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Original poster

Feel a bit shakey after ds 10s behaviour

644 replies

BearGryllsDad · 21/08/2022 16:19

For reasons I won't go into I had to take the DCs into town with me to do some exercise. Afterward I took them into M and S as I wanted to check out the sale and get the kids a meal in the cafe (kids eat free, or one does anyway). I have never heard so much moaning and playing up as this from ds who is 10 nearly 11. At one point he was crying because he finished his food and leave even though I still had food on my plate and my drink. His little brother was happily entertaining himself, but ds was making a scene to the extent some people were noticing.

Then whilst I had a quick look arousnd the sale items, mum, mum, mum I want to go. Mum, mum, mum. You said one shop. And on and on he went. I told him to give me five minutes, but he couldn't. At one point he lay on the floor feigning something. He started winding up his younger brother calling him a weirdo and sniggering at him. Pointing out pink t shirts and saying they were for him. In the end I told him to stop as he was being infuriating. I didn't loose my temper and kept it together. But I am sitting at home feeling an angry, shakey mess. I've even had a few tears. I often feels like he tries to control things and play up if we have to run errands or so something that is not centered around him. As soon as he gets home he plugs into YouTube and that may be part of the problem. I know m and s is boring but should he be able to tolerate 30 minutes of boredom at his age without making such an embarrassing scene?

OP posts:
Kanaloa · 21/08/2022 19:13

Pumperthepumper · 21/08/2022 19:11

Stop trailing him around to exercise plus cafe plus sale. ‘And’ is a connective.

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Yes. It’s connecting all three things which you suggest she needs to ‘stop trailing him round.’ You didn’t actually say ‘plus.’ Either way asking a child to do two things (wait at an exercise class then look in a shop) is not excessive.

LemonSwan · 21/08/2022 19:13

Well no pumper. As boring as I remember it being; it’s important kids learn patience, respect and that the world doesn’t revolve around them.

Did me no harm

Pumperthepumper · 21/08/2022 19:13

Kanaloa · 21/08/2022 19:13

Yes. It’s connecting all three things which you suggest she needs to ‘stop trailing him round.’ You didn’t actually say ‘plus.’ Either way asking a child to do two things (wait at an exercise class then look in a shop) is not excessive.

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I didn’t think I’d have to rewrite a pretty basic sentence, no. Lesson learned.

Pumperthepumper · 21/08/2022 19:14

LemonSwan · 21/08/2022 19:13

Well no pumper. As boring as I remember it being; it’s important kids learn patience, respect and that the world doesn’t revolve around them.

Did me no harm

Except it did, because you think making kids bored then punishing them for being bored is a good way to teach them patience.

Allyouneedislunch · 21/08/2022 19:15

If he doesn’t normally behave like this then he is trying to tell you something with his behaviour. If he’s now calm and in a good place to listen, I would gently say something like ‘it seemed something was going on with you today, perhaps maybe you’re worried about school....’ Or along these lines. Followed by perhaps suggesting just you and him go out together to a cafe of his choice for some quality time before school starts.
At 10, he is still a little boy and although of course he needs to understand how to behave in public, things maybe too much for him atm.

LuckySantangelo35 · 21/08/2022 19:16

Pumperthepumper · 21/08/2022 18:48

I’m seriously concerned that you can’t understand these posts properly. Setting them up to be bored. Then punishing them for being bored. That’s what makes a miserable childhood.

Rather than working with what they can cope with and praising them for it.

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@Pumperthepumper

u seem to think a child being bored is some terrible thing for them to experience

it’s not - it’s normal, everyone feels bored sometimes it’s part of life and it’s no excuse to act like a brat

Pumperthepumper · 21/08/2022 19:17

LuckySantangelo35 · 21/08/2022 19:16

@Pumperthepumper

u seem to think a child being bored is some terrible thing for them to experience

it’s not - it’s normal, everyone feels bored sometimes it’s part of life and it’s no excuse to act like a brat

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I don’t think it’s a terrible thing for them to experience. I think it’s shitty to bore them then punish them for it.

LemonSwan · 21/08/2022 19:18

Pumperthepumper · 21/08/2022 19:14

Except it did, because you think making kids bored then punishing them for being bored is a good way to teach them patience.

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She’s not punishing him because he’s bored. She’s not impressed with his behaviour (which we are assuming is as a result of being bored.)

We all get bored. Part of growing up is learning to deal with these things

Livelovebehappy · 21/08/2022 19:18

HotDogKetchup · 21/08/2022 16:22

if that’s the worst of his behaviour I think he sounds like an alright kid….

Seriously? A 10 year old lying on the floor in the middle of a shop is normal behaviour? It really isn’t. I’d be mortified if my 10 year laid down on the floor whilst out in public. And his devices would be removed as soon as we got home.

QueenCoconut · 21/08/2022 19:19

Pumperthepumper · 21/08/2022 19:14

Except it did, because you think making kids bored then punishing them for being bored is a good way to teach them patience.

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Genuinely interested, How would you teach them patience?

It appears to be by avoiding/ preventing a situation that might make them impatient…

Strangeways19 · 21/08/2022 19:21

Going into the supermarket yesterday there was loads of parents having a stressful time with their kid's having meltdowns. Some parents were completed losing it, was quite hard to listen to.
My only advice is that when I had young children the very last thing I wanted to do was go to the shops with them, they hate it & I say leave them with a babysitter or friend when shopping.

