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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset with DP because he didn't order me a pizza?

408 replies

PinkStarAtNight · 21/08/2022 03:26

DP and I weren't planning to see each other this weekend as we just spent a week together and he left to go home earlier this week, so we were going to see each other next weekend.

However, DP arranged a night out with his friends to watch the boxing match (his friends live close to where I live so they often go out in a town that's a lot closer to my house than his own) and subsequently realised that the trains were striking. He said he could get out to the town he was meeting his mates in by bus, but asked me if he could crash at mine tonight after the night out, as my house is in walking distance from the town whereas to get back to his own house without a train would take ages.

I agreed to him staying here. We talked on the phone before he went out and he said he was planning on getting a takeaway pizza on way home. I said I really fancied a pizza and he said he would get me one too. I told him what I wanted and asked him to get potato wedges, garlic dip etc...I was really looking forward to it. I thought it would be really nice when he arrived for us to have pizza together and chill out. I didn't eat much all evening, in expectation of the pizza.

Anyway, at about 11:30 I felt quite tired so laid down, and actually ended up falling asleep. I was woken up at 3am when DP arrived back from night out. He came in and didn't have any pizza with him so I said 'where's the pizza?' He said 'oh, well I've ordered myself one, its on its way.' I said 'what about mine?' He said 'well I called you to see if you were awake and you didn't answer so I assumed you were asleep and didn't get you one.'

I'm actually really pissed off. It was a firm agreement that he was bringing back pizza for both of us, he knew I was excited about it, I had given him my order of what I wanted...even though I was asleep and didn't answer, AIBU to expect him get me a pizza anyway, thinking I probably would wake up, be hungry and want the pizza I was promised, like I have done!? Or am I being pathetic to be so pissed off with him?

He's now downstairs enjoying his pizza that arrived two mins ago while I lay on my bed hungry and annoyed!

OP posts:
User354354 · 21/08/2022 07:38

I would be furious if I was woken at 3am with pizza

In your DP shoes, had I of decided to stay out much later than originally planned, I wouldn't have got you a pizza.

tenbob · 21/08/2022 07:40

ClemFandangoCanYouHearMe · 21/08/2022 07:30

Did you have to wake up anyway to let him in? If do, and he knew you would have to do that, he definitely should have brought you a pizza - even if you only wanted it for breakfast.

Sorry but it is just not normal to eat a pizza and cold wedges etc for breakfast

that sounds like some seriously messed up eating habits to try and justify it as the thing to do

The meal OP described having agreed she would have sounds like it would be around 2000 calories. That is the sort of thing which should be an absolute occasional treat, not a ‘oh you were asleep, but have this plate of grease slops for breakfast instead’

It also sounds like OP has got a really unhealthy relationship with food to be cross about not having it. I think most people would say ‘oh well, I’ve missed out of a cheap nasty pizza in the middle of the night. Probably a good thing, I’ll be able to sleep better and not wake up feeling awful.’

being annoyed, upset, cross about it is weird unless you have a strange relationship with food

Brideandprejudice · 21/08/2022 07:41

YABU

I can't think of anyone who would be happy to wake up at 3am and eat pizza. Extremely unreasonable to expect him to think you'd want to, it's not normal. That's why he tried to call you.

Why did you starve yourself? If you were hungry you should have eaten.

There's nothing even remotely romantic about what you proposed.

SpicePearl · 21/08/2022 07:42

tenbob · 21/08/2022 07:26

I’m trying to find a nice way to phrase this, but do you have issues around food and over eating?

I can’t think of anyone who would want to be woken up at 3am to an entire pizza plus greasy fatty sides, scoff them and go back to sleep.

And he didn’t offer to share a slice of his pizza?

That wasn’t a nice way to phrase that. It was extremely judgmentally worded. HTH for next time you try to phrase something ‘nicely’.

MichelleScarn · 21/08/2022 07:42

The boxing only started at 1030 so would only have been an hour in by half 11, Dh was watching too, I've actually no idea what time it went on to, no way would I have expected to be awake for him coming back from it though to bring me pizza!

