To this most men genuinely don't care about using condoms?

[monsterpup]

Apologies if this is a bit TMI but it's been on my mind lately and it's not exactly the topic you bring up over coffee with your friends!

I have become single recently for the first time in a while, and for the first time in my life I've decided to stay single, date casually and just enjoy myself.

As part of this I've slept with people casually for the first time and I am truly shocked at how few men seem to actually care or even think about condoms. Obvious STI risk aside, these men have also failed to ask me if I was on birth control (I'm not!) and seemed happy to crack right on with no protection until prompted. I will point out there's been no actual complaints when I have prompted - it's been a "oh yeah, do you have one" kinda thing which also surprises me.

AIBU to think that men just don't care? Or am I going for terrible men

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YANBU
most men in my experience will happily have casual sex without a condom.

Most men seem to prefer without. H said it was the best thing ever when we agreed commitment.
oh and Sti’s are on the rise plus there are new strains that are antibiotic resistance. And schools don’t even mention stis it is all gender crap and fulfilling stereotypes.

YADNBU. I can't think of any occasion on which a man has suggested condoms. Pretty scary when you thikn about it.

That's complete rubbish, STIs are taught in both science and PSHE.

Most men don't care.
Schools definitely do mention STIs tho, my year 7 DC came home quaking in fear of STIs after a PSE day last year.

YANBU. Either I’ve had to ask them to use one, or they’ve ditched them the moment I gave them the green light. I think only 1 person insisted on using them all the way through (seeing each other for a couple of months).

YANBU. I can't think of a single occasion where it's been the man prompting me rather than vice versa. Bit scary really.

Sti's is one thing definitely but it's the pregnancy risk that gets me even more! Men get ONE chance to be fully involved in the decision to protect against it and most seem to be more than happy to forgo this decision based on "feeling"

Some examples from the AQA science specification

Agreed.

They expect women to be using hormonal contraception.

They expect women to get the map if necessary.

They expect women to have abortions.

If a pregnancy occurs, they will be hair tearing, gnashing teeth, saying they've been trapped, emotionally blackmailing the women, maligning the woman, trying to evade cm etc etc. But they won't use condoms .... The only form of contraception under their control (and 98 pc effective if used correctly).

Always ready to fuck.
Rarely willing to accept the natural consequence of fucking.
That's somebody else's responsibility.

(Even the number of married women who come on here with u planned pregnancies from either contraceptive failure or because both partners knowingly risked pregnancy/used nothing .. being coerced & blackmailed into abortions by their husbands and partners, is notable).

I had an awful lot of casual sex when I left my husband and only one man insisted on using condoms. The others would willingly have gone without if I hadn't insisted!

I slightly feel like I'm conducting a social experiment at this point! I even (slightly) wait until it's clear they have no intention of using one because I'm interested to see if they will suggest it or not. In my experiences it's been exclusively not

In general this is why I think things like reliable contraception, access to abortion, acceptance/promotion of casual sex etc are actually a double edged sword for women & girls (there's bound to be a better analogy but can't think of one atm) ..... We need to be very careful to make sure the advantages are for us, not for men at our expense.

Porn is another issue - it def drives mens views of women and sex - the entitlement, the separation from relationships, the separation from reproduction, the objectification of women etc.

This is pretty disturbing in terms of std spread, totally aside from pregnancy risk.

But again, women are more likely to suffer from the significant effects of STDs so they don't gaf.

Yes and then be completely shocked when the act which is primarily to conceive a child, ends up in conception

I wouldnt be having casual sex if I wasn't on some kind of hormonal contraception

That aside, no, I dont think most men care about using condoms.

Why would they? Its not them left to pick up the pieces if a casual fling ends up pregnant and most of them seem daft enough not to care about sti.

One of the things I absolutely loved about DH was how much he cared about wearing a condom when we started dating. I didn’t need to mention it and he would have it on ASAP.

but then he was a very wealthy young man and obviously felt he had a lot to lose! Hope he passes this on to our boys

To be fair many women will happily consent to unprotected sex if they really want to (“oh what the hell, he’s gorgeous and I want to”) even though the risks are greater for them.

I wouldnt be having casual sex if I wasn't on some kind of hormonal contraception

This.

You need both ..
Condoms for STDs (though not 100pc effective) and as a primary barrier method to work alongside a hormonal method.

Incidentally, if they'll happily fuck you without condoms, they'll happily fuck any woman without condoms ... Which means, even if you use condoms with them, you better hope they haven't got HPV or a not obvious HSV infection thdyncould still give you.

And if the condoms breaks, they could give you everything else they might have too.

(And you'll have the hasske of trying to get the map).

Honestly, is it really worth it - most men are shore at sex too, totally convinced the vagina is like some reverse penis, and seemingly unaware of the existence of or what you do with a clitotis ... Casual sex makes it even more likely they'll be selfish and not learn what makes you climax.

A vibrator and a pet meets a lot of the sane requirements without all that shite.

Just show them mumsnet and they’ll be double wrapping sharpish

I think a calculation of their salary contribution on the child maintenance website might be more effective.

As a total aside I think (even before reliable contraception and men assuming all women are taking it) both sexes could be risk taking/blase about pregnancy because we have such a relatively odd fertility/reproduction setup i.e. a cycle with only about 5 days when a pregnancy could occur, an only (AVG) 25 pc chance of pregnancy in a cycle even at peak fertility, a relatively high incidence of early pregnancy loss (often before pregnancy even discovered) etc compared to other animals with a season and almost 100 pc pregnancy chance from even one incidence of sex etc.

(What I'm trying to say is people get away with even unprotected sex not resulting in a pregnancy so often, they can end up blasé... Even without reliable contraception being used).

Of course schools teach about sti’s @MrsPear , what a stupid comment

But men know they don’t have a choice in what happens if they impregnate a woman and yet they still have cavalier attitudes towards protection - with that in mind, you think they’d be a lot more careful. If women do it then at least she has the choice of what she does.

FWIW I’ve never thought a man is so gorgeous that I wanted to not use protection. I don’t think any woman does that. Only uses condoms for ugly men