Crying over French attitude to my autistic son

[Luckyloubytwo]

We are in France at the moment and having a mostly wonderful time. DS 9 has asd but is usually fairly easy going, quiet, and you wouldn't notice he was different to other children.

However, yesterday and today he has had a huge meltdown in public. When this happens in the UK it is difficult but people generally are understanding and mimd their own business. However, here it seems to bring the whole town to a standstill. People will just stop in their tracks and stare. Today we were in a busy area and it seemed to bring everyone to a halt. We all got very upset back at the car and I just can't stop crying.

I am just feeling so upset at the attitude of the French people towards our son.

OP I live in France and have worked here as a teacher. Sadly there is a notable lack of provisions and general awareness of all special needs (is that the correct term still?!).

The French aren’t rude, they just love to stare.

no where is perfect.

sorry you felt like crap, sounded like a stressful situation , chalk it down to small town curiosity. “Il a l’austime, il faut le comprendre “

The French are no more racist and sexist than anywhere else. In fact they do tend to be more enlightened insofar as such matters are debated in school and as part of everyday life in the cafés philo for example. de Beauvoir, Cixous, Irigaray et al did a lot to open peoples’ eyes.

I am really sorry you had such an upsetting experience, OP. I hope you can enjoy the rest of the holidays.

You thought the experiences of parents who had their autistic children removed by the state and out in residential hospitals, the fact only 20% of autistic children are in schools, Macron’s autism action plan and the facts from the UN, to be subjective?

Whilst I might not agree with all that LINABE said I did take on board that it as merely an explanation of cultural differences and I do very much agree that it should be more socially acceptable to admonish other's dc in public places. It is actually a way of showing care for others and did used to happen in the UK.

Just a stern look and a sharp word stopped me and my sisters in our tracks as we argued loudly between ourselves as mum was in a shop. And as a mother of a 'bold toddler' (later diagnosed with autism) I recall being very grateful when any stranger helped in this way when I was in public with ds.

Ahh that is rotten! Try not to let it get you down. I have to advice to offer. I hope you find away to enjoy the rest of your holiday.

I don’t want to live in a world where adults can speak down to the children of strangers. It’s usually not helpful and it’s extremely patronising. I also don’t know why you’d care about kids being typical kids. As much as we like to all say it would be nice if children were better behaved in public I’d rather witness a kid having a tantrum than hark back to the old days attitude of children should be seen and not heard. It just breeds judgement.

So is there a much less incidence of SEN children in France so that they just don't encounter it?
If so, I wonder why that is?

This^

We have never had an issue with other peoples attitudes towards our asd dc.

Although maybe being French I am naturally rude and just don’t see it?

I think it's an incredibly dated, slanted, poorly-researched and subjective article.

It’s really doesn’t surprise me sadly. France also has a very low autism diagnoses rate.

Take a deep breath. You’re doing your best.

What part was researched poorly? Do you not believe what is being said by the reputable sources?

Rude and backward, and don't forget judgemental! 😉

Oh & just for comparison, I’ve had more rudeness here in the UK levelled at me when out with my kids than I have ever experienced in France & I’ve been going there for over 30 yrs. Here I’ve had a man tell my my son needs reins , a woman on an escalator coming out of a supermarket calling me stupid for walking my son into the escalator (he was 5 & we were just standing there holding hands.) I had a man in a van aggressively shouting at me in a supermarket car park because he thought I’d punched his space (I hadn’t,) and that was whilst I was carrying a newborn.

I had another mum dress me down on the school run because my son ran off down the path ahead of me & she thought it was her right to butt in.

So many interfering, unpleasant people out there. But I’ve only experienced them in the UK. In my books the French are more polite than the English!

A lot of the information is very dated and subjectively presented.

Such as?

Onto the escalator rather! I can understand why she’d call me stupid if I’d walked him into it 😆

Yanbu. Goodness knows how the first person to reply decided you are unreasonable to be upset by people stopping and staring at your son.

Why are you being so aggressive with me? I don't have to pick apart and provide counter evidence for the entire article and I don't have time to right now. Did you write the flipping article? I don't understand why you're getting so defensive about it. Please just get off my back. I find the attitudes here, saying all French people are repressed and abusive and rude (basically) quite unpleasant, and I don't really want to have my head bitten off by you any more this evening.

@Jourdain11 ”french” isn’t a race 🤦🏻‍♀️😂

Agreed. I've been going to Lourdes for years.. it dubs itself the 'City of the Sick' but until very recently nowhere was wheelchair friendly. Really high kerbs and very few disabled toilets. I was very surprised how behind it was.

💐

I've never been to France but I have had dozens of frustrating encounters with members of the public here in the UK when my DS is having a meltdown.

As he's severely autistic he has to be on wrist reigns attatched to me or DH whenever we go anywhere slightly busy, or anywhere near a road actually, as he has no sense of danger and will run into traffic because he loves busses and cars so much.

Twice in a month I've had ignorant and nosy women quiz me on why he's wearing them, how he must hate being so restricted and one said she hoped wearing them doesn't hurt him 🙄

I explained to the last one that wearing wrist reigns has saved his life on several occasions because due to his disability he has no sense of danger and tries to run into the road. I asked would she prefer I allowed him to be hit by a car. She quickly backtracked and apologised saying she didn't realise. I apologised for being shirty but in hindsight don't think I should have.

Try not to let this get you down.

@Luckyloubytwo I’m sorry that happened. Dealing with a meltdown is always hard, and so much worse in a hostile environment.

I hope you can recover some equanimity and enjoy the rest of your holiday.

And just to throw in my tuppance ha’penny worth - head to Denmark next time. We’ve had a lovely time there with my autistic ds, where they just couldn’t be any more accommodating and kind.

Okay, xenophobic then, because that's obviously much nicer and more acceptable.