Re children in restaurant

[Arbesque]

Four of us booked a table in an expensive restaurant last night for 7.30.
About 10 minutes after we'd sat down a couple came in pushing a buggy and with 2 other children in tow. They were seated at the table beside us.
One child kept bashing his spoon off the table, another kept crawling along the wide windowsill so that he was right behind my head, and the baby was kept amused by the father playing peek a boo while she screamed excitedly. This went on and on.

We asked to be moved to another table. There were none available.Then the baby started crying loudly and the toddler got tired and cranky and joined the wailing.

We left without dessert and complained on the way out. They knocked the price of a bottle of wine off our bill.

AIBU to think expensive restaurants, charging a fortune, should have a policy for dealing with situations like this?

We paid a lot of money for a meal we couldn't enjoy.

But children can be prevented from noisily bashing spoons, screeching, using loud toys and crawling behind guests/roaming around the place... Noise like that and other unacceptable behaviour is preventable (assuming NT children).

Parents are entitled to meals out, but not at the expense of others enjoyment... Children ideally shouldn't inconvenience other guests any more than a table of adults would. They might make different noise, but they shouldn't make much more noise.

I've written all of this from the viewpoint of a parent with young children (and I do eat out with them)!

I have to say this thread has kept me awake or I should say kept Me occupied while being awake

@Arbesque
im sorry you’ve had such a hard time on this thread

It does not mean that children rule and everyone has to work around them while their heedless parents let them run around, shout, scream, bang stuff off the table and wander where they like regardless of disturbance to other customers

I agree with what you wrote above. I LOVE children but some adults have a blind spot about how noisy their kids are - they’re desensitised. I work in a restaurant and sometimes customers complain about other people’s kids and when the manager says it to the parents in question they can seem a little surprised. I also agree that Really loud adults can bother people . It’s the persistent disturbance that’s annoying . I’m sure you wouldn’t mind the occasional Yelp from a kid but when it’s constant anyone can surely agree it gets annoying

Exactly what I was thinking. If you wanted a private meal then pay the money it costs for a restaurant who does private dinners. It’s a public space. Children shouldn’t be treated as burdens.

If the meal was so expensive then you should try private dinning. Adults and children can be loud when eating out at a public restaurant! I suggest you pay the cost of a private dinner at a restaurant instead of regulating public spaces. If you wanted a noise feed meal put the real cost of expensive dining.

Or alternatively we could just expect people to have common sense about looking after their own children and not letting them be disruptive.

People ask how they're supposed to teach their children to behave of they don't take them to (expensive) restaurants.

You take them to inexpensive restaurants. Once they've learned how to sit still and be quiet (this usually comes with age), then you take them to the more expensive locations.

My children were well behaved children because they were taught early not to intrude on other people in public. That includes wandering in stores and restaurants. When they were not acting well behaved, and one of them would have a fit, they were immediately removed from the situation, because we do not have the right to infringe on other people's space (including making loud noises) just because we're in "public".

If going to a restaurant in Italy or Spain or any other place that does not mind loud children, take your kids. Expensive restaurants (in the US) do not cater to families. Why subject yourself or others to the chaos by taking children who are not yet ready for the environment there?

*People ask how they're supposed to teach their children to behave of they don't take them to (expensive) restaurants.

You take them to inexpensive restaurants. Once they've learned how to sit still and be quiet (this usually comes with age), then you take them to the more expensive locations.*

I agree with the above to a certain extent. But I also think that the key thing is almost certainly setting expectations and boundaries for meal times at home. Sitting nicely on a chair, using cutlery, good manners, no shouting, no banging crockery or dropping things on purpose, etc. If children know how to behave at home, they'll usually do so outside of the home without issue.

We haven't worked up to taking our children to expensive/nice places, we've just done it as and when we wanted to and it's been fine (same with attending weddings, funerals, etc). Perhaps I'm lucky to some extent, but I have always prepared and talked about the situation in advance... I wonder whether too many people turn up expect children to know what to do by default. I often hear other people speaking to their children and saying "you know not to do that" or "you can't do that because this is [insert place/situation] and think that actually, no, the children clearly don't know!

