To be pissed off at my tight husband

[Bunnyfuller]

It’s my birthday next week, I will be 55. On DH’s birthday I got him some apple EarPods, from Wowcher, admittedly, but all the same a well over £100 gift, cheapie lunch out.

After 21 years of no effort at a surprise, I’ve resigned myself to booking/choosing anything myself and he just doesn’t. So I booked a restaurant on a night when there’s a deal - 3 course set menu. His first words were ‘we’re not having alcohol, right?’

I’ve cancelled the booking, what’s the fun going out with someone who clearly resents getting their hand in their pocket. It’s not that I would have demanded 3 cocktails and a bottle of fizz, it’s just him saying that as the opener that has pissed me off.

Teenage DD’s working over my birthday, so yet another year where ‘hope you’re spoilt’ is a fucking sick joke. No family nearby, both sets of parents not a farthing to Ru together.

I feel invisible and unloved. 😐yes, I’m a adult, but just long for one year where a birthday IS a special day, for me, just once.

Are you single and living in a shed by any chance Tuskanini?

OP, what do you mean "this appeared?" Do you mean he just left it on the table?

He got the message...

He brought it home with him, not sulky, just ‘this is for you’.

I hope that bottle being left out is not in lieu of a massive apology?

I also hope he is not trying to pass this off as your 55th birthday gift????

A) it's the wrong day
B) it's no my wrapped
C) it is a drink

Its like giving someone roast potatoes for Christmas.

No, it’s to mark the occasion, that’s what.

And it’s to show she’s worth it, not to prove anything.

Have some 💐🥂from me OP

Cross post OP. Good. Tell him it is a start. He now has a few days to plan your birthday.

Ah so he is apologising by not apologising

My dh is not the best at buying gifts, but i knew that but he tries, I bought myself something which I gave to him (and he almost forgot) but he did then buy me a thoughtful gift.

It is the thought that counts and wanting to spoil the one you are meant to love. But if his DP don't do birthdays it's hardly a suprise and maybe you have to do this to make him realise that he can behave better towards you.

Have a lovely birthday OP

Ps. I love a good wander in a garden centre on my birthday, sometimes it only needs to be simple but do it for you :)

What a cock. I hate mean people.

Treat him the way he treats you.

3 cocktails and a bottle of fizz is the least you deserve and if I lived closer to you l’d buy you them myself.

After many years of getting mugs for my birthday, Chistmas and as gifts when he is abroad occasionally, I buy myself a present.

I’ve said YABU- not for wanting to go out and have a nice time on your birthday, but for putting up with crap for so long.

You know how to sort this, without a bunch of strangers telling you, really you do, and all good luck to you

Hey OP,
Do your working daughters treat you on your birthday at all or are they like their father?

He sounds like a very selfish man.

Have you ever told him he’s selfish and needs to be better?

My husband is just like this- he goes out all the time- 2/3 nights per week after work- but we never go out. I get really upset about it.

This level of tightness would be an absolute deal breaker for me. I feel for you.

It's time for a birthday fund for you. Every payday put at least 5 in your new fund. Don't tell anyone, You will feel like a million dollars every time you do it and on your special day blow it all - but only on you!

I sympathise with you entirely as my d.h is exactly like this , more so recently ! I've started bying his cheap non considerate tat for his birthdays , you should of seen his face when he opened the crappy chese cutting board for his birthday and he then had the cheek "why this " . I've learnt from my mistakes am currently separated from him. I don't give anything of my energy and time for him . Devote all of that time and energy to kids and get unconditionally love back in skip loads because of it! My ad is up a hobby as an evening class ? , meet new friends doing said hobby and live as independent a life as possible without him. You are clearly far too good for someone like this ! No more considerate presents and trust me he'll start getting the hint as soon as he isn't in control anymore ! Happy birthday Lovely lady xx

@Bunnyfuller
Let me know an address where I can send a gift and I'll send a surprise every birthday. 🎂🎉

Why are so many men tight-fisted? What is it that’s going on there? Sure some women are too but in the main it always seems to be men that have issues around retention of money. Is it a control thing?

My father is a case in point. He has a lot of money but is so so miserly he reminds me of Scrooge. He never spends a dime. Never takes my mum out for dinner, never buys a fucking drink if we’re all out together. Will only buy necessities in the supermarket. Refuses to ever buy anything for anyone else, ever. It really hacks me off as I see my mum living a pauper’s life with him whilst he sits in his pile of gold like a dragon. What is the point? He can’t take it with him!!! But he will certainly be the richest man in the graveyard.

Heidseick Champagne. £24 down from £35 Asda. Enjoy.

@LoisLane66 yep, I realise, but that’s a lot to spend on a bottle of wine for us!

woweee, that’s all she took from the thread.

Have you told him how you feel?
if you have and he still
doesnt bother - OP I’d be really sad for you xxx

He ran into your boundary and learned an important lesson.

This is a bloody good example of why you need boundaries and need to enforce them.

Go to the restaurant and drink the bar fry - on his card. Enjoy.

Some of the replies on this thread are so sad. Why do you it up with it? Why make the effort for them to get nothing in return.

What a miserable bastard. Sorry he has made you feel shit. Do you have any friends/ family you could organise a night away with? Go visit someone and let him know that you would rather spend your birthday in someone else’s company? And as he has form - start a little savings pot for your birthday treat next year - put a little bit away every week/month- starling bank do “saving spaces” and book a fabulous weekend away - theatre + fancy restaurant, weekend in Porto , skydiving - whatever you fancy. Make this the last birthday he ruins.