To this most men genuinely don't care about using condoms?

[monsterpup]

Apologies if this is a bit TMI but it's been on my mind lately and it's not exactly the topic you bring up over coffee with your friends!

I have become single recently for the first time in a while, and for the first time in my life I've decided to stay single, date casually and just enjoy myself.

As part of this I've slept with people casually for the first time and I am truly shocked at how few men seem to actually care or even think about condoms. Obvious STI risk aside, these men have also failed to ask me if I was on birth control (I'm not!) and seemed happy to crack right on with no protection until prompted. I will point out there's been no actual complaints when I have prompted - it's been a "oh yeah, do you have one" kinda thing which also surprises me.

AIBU to think that men just don't care? Or am I going for terrible men

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If you've found this page in search of condoms that have been tried and tested by fellow Mumsnet users, you might find our guide to the best condoms useful. Hope this helps! MNHQ

@SleeplessInEngland Ds is at school currently in England and I’m not the one obsessed. He has one PSHE lesson a week. It is on teams and I can see the homework. Nothing on relationships, no mention of sexuality, nothing on consent and nothing on risks or contraception. This is year 7. Just being comfortable in your gender and being happy and productive member of society.,

No I didn’t say that you did, but the fact is that a lot of women do, and when the bloke doesn’t wear a condom they sleep with him anyway, and then talk about their “unplanned” pregnancy which wasn’t unplanned at all since they were having unprotected sex.

Sex education, including STDs education, is a requirement of the curriculum for UK secondary schools. Very weird to intimate there’s some trans conspiracy going on.

Yadnbu op. It's been a very long time since I had casual sex, but I can't think of a single man apart from dh who gave a shit about protection.

In fact more then one refused to use any at all.

What are they thinking?

My school does most of the PSHE Sex Ed in year 9, I’m presuming you’ve looked at the whole school curriculum, not just basing your views on year 7 ??

In my experience it’s men who have something to lose, well educated, family money or high flying jobs…etc who actually give a crap about wearing condoms. They seem to fear both the financial and social implications of having illegitimate children far more than your average guy.

Which is why I find it completely hilarious when you see all these basic Barry the builders crying because they ‘got trapped’ by some poor girl. Like seriously?!?! Do you really think you’re some amazing prize?!?! 😂To trap someone implies you’ve got something to gain from the situation. Bar complaints, whinging, irresponsible antics and a big fight over £60pw CM I can’t fathom what those poor women are gaining.

Personally I find reproductive responsibility a big turn on. Real men take care of their business 🙌

Influence of porn in part I think.

Apparently some are going to be handed out at the Tory Party conference. If the by then former Prime Minister is there, I hope someone hands some to him.

Quite. But this is MN and no-one should lose the opportunity to have a quick trans- bash...

it is appalling how many men don't see this as essential.

Not just in term of contraception but because of the obvious risks of STIs.

Do these men not care that they are potentially infecting partners? Even if they get tested every few months if they don't use condoms it is likely they will catch something and pass it on to several people before their next test.

Also there is no test for HPV for men so they might not even be aware they have it.

Sometimes I just despair at how so many men will put their pleasure above everything else and show no care for or responsibility towards their partners.

And you sleep with these objects?
Bloody hell, thanks for propping up the Patriarchy.🙄

In my rather extensive experience - in patches of the 80s, 90s and occasionally this century - they’ve always been the same. I’d say less than 1% actively wanted to use a condom, even at the peak of the AIDS campaigns.

Guess I’ve been lucky to get away with no consequences.

I agree op! My ex cheated a few times and didn't use one once! Im not sure what upset me more, the fact that he fathered a child behind my back or that he put my health at a huge risk!

@monsterpup I reckon you could get a hormone-free coil pretty quickly. If not from your practice nurse then from one of the GUM clinics.

I do reckon younger people are less bothered because AIDS is no longer a death sentence. But chlamydia is pretty rife.

Having said that there were also stealthers in the past.

@OldFan the waiting list is actually shorter at my GP than elsewhere, I've checked everywhere in my local area and short of going private it seems to be 6 months minimum

Exactly what @Ebearhug said. I don't play games and was always straight with the people I was meeting for sex that I'd be expecting condoms, and I always took a range with me. Only one guy ever brought his own as well. He was proper bright though and able to consider possible consequences.

Look at our revolting prime minister. Seems utterly incapable of only having children he might actually have time to be a father to. No doubt he's much too macho to buy condoms.

Personally I do much much prefer sex without condoms, and my chance of pregnancy is well under 1%. The frequent disease testing was part of what eventually stopped me having casual sex though.

I've been OLD for a couple of months. Only had sex once and before we'd got our clothes off I asked if he had any condoms. He did, and it was fine, but I wondered afterwards if he would have volunteered. I am meeting a guy next week with a view to a FWB arrangement and he's already asked me about condoms, saying that he's always concerned about safe sex.
I'm mid-50s, unlikely to conceive, but well aware of the increase in STIs in my age group because "can't get pregnant therefore no worry". I work in NHS and the rise in syphillis alone is terrifying

Interesting thread!

Realistically, how many men end up having to take responsibility for a baby concieved from a ONS? There are so many things that need to be in place for this to happen. The woman needs to not be on contraception. A pregnancy needs to result. The woman needs to decide to continue the pregnancy. The woman needs to hold the man responsible. The woman needs to be able to track him down....
The odds are massively stacked in favour of men getting away with unprotected sex, so its not that surprising they don't insist on a condom from self interest.
IME, the only men who've ever suggested a condom are the ones who saw it as more than casual. Who saw me as a person, and cared.
Many men don't think of a ONS as anything beyond sex. Not as a person who could be affected by their actions. The risk to them is minimal and the risk to the woman unimportant.

Interestingly the only two men i have ever (stupidly and drunkenly) had unprotected sex have both worked in the NHS, a doctor and a nurse

I was promptly tested right after but neither seemed particularly bothered

Also a very interesting point. These men, even if I did agree to go condomless would see no repercussions from it with me.

I would never go ahead with a pregnancy and test regularly and I am clear of STIs. Win win as far as they're concerned, they'd never have to think about it again

Perception of risk is generally dictated by what we see around us. Few average men in the street will even know of a man who has been held to account for a child conceived via a ONS.
This also explains the higher caution amongst the high earners mentioned up thread. They will no doubt have heard the urban legend of a friend of a friend of a friend who ended up 'shelling out thousands after getting trapped by a gold digger' and apply that percieved risk to themselves.