on. Incredibly rude! Envy

ClaryFairchild · 23/08/2022 16:22

Of course you can with your MIL, just say "I'll start to clear the dishes while you finish your meal, MIL DH, could I have a hand please?" And then gather up all the other dishes, take them out, bung them in the dishwasher etc (whether at yours or at hers). I'd be tempted to start bringing out the pudding as well tbh. Less chitchat at the table might encourage her to actually eat.

BaileySharp · 23/08/2022 16:22

I used to be a slow eater (not because of talking or an eating disorder, I think after missing out on my fair share of some goodies because DH would eat faster I got a lot faster. I'm faster than him now!

donttalkaboutbookclub · 23/08/2022 16:23

Oysterbabe · 23/08/2022 13:36

My DH smashes his food down like a labrador. I thought that I ate fast but if I actually try and eat as fast as possible I'm still not even half done when he's finished.

Ha, mine too! 'Smashes his food down like a labrador' is an excellent description.

longtompot · 23/08/2022 16:26

I hate eating in public because I think people are thinking the very thing you are op. I have an issue eating, linked to anxiety, and although currently under control, if I get anxious, even without realising it, then it affects how quickly I can eat. I will purposely have a small portion as I know it will take longer than anyone else eating.

CorsicaDreaming · 23/08/2022 16:33

YABU - I'm a slow eater, my DH hoovers up his meal like a starving dog. What's the rush?

Eating can be a social pleasure rather than just a refuelling opportunity.

Just say you need to go to a meeting / get some work done and leave her to eat at her own pace if you really can't wait another few minutes and just relax and chat to colleagues when you've finished eating.

RaRaRaspoutine · 23/08/2022 16:37

Slow eaters FUCK ME OFF so YANBU.

ddl1 · 23/08/2022 16:40

No; if people are very slow eaters, often there's some physical or medical reason for it, and in any case it's healthier to be too slow than too fast. However, I don't think that (in this sort of workplace situation) you're obliged to wait for her.

Huntswomanonthemove · 23/08/2022 16:42

I'm a slow eater. I cannot physically speed up, it just takes me the time it takes me.

Spanielsarepainless · 23/08/2022 16:46

In the days when we were taught table manners, part of that was learning to eat at a speed so everyone finished more or less together. It would be infuriating at a wedding or restaurant if she is eating one pea every two minutes and the waiting staff, and everyone else, want to get on to the next course.

Ffsmakeitstop · 23/08/2022 16:52

Yanbu to want her to talk less and eat more it is aggravating. But I eat very slowly because I have a twisted gullet and food gets stuck and the only way to relieve the pain it causes is to regurgitate, not pleasant for anyone. This doesn't happen when I'm with others as I choose food that I hope I can digest, but i'm still slow as it can be scary when it happens. Just another perspective on why some people eat slowly.

WithIcePlease · 23/08/2022 16:57

I would just leave and someone else can stay with her if they want to. I wouldn't be spending time I could use more fruitfully in working hours watching someone eat. It's a nonsense.

PhantomErik · 23/08/2022 16:58

My DD is a very slow eater & is very slim.

My youngest DS eats quickly & barely chews, his manners are pretty good so he's not unpleasant to sit with but I have to keep an eye on his weight. He's currently a bit chubby so I'm hoping it's because he's due a growth spurt. His frame is much bigger, wrists, ankles etc

DH eats slowly, he's slim & muscular.

I eat quickly & have always struggled with my weight.

I wish we were all slow eaters!

gatehouseoffleet · 23/08/2022 17:11

It is better for you to eat slowly. I don't, I don't like cold food so I eat quickly while it's hot.

I had a colleague who was very slim (not unhealthily slim) but I realised that she had a very canny way of keeping her weight down. She would always come for lunch with us late - maybe 5-10 minutes, so we started without her. She'd get her food and start eating, but do what you say your colleague does, eat slowly, put her fork down, talk a bit etc. When it was time to go back to work she'd only eaten about half her food. I am sure it was deliberate strategy.

But it is annoying if you are waiting for people. or waiting for the next course.