Feel a bit shakey after ds 10s behaviour

[BearGryllsDad]

For reasons I won't go into I had to take the DCs into town with me to do some exercise. Afterward I took them into M and S as I wanted to check out the sale and get the kids a meal in the cafe (kids eat free, or one does anyway). I have never heard so much moaning and playing up as this from ds who is 10 nearly 11. At one point he was crying because he finished his food and leave even though I still had food on my plate and my drink. His little brother was happily entertaining himself, but ds was making a scene to the extent some people were noticing.

Then whilst I had a quick look arousnd the sale items, mum, mum, mum I want to go. Mum, mum, mum. You said one shop. And on and on he went. I told him to give me five minutes, but he couldn't. At one point he lay on the floor feigning something. He started winding up his younger brother calling him a weirdo and sniggering at him. Pointing out pink t shirts and saying they were for him. In the end I told him to stop as he was being infuriating. I didn't loose my temper and kept it together. But I am sitting at home feeling an angry, shakey mess. I've even had a few tears. I often feels like he tries to control things and play up if we have to run errands or so something that is not centered around him. As soon as he gets home he plugs into YouTube and that may be part of the problem. I know m and s is boring but should he be able to tolerate 30 minutes of boredom at his age without making such an embarrassing scene?

Also, what about the other people getting their nails done while your child kids off? Too bad for them?

@Pumperthepumper

I’m not bothered If he’s bored sometimes

being a bit bored sometimes is part of life

it’s not my job to entertain him and make him happy 24/7

Right, but he’s screaming on the floor and the other people are looking on. What next?

Still no news on what the kids actually did during the mystery exercise…

@Pumperthepumper

my ten year old wouldn’t do that

that kind of behaviour isn’t typical

that’s why op is concerned and fed up

I’m asking you what you would do in the OP’s situation. You have a kid who’s used to being bored. What if your kid was kicking off at the nail place, would you just put up with it even though people were looking? Would you then still take them to a cafe AND THEN on to the sales?

@Pumperthepumper

yeah probably! Kid has to learn its not all about him 🤷‍♀️

Still kicking off the entire time?

Of course. What message are you sending if you cut the trip short? I would’ve said if they don’t behave I will confiscate all screens for 48 hours. And meant it.

Of course. What message are you sending if you cut the trip short? I would’ve said if they don’t behave I will confiscate all screens for 48 hours. And meant it.

A 10 year old who learns they can bring any boring event to an end by rolling on the floor crying is not one you really want to encourage.
Why on earth would you just "skip the sale" and teach him that he's in charge? Baffling.

Good for OP?

She was so distressed she was physically shaking - do you consider that a victory?

So let them kick off and then punish them for it later?

You make it sound like he was taken to watch a 6 hour chess tournament. We’re talking lunch in a cafe, which should be seen as a treat.

Yes. Then the screens would be confiscated, again and again, until they learn how to behave.

It’s a weird idea that skipping the sales is some kind of treat for him. It’s working with what he can cope with, which will ultimately lead to a happier child. Instead of this miserable one with a shaking parent.

Dopamine

Look it up. The dopamine cycle. If you let him have YouTube etc early on in the day he'll already have got his fix and won't see the point of doing anything for you.

He was on a dopamine hangover when you took him out. His brain crashed.

I try to limit my kids use of electronics to late in the afternoon for a couple of hours and then that's it.

TV fine in the evening because it's all together as family activity. Not all screens are the same.

Then you get all the useful things you need to do early on, reward comes in the afternoon, then unwind into the evening with less electronics, certainly not active ones.

What an absolutely miserable childhood then. Set up to fail, then punished for it.

Yes
repeat 100 times if you have too
punish repeatedly and consequently
until they learn and one day they won’t kick off while mum is having her nails done

Set up to fail, then punished. Grim.

I know things like exercise, the gym, having nails done etc are things that some posters think you shouldn’t bother with when you become a mum

A ‘miserable childhood’ because one morning mum made you go for lunch and then look in a shop when what you really wanted to do was play on YouTube😂 how absolutely ridiculous and silly. And what happens when they need to go food shopping and he rolls around the floor crying? Or when he has to do schoolwork he dislikes and rolls round the floor crying? Presumably you just make sure those things don’t happen so he doesn’t do that.

Set up to fail by being taken to a cafe 😂 what utter nonsense, thanks for the laugh though

It isn’t setting up to fail if majority of 10-year old kids go through a full boring day of chores and adult-entered activities and don’t respond with tantrums

I’m seriously concerned that you can’t understand these posts properly. Setting them up to be bored. Then punishing them for being bored. That’s what makes a miserable childhood.

Rather than working with what they can cope with and praising them for it.