Regularsizedrudy · 21/08/2022 07:43

tenbob · 21/08/2022 07:40

Sorry but it is just not normal to eat a pizza and cold wedges etc for breakfast

that sounds like some seriously messed up eating habits to try and justify it as the thing to do

The meal OP described having agreed she would have sounds like it would be around 2000 calories. That is the sort of thing which should be an absolute occasional treat, not a ‘oh you were asleep, but have this plate of grease slops for breakfast instead’

It also sounds like OP has got a really unhealthy relationship with food to be cross about not having it. I think most people would say ‘oh well, I’ve missed out of a cheap nasty pizza in the middle of the night. Probably a good thing, I’ll be able to sleep better and not wake up feeling awful.’

being annoyed, upset, cross about it is weird unless you have a strange relationship with food

Show quote history

Alright Gillian mckeith

Thecomfortador · 21/08/2022 07:43

I would be annoyed too - even if asleep I'd have scoffed it for breakfast and DP would know this. You had an arrangement and he didn't stick to it.

alwaysmovingforwards · 21/08/2022 07:43

lickenchugget · 21/08/2022 07:34

Yabu - He rang you as it was late to see if you still wanted pizza and you didn’t answer and were asleep.

Struggling to see why he would still then order you a pizza at 3am.

Agreed.

What sort of person wants to wake up in the middle of the night to eat greasy pizza? 😂

fufflecake · 21/08/2022 07:44

Thecomfortador · 21/08/2022 07:43

I would be annoyed too - even if asleep I'd have scoffed it for breakfast and DP would know this. You had an arrangement and he didn't stick to it.

Would you not just get over it though? And be like ah no pizza, slightly disappointing but never mind my DP is here for breakfast.

SunshineLollipopsAndRainbows · 21/08/2022 07:45

Does anyone else now really want pizza?!

MrsRobinsonsHandprints · 21/08/2022 07:45

The only one with an issue with food on this thread is tenbob seriously read back what you have written.

fufflecake · 21/08/2022 07:45

alwaysmovingforwards · 21/08/2022 07:43

Agreed.

What sort of person wants to wake up in the middle of the night to eat greasy pizza? 😂

Show quote history

I think if DH woke me up at 3 with a pizza I'd be like..er thanks ill put it in the fridge for breakfast

fufflecake · 21/08/2022 07:45

SunshineLollipopsAndRainbows · 21/08/2022 07:45

Does anyone else now really want pizza?!

Yeah I fancy a slice for breakfast

MrsRobinsonsHandprints · 21/08/2022 07:46

SunshineLollipopsAndRainbows · 21/08/2022 07:45

Does anyone else now really want pizza?!

Apparently we are not allowed to want grease slops for breakfast.

Sparklfairy · 21/08/2022 07:47

tenbob · 21/08/2022 07:40

Sorry but it is just not normal to eat a pizza and cold wedges etc for breakfast

that sounds like some seriously messed up eating habits to try and justify it as the thing to do

The meal OP described having agreed she would have sounds like it would be around 2000 calories. That is the sort of thing which should be an absolute occasional treat, not a ‘oh you were asleep, but have this plate of grease slops for breakfast instead’

It also sounds like OP has got a really unhealthy relationship with food to be cross about not having it. I think most people would say ‘oh well, I’ve missed out of a cheap nasty pizza in the middle of the night. Probably a good thing, I’ll be able to sleep better and not wake up feeling awful.’

being annoyed, upset, cross about it is weird unless you have a strange relationship with food

Show quote history

You've had a really visceral reaction to the thought of a stranger eating a pizza at 3am in a situation that never even happened in the end Confused I would gently suggest that maybe it is you that has a strange relationship with food...

tenbob · 21/08/2022 07:47

@MrsRobinsonsHandprints

The Op said “I told him what I wanted and asked him to get potato wedges, garlic dip etc”
what do you call those if they aren’t greasy and fatty sides, in addition to a pizza?

