Feel a bit shakey after ds 10s behaviour

[BearGryllsDad]

For reasons I won't go into I had to take the DCs into town with me to do some exercise. Afterward I took them into M and S as I wanted to check out the sale and get the kids a meal in the cafe (kids eat free, or one does anyway). I have never heard so much moaning and playing up as this from ds who is 10 nearly 11. At one point he was crying because he finished his food and leave even though I still had food on my plate and my drink. His little brother was happily entertaining himself, but ds was making a scene to the extent some people were noticing.

Then whilst I had a quick look arousnd the sale items, mum, mum, mum I want to go. Mum, mum, mum. You said one shop. And on and on he went. I told him to give me five minutes, but he couldn't. At one point he lay on the floor feigning something. He started winding up his younger brother calling him a weirdo and sniggering at him. Pointing out pink t shirts and saying they were for him. In the end I told him to stop as he was being infuriating. I didn't loose my temper and kept it together. But I am sitting at home feeling an angry, shakey mess. I've even had a few tears. I often feels like he tries to control things and play up if we have to run errands or so something that is not centered around him. As soon as he gets home he plugs into YouTube and that may be part of the problem. I know m and s is boring but should he be able to tolerate 30 minutes of boredom at his age without making such an embarrassing scene?

OP you’re being a bit precious about the class. I’ll back you 100% in terms of expecting your DS to behave whilst you have some lunch and go shopping. But if you’ve taken them into a public aerobics class, which other people have paid to participate in, it’s not really OK to have them sat there in the corner, watching.

I swam the Channel a few years back, I trained for 2 yrs - 5 days a week in the pool and every Saturday (plus Sundays 3 months beforehand) in Dover Harbour. DH was a rock taking care of DC whilst I trained, but there were times he couldn’t, and I had to miss it. It wasn’t ideal, but that’s life with kids.

Well, you’re being dramatic about the school again, but we don’t know how he is generally with routine or plans changing or friends or at activities. So it’s a funny thing to immediately jump to ‘he can control it!’ when actually, we don’t know if that’s true or not.

I wouldn't take two kids to my exercise class because the only way to keep them entertained is with screen time. If I had for some reason been completely unable to miss the exercise class I wouldn't then push my luck with a trek round M&S. Even the lunch seems a bit like hard work - maybe a picnic in the park with the football would have worked better. Top much sitting around and trudging around.

But yes, YT and screen time generally is just a rod for we poor parents' backs - and it doesn't go away.

I’m not being dramatic at all. He rolls round the floor in a tantrum when he is bored and cries if he has finished his food and wants to leave the table but others haven’t finished. If he is displaying this behaviour in school and can’t control it that is of course extremely concerning. But op hasn’t mentioned that, and of course we have to assume that an op includes relevant information.

You’ve called me dramatic twice now though, despite me not being dramatic at all. I presume you’re the type who does that to try to invalidate other people’s arguments. I can understand since your own argument is simply too flimsy to stand alone.

You are being dramatic though, insisting the OP heads straight to school or that he cries when he’s with his friends at lunch. My argument is that he shouldn’t be punished, the OP should work within his limits. Hardly flimsy.

He has been called a model pupil at school. So no, he woukd never do that there.

And how is he with his friends?

I was arguing with your implication that he ‘can’t cope’ and we don’t know if he does this elsewhere. I was simply saying if he does any of this at school then of course it will be flagged as an issue, because it’s not normal for Year 6 students to sit crying because other people are finished eating. I didn’t at any point ‘insist’ that he does it at school. I was pointing out that he doesn’t do it at school, implying that he does in fact have the capacity to cope with others eating when he has finished without crying and throwing himself around. He just chooses to do it to his mum so he can go home and stare at YouTube.

Oh don’t worry OP

many on mumsnet don’t get the importance of physical exercise and going to the gym or exercise class

they don’t do anything for themselves any more, it’s all about the kids.

Something like taking care of your physical appearance and fitness is seen as a self indulgent waste of time, you should be doing stuff with your childrennnnn 24/7 instead - they didn’t ask to be born and you’re a mother now!!

I mean look how your day as been described as “self indulgent” and a “pamper”. Says it all

@Pumperthepumper you're really reaching now aren't you.

Why?

1. Op is shaken by his terrible behaviour today which would imply he's been able to cope with things before. Presumably if he was in the habit of banging tables to spill her tea, being a sod to his brother, and rolling around on the floor making a scene on a regular basis, she would have said so.

1. I have never heard of a 10 year old NT unable to cope with sitting playing games on a phone for 40 mins, having lunch and then shopping, total less than 4 hours. Ever. Its utterly ridiculous to think he "can't" and (I believe) it's deliberate behaviour fuelled by selfish need to get back to his addiction.