Pumperthepumper · 21/08/2022 19:23

QueenCoconut · 21/08/2022 19:19

Genuinely interested, How would you teach them patience?

It appears to be by avoiding/ preventing a situation that might make them impatient…

Show quote history

It is - so small steps with lots of praise and rewards. Like, ‘today we have to go to the post office and Asda. After that we’ll do X’.

Saz12 · 21/08/2022 19:23

It’s fair to explain to him that you enjoy spending time with him. You love that he enjoys football training/ scouts/whatever, and you want to make sure he gets to go. You don’t begrudge the endless lifts, the waiting around, etc.., but occasionally (very occasionally!) he needs to return the favour... and accept waiting and being bored whilst you do outrageous things like finish your lunch, and spend a short time looking at Mum clothes, stuff that he won’t be interested in but has to tolerate AND wait nicely.

If you don’t explain to him he’s unlikely to figure it out for himself. And it’s best done before the “boring Mum activity” but failing that (I often fail as a parent) do it kindly afterwards.

If he behaves like a wee shite-bag after you’ve explained and you’re talking a manageable amount of mild boredom then you get into the punishments & consequences.

QueenCoconut · 21/08/2022 19:23

Pumperthepumper · 21/08/2022 19:23

It is - so small steps with lots of praise and rewards. Like, ‘today we have to go to the post office and Asda. After that we’ll do X’.

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Sounds brilliant , can’t argue.
if they are 4.

Strangeways19 · 21/08/2022 19:23

Livelovebehappy · 21/08/2022 19:18

Seriously? A 10 year old lying on the floor in the middle of a shop is normal behaviour? It really isn’t. I’d be mortified if my 10 year laid down on the floor whilst out in public. And his devices would be removed as soon as we got home.

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You should go to Asda on a Saturday afternoon, loads of kids tantruming on the floor of all ages. Might join in myself next time I'm there 😉

Pumperthepumper · 21/08/2022 19:25

QueenCoconut · 21/08/2022 19:23

Sounds brilliant , can’t argue.
if they are 4.

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What would you suggest for this ten year old?

Kanaloa · 21/08/2022 19:26

Pumperthepumper · 21/08/2022 19:23

It is - so small steps with lots of praise and rewards. Like, ‘today we have to go to the post office and Asda. After that we’ll do X’.

Show quote history

So exactly what op did. Exercise then she took them for lunch. Shopping then she promised they would play at the football pitch. She did exactly that but as soon as he was finished lunch he cried and tantrummed then rolled round the floor.

Fluffyboo · 21/08/2022 19:27

Come on, the 10 year old's behaviour wasn't good, but this is an incredibly boring for a 10 year old boy.

Well shit happens and not everything in life is interesting and as part of a family we all have to do things that one of the other family members may want to do but we don't. There is nothing wrong with being bored occasionally, and it is healthy for a child to learn to be able to manage it

You only need to look on here, or around you irl and the amount of children/teens/young adults that are completely incapable of dealing with boredom and expect to be entertained at all times is really quite worrying.

LuckySantangelo35 · 21/08/2022 19:27

@Pumperthepumper

she wasn’t punishing him because he was bored

she was punishing him cos his behaviour was terrible

he was embarrassing himself and his mother

TheTurn0fTheScrew · 21/08/2022 19:29

Too much YouTube definitely has a negative effect on my 11yo's behaviour. She has a daily limit, even though I'm otherwise very relaxed about gaming and TV. Something about the brief videos, instantly clicking for more of the same, plus the videos she gravitates toward feature kids who IMVHO tend towards the whiny/entitled/dramatic.

I tried not to judge her viewing at first, as I like a bit of crappy TV myself, but ultimately it wasn't working out well without very tight limits.

LuckySantangelo35 · 21/08/2022 19:30

@Pumperthepumper

any way end of the day he didn’t get his football time as a consequence for his bad behaviour

great parenting from OP

she has taught him a valuable lesson

child realises mum is also a person and sometimes he has to fit in with she wants or needs to do. He will be a much better person for society knowing this.

Wouldloveanother · 21/08/2022 19:32

Pumperthepumper · 21/08/2022 19:23

It is - so small steps with lots of praise and rewards. Like, ‘today we have to go to the post office and Asda. After that we’ll do X’.

Show quote history

Will their employer be striking such negotiations in 8 years? Offering to take them to Pizza Hut if they can do an hour’s work?

Pumperthepumper · 21/08/2022 19:32

No, he started doing that in the cafe. So rather than understanding her kid had reached his (personal, in your opinion abnormal) limits, she then took him to the sales.

Pumperthepumper · 21/08/2022 19:34

LuckySantangelo35 · 21/08/2022 19:27

@Pumperthepumper

she wasn’t punishing him because he was bored

she was punishing him cos his behaviour was terrible

he was embarrassing himself and his mother

But his behaviour was as a result of his boredom. And you thinking that’s ridiculous doesn’t change that’s what happened.

Pumperthepumper · 21/08/2022 19:34

LuckySantangelo35 · 21/08/2022 19:30

@Pumperthepumper

any way end of the day he didn’t get his football time as a consequence for his bad behaviour

great parenting from OP

she has taught him a valuable lesson

child realises mum is also a person and sometimes he has to fit in with she wants or needs to do. He will be a much better person for society knowing this.

She’s taught him she’ll punish him afterwards. That’s not a great lesson IMO.