Smallest size of veggie pizza - 1020 calories. Could be over 2000 calories if she asked for a different topping
small wedges - 257 calories
garlic drip - 657 calories

You think that’s a normal midnight snack?

your ‘eat dust’ comment is quite telling tbh… if you think the only other option to pigging out on very fatty junk food in the middle of the night is eating dust…

CecilyP · 21/08/2022 07:49

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · Today 07:37
I think YABU. Would you have had your dinner at 3am?? He rang to check if you were awake and still wanted pizza but you were asleep so probably assumed you wouldn't want to be woken to eat and wouldn't want to waste money.

Yeah, never in a million years would I assume that anyone would want to be woken up at 3 am to eat an entire pizza plus various sides. And as for the cold greasy remains being available for breakfast, I have no words!

fufflecake · 21/08/2022 07:49

but have this plate of grease slops for breakfast instead I'd just eat it out the box it came in tbh. I'm guessing that's worse in your eyes though.

yonce · 21/08/2022 07:50

Ignoring tenbobs wacko attitude to food - honestly I wouldn't be annoyed. Yes you had agreed to him bringing home pizza, but had you actually discussed the time he'd be getting back when you did that? It sounds to me like it was 3am so he wanted to double check you wanted the order, you were asleep so he just ordered his to avoid waste. I'd do the same - even if I had agreed with my DH, if I rang at 3am to no answer I wouldn't waste money or food by ordering extra to be wasted.

It's annoying you're veggie so can't nab a slice of his, but equally I could have seen the AIBU "I was asleep at 3am and DP woke me to eat a pizza I'd asked for at 10pm the night before, surely he knew I was sleeping when I didn't answer the phone" 😂 it's a lose lose situation!

I'd just wake up, not be annoyed and tell him he owes you a pizza on your next night in together 😊

Thecomfortador · 21/08/2022 07:51

fufflecake · 21/08/2022 07:44

Would you not just get over it though? And be like ah no pizza, slightly disappointing but never mind my DP is here for breakfast.

Show quote history

Well it's not like I'd hold a grudge for all eternity or anything, but dp knows I'll enjoy left over pizza (and other left over meals) for breakfast so hopefully would stick to what we had agreed? If I had been looking forward to it then yes I'd be annoyed/ disappointed.

tenbob · 21/08/2022 07:52

This reply has been deleted

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CecilyP · 21/08/2022 07:53

MrsRobinsonsHandprints · 21/08/2022 07:45

The only one with an issue with food on this thread is tenbob seriously read back what you have written.

No, she’s not. I can’t be the only one on this thread who thought the same. Might not have said anything but definitely had thoughts.

takealettermsjones · 21/08/2022 07:56

The meal OP described having agreed she would have sounds like it would be around 2000 calories.

Smallest size of veggie pizza - 1020 calories. Could be over 2000 calories if she asked for a different topping
small wedges - 257 calories
garlic drip - 657 calories

How on earth have you managed to work this out when you don't know where she was getting the pizza from or how much of it she was planning to eat?

Maybe you could use your clairvoyant skills for good in the world rather than getting on strangers' arses about eating pizza.

OP - sorry but I think you were BU. He wanted a night out and to crash at yours, he wasn't planning on spending the evening with you. I think it was fair of him to assume you'd be asleep at 3.

lemonyfox · 21/08/2022 07:57

If your pre agreement beforehand was that you'd both be eating pizza in the early hours of the morning, then YANBU to an extent.

However if you were expecting him home earlier and he was much later, then I don't think he's done anything wrong, especially because he rang to see if you were awake.

Really depends on what you'd agreed beforehand timing-wise.

LampLighter414 · 21/08/2022 07:58

Yeah… no. YABU.

I do think as it got later and later you could have both made the effort to keep in touch via messages and said you still want to be woken for middle of the night food if that’s what you really wanted or he could have said the night was going longer than he thought and if you would be staying up or not. But what he did to try and make some effort to confirm if you were awake was good of him at least.

Rather than go back to bed in a huff why didn’t either of you ring and add another pizza to the order?