AIBU to expect my neighbour not to have garden lights?

[2Jays]

I purposely live in a dark place. By that I mean I live down a dark lane, away from street lighting and next to an unlit woody park. I have become really sensitive to light at night and cannot sleep with even a tiny bit of light in the room. I also cannot wear eyemasks as they cause pressure on my face (yes I know I sound fussy but I have sensory issues).

My neighbour of the last nine years has suddenly decided to illuminate his garden at night. I'm not sure why because the position of his house means that he cannot see the lights unless he is sitting in his conservatory, which he rarely does. His garden runs across the front of my house and we share a fence but his house is set off to the right. The lighting.can only be seen by me. Apart from the light sensitivity it also attracts interest to a previously unseen area (we are side on to a park and most people don't even know our houses are here), I feel like the lights make us much more visible if someone wanted to nose around at night.

I've attached a rubbish photo which shows his garden, mine is the completely black area underneath it. I know it's not Blackpool illuminations but it is enough to change things significantly for me.

We used to get on ok but he is quite ill and has become increasingly grumpy about my kids so I am reluctant to ask him to turn them off but I'm already struggling (hence writing this at 11pm) and know I must tackle this but AIBU?

Oh please OP.

You sound a bit pathetic.

Outdoor lights like this, in an otherwise normally dark evening, isn’t going to mess up anybody’s circadian rhythm.

I can’t believe you think you’re not being UR bit that he is.

Blackout blinds and face mask.

And you need to try to de sensitise yourself to light because, well, he has every right to have light in his garden. And it isn’t your business what he needs it for. If you feel this somehow breaches some bylaw, contact your council.

Leave this sick old man alone.

Have you thought about offering to buy him a timer? Maybe you could use the power crisis as an excuse let him know you’re worried about his bill. I imagine it all plugs into one spot. Perhaps that would be a solution.

You can't police the world, OP . He's doing nothing wrong. You'll have to find a way of coping and you've had lots of good recommendations on here.

It is not natural to not what to any light at all.

You are no more unreasonable wanting no light at all, than he is wanting some.

You have no right to darkness, he has no right to light (often cited in local planning applications to reject unfair objections to building changes).

How good of you to say he is allowed some fairy lights in his garden 🙄

And FWIW au live semi rural with moderate lighting which is largely dimmed in the evening.

But I’d be damned if I would leave my entire property in complete darkness. That is a major security risk and burgulars just love this.

Thank you for the personal attacks of being previous and pathetic. I'm not sure they are necessary. Thank you to those who offered useful advice.

I have become really sensitive to light at night and cannot sleep with even a tiny bit of light in the room. I also cannot wear eyemasks as they cause pressure on my face (yes I know I sound fussy but I have sensory issues)

So you think this is good enough reasons to justify telling someone else, an old sick man who manybhave his own treasons for wanting light in his garden, justifiable.

Learn to wear a mask and desensitise yourself to light.

The fact that you presume your needs are greater than his, given how you’ve described him, is indeed very precious.

I am flabbergasted by your entitlement here tbh

Ok I hear you. No need to admonish me further. 😂

They are probably solar powered so he doesn’t feel the need to switch them off at night from an electricity saving point of view. I would explain what you have here and ask him if he could switch them off at night.

my neighbour (terrace) has the same but doesn’t sit in her garden late at night. She is slightly elderly and lives alone and she told me she likes having them on when it is dark and needs to go out into the garden. We have a telescope and sometimes take it out late at night in the garden. I said is there any chance she could switch them off occasionally when we take the telescope out and she was fine and now switches them off when she goes to bed. But she did say she hadn’t bothered before because they don’t use up any electricity.

He might not realise it bothers you. I would start a conversation and just say they prevent you from sleeping. Don't tell him what to do, give him this fact and see what he does with it.

It might be worth a conversation with him directly about how much those lights bother you

I think YABU, but I also completely get you, and know that I would be unreasonable in the same situation! I love the dark and will often rest my upper arm across my eyes to block out every last bit.
Sadly, we can’t have it all our own way. Good luck with your conversation - it shouldn’t be too onerous for him to turn his lights off earlier (one would hope), but, if he is undergoing treatments then he might not be an early-to-bed type - perhaps he’s more of a “sleep whenever he can throughout the day” type - and you’ll possibly get into a battle of entitlements.

Are they left on all night? If so I think it is perfectly reasonable to ask if they could be switched off at a certain time. We recently had lighting installed through our garden. We only switch it on when needed (if out there or moving through what is a long garden). This is because a) bad for wildlife to leave them on b) waste of energy c) we know our neighbours would be aware of lights on and we are considerate.

For some strange reason our neighbour has put solar lights on his shed. If they disturbed my darkness I would have to have a word too.

It sounds like the poor bloke has had a really traumatic time and is depressed and really struggling. He’s entitled to have lights in his garden. As others have said blackout blinds and curtains.

Id much sooner have to manage that small expense than have endured his medical history.

It's really not that much lighting.

I think you have to accept that you cannot always control your exterior surroundings.

However, I don't think it would unreasonable to explain that the lights are shining brightly at your windows and ask if a timer would be possible for 10pm or something.

I would have no issue if a neighbour asked me to move or switch off lights late at night but I don't have any. It looks unreasonably bright and if something is like that then you are within your rights as it is not him having the lights shine in on him but you. Speak to him and ask him how he is and just explain it all and most people will be reasonable and maybe he can move them elsewhere or turn them off earlier.

I'm wondering why he's "grumpy" about your kids. Perhaps the noise from them annoys him as much as his lights annoy you? Maybe there's the way to a negotiation.

I don't think he's doing anything wrong having lights in his garden. The police recommend that for security purposes.

I hope your solution of blackout blinds works.

Bright lights?

it’s a few fairy lights.

You are entitled to darkness in your own property, not in everyone else’s.

are they mains or solar powered. If the latter, they will be out 8 o’clock by the October hits

Yabu. It's a bit of light. Adapt or toughen up.

I have become really sensitive to light at night and cannot sleep with even a tiny bit of light in the room

OP - have you read the fairy story Princess and the Pea? Your post reminds me of it!

The idea that the even the tiniest bit of light stops you from sleeping seems to be more your need to exert extreme control of your environment more than anything.

Just to say that it is possible to get blackout blinds in proper fitted frames which totally cut out the outside light. Might be worth considering

I'm afraid I would struggle to toughen up. My sensory issues mean that I struggle with light, sound and movement. Life is already challenging and I do lots of things to mitigate the stress but toughening up is not something I have been able to manage around sensory issues.