AIBU to expect my neighbour not to have garden lights?

[2Jays]

I purposely live in a dark place. By that I mean I live down a dark lane, away from street lighting and next to an unlit woody park. I have become really sensitive to light at night and cannot sleep with even a tiny bit of light in the room. I also cannot wear eyemasks as they cause pressure on my face (yes I know I sound fussy but I have sensory issues).

My neighbour of the last nine years has suddenly decided to illuminate his garden at night. I'm not sure why because the position of his house means that he cannot see the lights unless he is sitting in his conservatory, which he rarely does. His garden runs across the front of my house and we share a fence but his house is set off to the right. The lighting.can only be seen by me. Apart from the light sensitivity it also attracts interest to a previously unseen area (we are side on to a park and most people don't even know our houses are here), I feel like the lights make us much more visible if someone wanted to nose around at night.

I've attached a rubbish photo which shows his garden, mine is the completely black area underneath it. I know it's not Blackpool illuminations but it is enough to change things significantly for me.

We used to get on ok but he is quite ill and has become increasingly grumpy about my kids so I am reluctant to ask him to turn them off but I'm already struggling (hence writing this at 11pm) and know I must tackle this but AIBU?

Which she had. So it's OK for neighbours to change the conditions, willy-nilly? And she has to pay to alleviate them. Which will not be wholly done, as she now cannot enjoy her own dark garden, moonlit, for example. That's lost.

She shouldn't be going into his garden to get a ball without asking.

He's quite right to be cross about that.

What is she doing that the ball goes into his garden (more than once)? You're right next to a park. Take her there to play ball.

There is loads of evidence that light pollution is damaging to wildlife, the environment and human beings. It seems though that people would prefer that over having their rights infringed. I don't mind low level fairy lights but that is not the case in my neighbours garden.

I agree. It’s very depressing. But others are unaware of their impact. It might be worth trying to talk to him and coming at it from a wildlife point of view.

But can't you see that he could easily write "I do try and remember my neighbours needs (I have only got low lighting - and from your picture, it is low lighting, it's not a football stadium, although I understand that even a small amount of light is an issue to you), I have been made to feel uncomfortable because she is sensitive"?

Honestly, I would just ask nicely if there is any chance that your neighbour could turn off his outside lights at (say) 10pm. You might be surprised and he will agree.

Not sure I want it all my own way. We are neighbours and it's about consideration. We are considerate of him and his noise issue.

There is no way that the neighbours garden lights will upset your circadian rhythms OP.

You dont like them? Get a blackout blind. Problem solved. Stop being so precious.

Have the same issue, albeit in a urban setup, With my neigbours it's a hipster thing. Does it piss me off? yep. is it the most important thing to be pissed off at right now (if ever)? nope.

Cant believe I've just said that, I guess I'm prioritising a little bit better.

I would suggest blackout curtains or doubling up the curtains, which is what we have. Luckily my neighbours turn the lights out when they go to bed.

This is what I was answering.

What do hipsters do n their gardens that is particularly annoying. 🤔 I am intrigued.

i grew up in Spain and we had ‘Persianas’ , roller black out blinds. Makes rooms pitch black. I remember when I moved to the UK not being able to sleep if there was a gap in the curtains.

I love sleeping in a really dark room and I remember on holiday in Bali with both it getting dark early as by the equator and few or no lights, we just went to bed early . Felt tired early too.

I would speak to him nicely and be honest and see what he says. He may not realise .

I didn't read the full thread, so maybe this has been suggested before, but I just wanted to tell you what I do to keep my bedroom dark.

I don't like to sleep with my window shut, so blackout blinds don't make it dark enough. I keep my window open, use a blackout blind, then lined curtains (non blackout ones) but over the top of that I put a thick fleece blanket that I tuck around the top of the curtain pole, around the side of the curtains and I push something against the bottom to keep it in against the wall if there's a breeze coming in through the window.

It's a bit of a faff putting that up every night, but the room is definitely pitch-black all night and day! And I would imagine that if the blanket is thick enough, you could get away without a blackout blind.

Sensory issues as part of a hidden disability do not make me precious just different to you.

He's ill, he could be gone soon. Once he is, go into his garden when it's dark and take all the tat away. Job done!
If it's electric, his bill will encourage him to turn it off surely?

Thank you I will try to get something like that set up.

Which she had. So it's OK for neighbours to change the conditions, willy-nilly?

Of course it's okay! It's his property - as long as it's legal, he can do what he likes. He certainly doesn't need to ask his neighbours for permission 🤣

And she has to pay to alleviate them. Which will not be wholly done, as she now cannot enjoy her own dark garden, moonlit, for example. That's lost.

Yep. That's life when you live in close proximity to other people. You can't control their actions or tell them how they're allowed to live their lives on their own property.

This thread reminds me of people who move to a small village and then complain because a farmer harvests into the night, or cows moo, sheep baa and there are farmyard smells around. Or worse, the farmer sells land for housing or builds holiday cottages nearby.
Please just get blackout blinds.

I'd be interested to hear what the problem is that he has with your children. Perhaps you aren't the perfect neighbour either.

And, we should all do this in the winter because of the cost

Never said I was although there are plenty of people on here who want to make me sound like a right arsehole for asking for some advice.

Sorry, but massively unreasonable to think your little darlings should be allowed to make whatever noise they like whilst he can't have a couple of small lights in his garden. If it was noise not light you were sensitive to you'd sing a different tune!

Also re: "I have sensory issues and shouldn't have to adapt", nope, sorry doesn't work like that. I'm partially deaf and can't sit at the back of a room where I can't lipread and then moan I can't hear and the speaker should come nearer to me.

Buy some blackout blinds, because lack of sleep won't be helping this situation.

What a nasty response. Wishing a man who is doing nothing wrong dead.

The li go as could be solar. No electric cost. For a start.

*lights

This is just just life with neighbours though OP, presumably he has to deal with things to do with you that he has no say in, such as your kids? If it's noise you're talking about there, I think most would agree that is a worse, and less curable issue to have to deal with.

As a nurse night shift worker who goes to peoples homes during the night. I wonder if he's installed these lights for the likes of me to attend. It can be a nightmare to find peoples homes in the dark and quite often people say 'I have the the outside light on for you to find me' You say he is unwell and has required a lot of treatments lately.
Invest in some good quality blackout blinds.

I think it's a bit rich that you're complaining about his lights when your daughter is kicking a ball into his garden. Sorry op.