Feel a bit shakey after ds 10s behaviour

[BearGryllsDad]

For reasons I won't go into I had to take the DCs into town with me to do some exercise. Afterward I took them into M and S as I wanted to check out the sale and get the kids a meal in the cafe (kids eat free, or one does anyway). I have never heard so much moaning and playing up as this from ds who is 10 nearly 11. At one point he was crying because he finished his food and leave even though I still had food on my plate and my drink. His little brother was happily entertaining himself, but ds was making a scene to the extent some people were noticing.

Then whilst I had a quick look arousnd the sale items, mum, mum, mum I want to go. Mum, mum, mum. You said one shop. And on and on he went. I told him to give me five minutes, but he couldn't. At one point he lay on the floor feigning something. He started winding up his younger brother calling him a weirdo and sniggering at him. Pointing out pink t shirts and saying they were for him. In the end I told him to stop as he was being infuriating. I didn't loose my temper and kept it together. But I am sitting at home feeling an angry, shakey mess. I've even had a few tears. I often feels like he tries to control things and play up if we have to run errands or so something that is not centered around him. As soon as he gets home he plugs into YouTube and that may be part of the problem. I know m and s is boring but should he be able to tolerate 30 minutes of boredom at his age without making such an embarrassing scene?

Your both sound absolutely ridiculous.. OP did not do anything unheard of by taking her kids out. What if her 40 mins was for a GP appointment would she of not taken them or would she lock them in the house ? What possible upper hand was she trying to gain by running errands and browsing the sale. the child having to do something he found boring is not the OP making his life more difficult. His 10 not 2. Being bored is not an excuse for bad behaviour.
Also what if OP was making use of the free kids meal offer and could not afford McDs what would be your solution to that? The cafe food is kid friendly and she not forcing his to down French snails or “adult” meals. The cafe was the treat and he downed his but didn’t not want to wait for others to finish their own meal. What nonsense.
Also why does his limits have to say include picking on his younger brother. Just because you bend over backwards for your kids wants does not make you a good parent, if anything your the opposite as your setting your child up for a rude awakening. Understanding that not everything is going to go your way is an important life lesson more people need to be taught.

@HotDogKetchup

lol do you really see exercise as self indulgent?!

I take my kids when I have my nails done sometimes if their dad is not about to have them - how would you describe that??

@mountainsunsets

hahah as if! As if op after doing an hours exercise wants to cancel it out with a McDonald’s or Pizza Hut?!

kids don’t have to eat junk food shite you know

I never said everything has to be an activity and centred on children....

But apart from the promise of football on the way home, everything about today was focused on OP and it ended up with an upset kid and an upset parent.

So, clearly something isn't working.

He’s 10, not 2. If he can’t spend 2 hours doing something that doesn’t benefit him, then he’s going to have issues as he gets older.

RTFT

I've said numerous times it could be McDonald's, Pizza Hut or somewhere more child friendly".

Really, really boring.

I'm 53 and I bloody hate traipsing round M&S with my mother - and she always 'treats' me to the cafe. As yet I haven't thrown myself on the floor but I have been known to eye roll and sit in the stools for shoes.
I quite like the food hall despite being unable to afford anything

If I'd had to watch her exercise for an hour I would have had a major strop.

I know that's lighthearted but I would have been bored too and whilst sometimes kids have to do something boring we have expect it. I think kids are spoilt with technology - I teach English and lessons are 'boring' because we read! 'Can't we watch the film', 'why do we need to read' etc.

But what the OP did didn’t work.

And the cafe is irrelevant- it’s the sale afterwards that could easily be skipped.

It wasn't a bloody day out! It was a morning of doing mundane stuff, like going to the gym and shopping. If your kids can't cope with this, you're not doing them any favours.
Life isn't a non stop Carnival for anyone, even kids.
Ten year old's shouldn't have to be bribed to go to the shops with a visit to Pizza Hut.

I've never once said his behaviour is appropriate.

And no, he's not a toddler, but he is a bored pre-teen who was stuck on a day out with his mum and his younger brother. Let's be fair - 10yo boys don't want to go to M&S for lunch with mum after a day of being dragged round the shops.

I just used McDonald's as an example and am now hugely regretting it but I'm sure there were other, more interesting options OP could have chosen.

@mountainsunsets

how is M&S not child friendly?

plenty of options for meals children can eat

it’s child friendly to the extent that kids eat free

it’s the sale afterwards that could easily be skipped.
Another one...
Why should she have skipped it?

Because her kid was rolling on the floor.

So have there been any consequences for his terrible behaviour?

Good advice.
Kids see adults pranking and acting like prats all over the internet and TV.
You need to have a sit down together to find out why he thought his behaviour was acceptable, and for you to explain why you found his tantrum upsetting.

Good luck.

@Pumperthepumper

ah well tough shit!

my nails needed doing

my kid had a book to read

he survived

actually he more than survived - he got to see the world doesn’t revolve around him and that’s a great thing for a child to learn

It's not about bribery, it's about making the day enjoyable for everyone.

As an adult, you wouldn't spend your Sunday being dragged around doing errands and sitting bored while your partner did a gym glass and browsed the sales. You'd have the freedom to go off and sit in Costa, or go to shops you like, or stay at home.

10yo's don't have that option so IMO it's only fair to include something enjoyable for them if the rest of the day is going to be full of errands.

I may have felt like you if I only had NT children, as I don't and have an ASD ND child I just read this and think fuck me, if that makes you feel shakey and tearful you've had an easy ride. For a lot of parents that's just an average day.

Excellent! What if he was rolling on the floor though?

So sorry to have to say but not having energy for another battle it synonymous with his behaviour having no consequences. You wait till he’s 15 and his behaviour involves worse, like it will; you wait and see how you deal with it then!

@Pumperthepumper

id have just ignored him and carried on
he would soon get bored

But that's all from the viewpoint of an adult, not a bored 10yo who has spent his day being dragged around town/the shops with his brother.

Given the choice, most 10yo's aren't going to want to eat at the M&S café!

So you want him to be bored? Does he calm down when he’s bored?

After the nails would you also take him to a cafe and then to some sales?