I agree that it definitely begins at home. I think I was really replying to the concept that children do not have to go to a fancy restaurant to learn how to behave in one. They can learn in more appropriate places first.

It to me a long time to work up to taking them to expensive restaurants. They were definitely not toddlers when I did. :)

I definitely also agree that they need to be taught and not expected to behave a certain way without learning.

"So parents shouldn't be entitled to a meal out? Babies cry and toddlers can make noise. You're in a public restaurant."

Once again - Restaurants are NOT PUBLIC PLACES, they are private establishments who are open to the public on their own terms. They can have rules about how people behave in there, and you don't have to like 'em.

I got sick of trying to explain this to customers when I'd move them on for breaking the rules and they'd whinge "but this is a public plaaaaace!". It isn't!!!

Restaurants are NOT "public spaces"!!! They are privately owned buildings operated by a company. There are different rules there. It's not the same as being out in the street.

RESTAURANTS ARE NOT "PUBLIC PLACES".

I'm also shocked at the number of people who, when faced with a conflict of needs between adults dining by themselves, and those who can't keep children quiet/still at a restaurant, seem to think the burden of responsibility is on the adults with no children to "stay at home if you don't like it".

As if the world should be a great big wipe-clean scream-positive playpark for their curious little darlings, and the childless have to skulk at home like they've done something wrong.

Sorry, but people with kids in tow made the more disruptive lifestyle choice here. The burden to reconsider their evening plans is firmly on them. Most restaurants (and most of this planet) are designed first and foremost to cater to adults.

Not necessarily just the childless either. Also those who have paid babysitters to have an adult evening out.

Maybe your husband should've played peek-a-boo with you to cheer you up 😂

Maybe your husband should've played peek-a-boo with you to cheer you up 😂

I love it when the most asinine comment possible is made in the morning. It gets it over with for the rest of the day.

I think that's a big part of the problem. Some parents are so used to eating meals surrounded by noise, babies crying, toddlers complaining etc that they fail to notice that they're driving other people mad.
That is why restaurants, who are charging not only for the food but the service etc, should have policies on how to deal with loud drunken customers, noisy office groups and hen parties and oblivious parents letting their kids create a racket.
Obviously a bit of noise, people laughing etc adds to the atmosphere. But there's a point beyond which it just becomes a nuisance and it's not fair to ask everyone else to.just put up and shut up because you're 'entitled ' to enjoy yourself, regardless of impact on others.

You were a child once too you know, I'm sure you were a delight

What an utterly pointless and irrelevant "argument".

I'm really disappointed to read on this thread that a third of the posters on here are so socially unaware and inept not to realise that when you take children out for meals the expectation to control their children and keep the noise down is beyond them.

I don't have a problem with being around children, animals or other people, but When said children/people/animals are too noisy (by this I mean screeching or shouting, not normal babble, laughter or talking) or invade my personal space then I do have a problem.

I agree that far to many parents seem to be immune to the nuisance effect their children have on other people.

I thought it was an exceptionally silly comment, but wondered was I just being oversensitive.
The poster obviously thinks she's hilarious though.

It’s not the baby or children for me it’s the noise and some parents don’t realise how loud their DC are
I was out for a meal last week later in evening - booked for 8.30pm the whole restaurant was disrupted by a screaming baby - whose parents took it in turns to push them round restaurant in buggy to try and get to sleep - I can’t imagine either parent enjoyed it much either as they were tag teaming and their own food was getting cold

Could you elaborate?

You need to get your head out of your bottom!

?? @Victoriaplum81
Were you the parents of said annoying children?

My sister went to a pub today and sat in the outside dining area. A few boys were kicking a ball around out there and there was a near miss with it hitting the table, so my sister stood up and asked the boys to be more careful. Boys just ignored her. No sign of any parent at this point.

Next thing she knows it’s slammed into their table, spilling their drinks everywhere and into the food. My sister stood up and told the boys she’d told them to be more careful, at which point an irate mum appears and tells my sister off for disciplining her kids. My sister got the meal comped (entitled mare that she is!!!!!) and left, at which point the boys were kicking the ball at cars instead. This is the kind of thing that makes me really not keen to eat out in the UK. We’ve become so horribly entitled and everywhere that allows kids is like a zoo.