I know enough about child development to safely say if he really "can't" cope with the above very undemanding and basic activities then he's NOT NT and would need extra support.

I don't believe that to be the case here. He's NT and being a brat. You don't know either so stop pretending you have some great parenting insight. You don't.

I'm not going to reply to you any more as you having nothing new to say and just keep banging on with the same old points that are getting very dull now.

You don’t know that he chooses to do anything though. You know nothing about him and you’re egging his parent on to punish him, because he doesn’t behave like your kids did.

That would be the end of YouTube and all tech for the foreseeable then. He needs discipline and consequences.

By the way, did you tell him is fine for boys to wear pink?

You also don’t know anything about him, unless you’re secretly his dad or something. And I am in no way ‘egging his mother on to punish him because he doesn’t behave like my kids.’ I’m offering advice on dealing with bad behaviour since op has posted about struggling with this.

I suspect it typically works out less disappointing in adulthood for some demographics than for others, at least for a while.

That's why there's always a steady stream of posters on here wondering if they're "being unreasonable" to have finally very briefly considered that maybe they SHOULDN'T pander 100% to every whim of the Peter Pan/Colin Cocklodger/Milo Manchild/Seb Spermdoner/Disney Dad in their lives.

expecting a 10 year old not to roll about on the floor just because he is bored is not setting him up to fail.

being bored is not some dreadful, life changing event that children cannot cope with.

its part and parcel of everyday life

he was acting up because he wasn’t getting his own way.

Oh don’t worry OP

many on mumsnet don’t get the importance of physical exercise and going to the gym or exercise class

they don’t do anything for themselves any more, it’s all about the kids.

Something like taking care of your physical appearance and fitness is seen as a self indulgent waste of time, you should be doing stuff with your childrennnnn 24/7 instead - they didn’t ask to be born and you’re a mother now!!

I mean look how your day as been described as “self indulgent” and a “pamper”. Says it all

Maybe it was the right time for you to tell your son to pack it in using a tone of voice that made him understand he had crossed the line and you were not happy. Sometimes you need to be a parent. Of course he won, even though he was bullying his brother he still got to go home and do what he liked.

your Son lay on the floor in m&s and he’s about to start year 6?

sorry I disagree with the posters who say it’s just a kid being mildly silly, what the hell. Year 6 behaviour is not that. I’d expect that from a. 3/4 yo. Those of you who think the amount of time to walk to the shops (30 mins tops? ) plus 30 mins in a shop is too much for a ten year old, what are you setting your kids up for? The world cannot revolve around them at all times.

@LuckySantangelo35 totally agree with you. ‘Self indulgent pamper’ looking round m&s for 30 mins tops and having a quick sandwich in the cafe ? Absolute lunacy. Some people obviously have their kids days scheduled to the absolute second with ‘enriching’ activities. Kids need to be bored. This child should be out playing with friends for hours without parental input, even capable of going into a. Shop for a pint of milk alone or whatever. Not laying on the floor moaning. OP I think screen time removal is the way forward. He has to learn to entertain himself !

Exactly this
You've made a Rod for your own back this needs to stop before it's too late

God I agree with Wouldlove and the recent posts.. I spent large chunks of my childhood in Gardener Haskins. Older children need to learn about the mundanity of life and that their parents do not exist to be their own personal nonstop Butlins redcoat entertainment.

@BearGryllsDad

Really? Crying because I wouldn't leave the cafe half way through my meal, writhing around on the floor in M and S because I wouldn't immediately leave? He is neurotypical so it's not a sensory thing.

Whilst it's not acceptable behaviour, it's not anything unusual for a boy that age to find shopping really boring.

He was just being a bit of a twat. There's another poster on here saying that her DS9 is beating her up in her own home. I think if this is the worst of his behaviour you're doing OK.

M&S is a treat in your eyes for lunch but maybe not for him?

@oviraptor21

what if it was a choice between taking the kids to the exercise class or not being able to go at all?

cos that was OP’s situation she would have had to have missed out if she didn’t take the kids

You should have done this regardless, not as a reward. Kids really need loads of exercise, even more so if they’ve been on screens for hours and hours.

you kind of have to accept that some of this is down to your parenting. Accept it, and then work out how to make sure he’s getting enough time away from screens. Yes screens keep them quiet but they stop them moving around and staying physically active.

My kids get bored of me saying “balance” - they know that they have to get outside if they’ve had loads of screens. They know that they have to take breaks - which I have to enforce because YouTube etc is addictive for many kids.

so was his behaviour ideal? No it was embarrassing. Is some of that your fault as parent? 100% yes.