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Original poster

Feel a bit shakey after ds 10s behaviour

644 replies

BearGryllsDad · 21/08/2022 16:19

For reasons I won't go into I had to take the DCs into town with me to do some exercise. Afterward I took them into M and S as I wanted to check out the sale and get the kids a meal in the cafe (kids eat free, or one does anyway). I have never heard so much moaning and playing up as this from ds who is 10 nearly 11. At one point he was crying because he finished his food and leave even though I still had food on my plate and my drink. His little brother was happily entertaining himself, but ds was making a scene to the extent some people were noticing.

Then whilst I had a quick look arousnd the sale items, mum, mum, mum I want to go. Mum, mum, mum. You said one shop. And on and on he went. I told him to give me five minutes, but he couldn't. At one point he lay on the floor feigning something. He started winding up his younger brother calling him a weirdo and sniggering at him. Pointing out pink t shirts and saying they were for him. In the end I told him to stop as he was being infuriating. I didn't loose my temper and kept it together. But I am sitting at home feeling an angry, shakey mess. I've even had a few tears. I often feels like he tries to control things and play up if we have to run errands or so something that is not centered around him. As soon as he gets home he plugs into YouTube and that may be part of the problem. I know m and s is boring but should he be able to tolerate 30 minutes of boredom at his age without making such an embarrassing scene?

OP posts:
Original poster
BearGryllsDad · 22/08/2022 09:44

A pamper day to me would be getting mails done, hair done, a mini break or a spa day. Not a quick jaunt to 1 shop after an exercise class!

OP posts:
mountainsunsets · 22/08/2022 09:50

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

mountainsunsets · 22/08/2022 09:51

what if it was a choice between taking the kids to the exercise class or not being able to go at all?

cos that was OP’s situation she would have had to have missed out if she didn’t take the kids

Oh well 🤷🏻‍♀️

That's being a parent. Her childcare fell through so she should have adjusted her plans accordingly, not just carried on regardless.

It's not always appropriate to have your kids tagging along and this is one of those times IMO. It's not fair on the other participants in the class (or the instructor) to have kids present.

mountainsunsets · 22/08/2022 09:56

MsTSwift · 21/08/2022 23:24

God I agree with Wouldlove and the recent posts.. I spent large chunks of my childhood in Gardener Haskins. Older children need to learn about the mundanity of life and that their parents do not exist to be their own personal nonstop Butlins redcoat entertainment.

I don't find life mundane at all, because I'm not dragged along on someone else's errands. I'm free to stay home, wait in the car, sit in Starbucks or the pub or go and do my own stuff while I wait.

Tagging along while your parents shop isn't some weird life lesson for adulthood. It might be necessary sometimes but let's not dress it up as something more than that.

Original poster
BearGryllsDad · 22/08/2022 09:57

It's not always appropriate to have your kids tagging along and this is one of those times IMO. It's not fair on the other participants in the class (or the instructor) to have kids present.

The instructor sometimes brings her daughter of the same age too. It's not an issue and no one minds. It's the summer holidays. She just sits and plays on her ipad too.

OP posts:
BusyMum47 · 22/08/2022 10:02

I teach 10/11 Yr olds (& have teenagers) - at that age, they should DEFINITELY be able to put up with running some 'boring' life errands without being such a massive pain in the arse.
Consequence for today, serious chat about what's expected in future & limits on screen time.
He won't be happy but he'll benefit in the long run.
Sucks to be a parent sometimes! 🥴

Sideorderofchips · 22/08/2022 10:30

Op you are not wrong. He's ten and should kmow better

Kids need to realise that the world does not constantly revolve around what they want all the time and other people have wants and needs too

ancientgran · 22/08/2022 11:22

LuckySantangelo35 · 21/08/2022 18:31

@Pumperthepumper

id have just ignored him and carried on
he would soon get bored

Show quote history

One of mine did it when he was 2. I ignored him, he never did it again.

Deadringer · 22/08/2022 11:51

Whether the preparing them for adulthood or the setting him up to fail pps are right, for a 10 year old that behaviour is ott and there should be some sort of sanction. Crying because they have to wait while someone finishes what's on their plate is ridiculous, it was a cafe not a 7 course tasting menu, and lying on the floor acting up is a bit much. I would be annoyed, and as I said in a pp, I would have given a warning about losing time on his device when home, and I would follow it through.

StClare101 · 22/08/2022 12:35

I wouldn’t accept this from my six year old. Writhing on the floor? Crying in a cafe? Being awful to his brother? No way.

