To think slow eaters should try to eat faster?

[Soffana]

Well, not the world's most pressing issue but here it goes...

AIBU to think slow eaters should try to eat in a pace that suits the company?

For example at work we are a group of colleagues who eat together at lunch (school's lunch room so not a very pleasant environment). Some of us eat a lot and quite fast, some a bit slower and of course that is fine. I would say we eat, talk and finish within 15-20 minutes.

We now have a new colleague who naturally is a part of our team. She is super slow. She takes the tiniest portion and picks in it forever. She takes one bite and then put the cutlery down and talks. When we are all finished and waiting for her she doesn't really eat, just engaging in the conversation with half her food left. Then taking a small bite, putting fork down and talk. We all have to wait for her and she doesn't seem to care or try to speed up.

What do you all think? Of course we can't do anything, we are not going to tell her but AIBU that she could read the room?

Can you tell me how I am horrible rude? I have not said a word to her about this, on the contrary I sit and listen to her talking forever while she is not eating. She is truly enjoying her time talking and not eating.

Btw I am sorry you feel that way, that sounds like you are really having a hard time. :-(

Let her eat at her own pace. It’s actually recommended that people eat slow and don’t wolf it down. I’m a slow eater and proud of it, I get stomach pains if I eat fast so I’d be telling you to get lost if you asked me to be quicker

And I am not trying to change her and I am not going to leave her alone in the lunch room, if I am not super busy.

Your title sounds like you are trying to change her though?

I'm a slow eater (sorry!), but I am very conscious of it. At work when we eat informally together I always say, "Please don't wait for me - I'm s slow eater", and if we go out for a meal with friends I am careful to keep an eye on when everyone else if finishing up, and I too lay down my knife and fork then, even though I haven't finished. So, to answer your question - YABU to expect slow eaters to eat faster, but YANBU to expect slow eaters to read the room and act accordingly. In your situation I would simply excuse myself from the table when I was finished, and leave the slow eater to finish her meal slowly. She doesn't have to eat fast, but you don't have to wait, either.

What is the reason you want her to eat faster?

If it’s so you can go and do some work in a different room then say before you start eating that you are going to do X and Y once you’ve finished and then after you’ve finished eating say right I better go and do X and Y now - then you’ll start getting into the habit of leaving once you’ve finished eating.

In my staff room we often leave once we r finished eating to do some work or stay and keep chatting even after we’ve finished.

Is it because eating fast means your body doesn't register that you have eaten and think you are still hungry?

FWIW I am a slow eaten and I am slim. My DH is quick but fairly slim too.

How could I?

Then the title would be:
How do I make her eat faster?

YABU. There is nothing worse than watching greedy people eat their food fast.

No thanks, I don't want indigestion.

YANBU with this specific woman as she's not a slow eater, she's just chatty and that's annoying. If it's your lunch break I would just head off when you're done and say you need to get back to work.

Well I would say as I’m sitting down. I’ve got to be off at such and such a time then go. Don’t feel bad. 15/20 mins is plenty time. I’m a teacher and we eat in the dining hall. We all come and go at different times. Some rush some slow. It’s a big school with lots of staff though.

When visiting my mum it gets commented on. It actually puts me off the rest of the meal to be honest!

YABU. Treating food as purely fuel and rushing through it without being mindful of what and how much you’re eating is a big part of why our food culture in the U.K. is so messed up compared to much of Europe etc. Hate the increasing trend towards ridiculously short school lunch times for the same reason.

If you have something more important that you’d rather be doing just make your excuses and leave your colleague to it. She has every right to enjoy her lunch and take her time, as long as she finishes without the allotted time.

@Soffana

This grates, it really does. I think you are being really unreasonable.

My son eats really slowly. He has dyspraxia, he'd never tell anyone, he's immensely private. If he were to eat at normal speed he'd choke. He can't coordinate muscles and responses in the same way. He'd never say. You'd never know apart from the slow eating.

It's one of my worries, that somebody like you will judge him, he'll speed up and end up choking.

It's happened before. It's really not ok. Some people really need to eat carefully and may not want to share why with random people.

Please don't burden people with this. Just keep things to yourself quietly.

Having come back from this week's NHS 'Shape Up 4 Life' session, we were told we should eat slowly and mindfully. It helps digestion and aids weight loss, also give you a chance to enjoy your food.

Maybe your colleague is doing this? Or hates eating in company? Or has issues with food?

It's good manners to adjust your eating speed to those around you though. I admit I get frustrated with v e r y slow eaters whilst my nice dinner is getting cold.

On the whole though, I prefer the slow eaters to the shovelers who talk with the mouths full.

I am very sorry about your son, that sounds very hard. :-(

But as I have said plenty of times in this thread, I will never say anything to her and I hope no one will say anything to your son. That would be very rude.

Yeah sorry, I can't see the issue in your specific example because if I didn't have anywhere to be I'd be happy to sit and chat for our alloted lunch break regardless of if anyone was still eating or not, and if I did have to get back/wanted to go for a walk for the rest of lunch or whatever then I'd just get up and go! I'm sure at least one other person would be happy to stay with her and if they weren't she's an adult woman who can decide if she'd prefer to sit alone and finish her lunch or learn to eat a bit faster!

Yabu for allowing it to affect you - if you only have or want to take 20 minutes for lunch just take 20 mins, if she is still sitting there when you leave tough luck. Just say something like "I've got so much work on this week I'm going to have to eat and go, sorry".

Slow eater here :) Mine comes from being a vegetarian and inspecting my food has no meat in it before eating it. Its quite interesting really, during meals out I have come across a number of things in my meals - hair, dead ants, stray meat pieces and a rather strange looking moth to name a few ;) All of which I would have eaten had I not been so slow...

I’m a slow eater, I don’t usually car about being last at the table, if people want to leave then they can. If you finish your lunch and want to go do something then go and do it. You’re entitled to eat lunch at the speed you want to, so is she.
Sorry for coming off as rude but if she’s happy chatting and getting to know you then that’s nice, what’s not nice is thinking someone should rush their food to suit others.

But saying 'I am not trying to change her' is disingenuous, because (to me at least) it carries the implication that you accept her and her eating habits - when in reality you wish she would read the room and stop talking and start eating. You are being polite but you want her to change.

It's up her how she eats but why do you need to wait. It would be different if you were going out to a restaurant to eat but in a workplace at lunch, I would just excuse myself when I am finished

I would like her to change but I will not do anything to change her.

It is like when people have the volume very high on their phone on public transport. I would like them to not do that and I don't understand why they can't read the room. But I am not going to say anything.

Where are you eating?

Sounds like she has an eating disorder. This is exactly what I do when I am l having to eat outside of my own home. The people who know me and my background are used to it and it has no impact on the speed at which they eat their food. Don't make a big thing about it with her.