Christ some people have low standards for their kids (not you, OP).

mountainsunsets · 22/08/2022 12:47

BearGryllsDad · 22/08/2022 09:57

It's not always appropriate to have your kids tagging along and this is one of those times IMO. It's not fair on the other participants in the class (or the instructor) to have kids present.

The instructor sometimes brings her daughter of the same age too. It's not an issue and no one minds. It's the summer holidays. She just sits and plays on her ipad too.

But clearly it was some kind of an issue, because he went on to behave poorly afterwards.

IMO, the next activity should have been a way for him to run off some his energy before going for lunch and to the shops. Children are like dogs - they need to be exercised to stop them being silly and climbing the walls Wink

Maybe next time do the football before the shops. Don't use exercise as a treat/incentive to behave well, it should be something he gets to do regardless. So, aerobics class for you, a run about playing football for the kids, then lunch (where they'll hopefully be tired and starving), then shops, then home.

LuckySantangelo35 · 22/08/2022 12:49

mountainsunsets · 22/08/2022 09:51

what if it was a choice between taking the kids to the exercise class or not being able to go at all?

cos that was OP’s situation she would have had to have missed out if she didn’t take the kids

Oh well 🤷🏻‍♀️

That's being a parent. Her childcare fell through so she should have adjusted her plans accordingly, not just carried on regardless.

It's not always appropriate to have your kids tagging along and this is one of those times IMO. It's not fair on the other participants in the class (or the instructor) to have kids present.

@mountainsunsets

nah that’s not being a parent, that’s being a Marty

nothing and no one gets in the way of me doing exercise!
Exercise helps keep my weight down

it’s one day in his life. This ten year old child really should have just been able to tolerate it without crying and rolling around on the floor

mountainsunsets · 22/08/2022 13:14

LuckySantangelo35 · 22/08/2022 12:49

@mountainsunsets

nah that’s not being a parent, that’s being a Marty

nothing and no one gets in the way of me doing exercise!
Exercise helps keep my weight down

it’s one day in his life. This ten year old child really should have just been able to tolerate it without crying and rolling around on the floor

Show quote history

For the thousandth time, I don't disagree with you.

But that doesn't mean the day couldn't have been handled better. If OP really had to go to her class, then why not take the kids for a run about afterwards?

So, instead of 40 minutes on screens followed by (to them) several hours of boring errands, they' have had 40 minutes on screens, followed by a good run about playing football. That way, they'd have been happy and tired, and probably much more likely to tolerate traipsing around sale rails after lunch.

Pava22 · 22/08/2022 13:22

That's not normal behaviour. My kids are aged 3,4,7 and 9. I expect some of that behaviour from my 3 year old. Maybe some whinging from my 5 and a bit from my 7 year old but my 9 year old...no. he might say I'm bored but in general he will just get on with it. We chat and have a conversation and he helps with the shopping etc. If he ever did behave in that way then he would lose a gadget for a week. They watch YouTube and I can say it doesn't effect their behaviour at all. They play outside a lot too.

Have you tried just simply talking to him OP? And having conversations of interest to him when out?

Original poster
BearGryllsDad · 22/08/2022 14:01

But that doesn't mean the day couldn't have been handled better. If OP really had to go to her class, then why not take the kids for a run about afterwards?

Cos they were hangry at that point. Also I'm really glad I took him along to the exercise class. Today I caught him on his laptop doing a workout. Clearly I modeled it yesterday and it inspired him. So a bad day yesterday but he learned from it! So did I about weaning off YouTube. Progress all around.

OP posts:
QueSyrahSyrah · 22/08/2022 14:15

Those that say their kids 'help with the shopping' I assume you mean a food shop or similar, where they can be engaged and help look for the things you went in for?

That's great in Asda or anywhere you've gone with a purpose but it doesn't really work if you're just browsing the Women's clothing sale does it? At 38 years old I'd rather do just about anything than trail around after someone else aimlessly browsing, but thankfully since I'm an Adult I have the autonomy to go off and do something else instead if that situation ever arises.

As an only child I was often bored and was good at making my own entertainment at home but clothes shopping was a big struggle point. I couldn't read walking round a shop, nor did the adults ever want to talk or play eye-spy or whatever because they were concentrating on their browsing. I wasn't allowed to go look at the kids clothes or the toys in case I got lost or more likely in case I asked for something. Just absolute mind-numbing boredom from beginning to end.

I do think these few hours must have felt like eons to the OPs kids, but from the latest update it seems all's well that ends well.

helpfulperson · 22/08/2022 15:01

If its a choice between taking a 6 and 10 year old to an exercise class and not going then of course you don't go. Nothing to do with avoiding any type of poor behaviour just that it's not fair on the other people in the class to have them sitting there even on screens. Or even sitting in reception.

LuckySantangelo35 · 22/08/2022 15:09

helpfulperson · 22/08/2022 15:01

If its a choice between taking a 6 and 10 year old to an exercise class and not going then of course you don't go. Nothing to do with avoiding any type of poor behaviour just that it's not fair on the other people in the class to have them sitting there even on screens. Or even sitting in reception.

@helpfulperson

why not?

BusyMum47 · 22/08/2022 15:54

helpfulperson · 22/08/2022 15:01

If its a choice between taking a 6 and 10 year old to an exercise class and not going then of course you don't go. Nothing to do with avoiding any type of poor behaviour just that it's not fair on the other people in the class to have them sitting there even on screens. Or even sitting in reception.

Why not?? They actively encourage parents to let their kids sit & watch at my gym.

Their mum is sending them a positive message - her needs are just as important as theirs sometimes, exercise is a great thing to model in general & everything is not always all about them; sometimes you have to be patient & supportive of another person & this sometimes means you have to do stuff that you consider boring but you just have to suck it up - especially when you're aged 11 & old enough to understand!!

Tuskanini · 22/08/2022 17:52

The Victorians would have blamed this on reading novels. Now the demon is 'screen time'.

TrixieMixie · 22/08/2022 17:58

His behaviour sounds like a 3 year old, not a nearly 11 year old. Throwing himself on the floor and crying because he doesn't like being in a cafe is more typical of a toddler tantrum than a kid ( I assume) about to go to senior school.

Queenbee77 · 22/08/2022 18:02

My friend had similar behaviour from her 3 kids. Its cos they just want to be on youtube. One of hers has starting hitting while the other one joins in to stop my friend from stopping the child hittingbher? She had to stop internet altogether. When they behave...they can have it back! Yell them quite calmly and then leave the room......follow thru and make sure they behave for 24hours before it is turned on.

Mumontour85 · 22/08/2022 18:05

I'm actually astounded at so many comments being along the lines ofhottot that this day was not centered around the kids and the OP mum is terrible for making the kids do grown up stuff!

You must have a load of selfish, bratty little shitheads if your kids never have to join for adult stuff and you just ferry them around to their stuff all the time, buying them McDonald's to appease them if they do, god forbid, have to go to m&s!!

OP, discipline your child, remove YouTube privileges and make clear that he is not in charge and sometimes has to do things that he doesn't necessarily want to do but has to.

GingerWit · 22/08/2022 18:09

BearGryllsDad · 21/08/2022 16:19

For reasons I won't go into I had to take the DCs into town with me to do some exercise. Afterward I took them into M and S as I wanted to check out the sale and get the kids a meal in the cafe (kids eat free, or one does anyway). I have never heard so much moaning and playing up as this from ds who is 10 nearly 11. At one point he was crying because he finished his food and leave even though I still had food on my plate and my drink. His little brother was happily entertaining himself, but ds was making a scene to the extent some people were noticing.

Then whilst I had a quick look arousnd the sale items, mum, mum, mum I want to go. Mum, mum, mum. You said one shop. And on and on he went. I told him to give me five minutes, but he couldn't. At one point he lay on the floor feigning something. He started winding up his younger brother calling him a weirdo and sniggering at him. Pointing out pink t shirts and saying they were for him. In the end I told him to stop as he was being infuriating. I didn't loose my temper and kept it together. But I am sitting at home feeling an angry, shakey mess. I've even had a few tears. I often feels like he tries to control things and play up if we have to run errands or so something that is not centered around him. As soon as he gets home he plugs into YouTube and that may be part of the problem. I know m and s is boring but should he be able to tolerate 30 minutes of boredom at his age without making such an embarrassing scene?

He sounds like a typical kid. However, he also sounds like a typical kid who has an addiction to screen time/technology. He wanted to get home because he was so focused on getting online and not missing something.

He needs to be weaned off.

Mollymoostoo · 22/08/2022 18:12

mbosnz · 21/08/2022 16:22

Mmmm, well, I'd be unplugging him from youtube for the rest of the day (and anything else) after his little exhibition.

Exactly. There needs to be consequences for this sort of behaviour.