To be in total despair over my teeth

[torbygirl]

This is all so humiliating it is painful to even type anonymously and there is no way I could discuss it in rl with anyone.

My teeth are appalling. I went through a period of about a decade in early adulthood when I really neglected them. After that I maintained normal care but only ever saw a dentist when it was an emergency. I'm in mid 40s now and massively embarrassed by their colour, lack of straightness etc. There are also a couple missing, though not in very visible places. My feelings about all this have got worse over the last couple of years while I pretty much ignored it all up to then. My divorce ad just generally getting older have made me feel worse about it all.

A few weeks ago I finally bit the bullet and saw a dentist. It's worse than I could have thought and it turns out I need £7000 worth of treatment - and I'm not even sure that that includes everything. There are 2 or 3 teeth she thinks can't be saved and they are in more prominent positions than the others I have lost.

I just feel so stupid about this and a the title says in despair. I have a reasonably good career but I don't have that sort of money lying around. I would have to borrow it which is obviously less than ideal with the current state of the economy. I also feel like I can't really do my job if I end up with these gaps. I'm in a professional role (believe it or not). I just feel such an idiot.

I just feel like I've ruined my appearance and my finances through stupid choices I made years ago then putting my head in the sand and now there's no really good outcome possible.

I just wanted to get it off my chest but any dental advice/experiences would be brilliant.

Don't be so hard on yourself. You don't deserve it.

Well-done for finding the courage to confront it now. That's not easy.

I'd encourage you to have a look at what other dentists offer. You might be able to find a different dentist to do the cosmetic stuff where you pay it off with 0% interest. I spent £1250 on mine, all cosmetic stuff and I paid half off straight away and the rest over a few months for no extra cost.

Some dentists have a payment plan - see what they can offer.

Is that NHS. If not go to an NHS dentist.

I am also a "bury my head in the sand" person with regards lots of things, including my teeth... I finally faced up to it at the end of last year and had to spend a lot of money and time getting work done... I felt so ashamed and embarrassed... But ...what's done is done... Take control, take responsibility and you will feel so much better for it. It's painfully expensive (through you could shop around maybe?) But ignoring and leaving it will just make things worse and you look and feel worse... Cosmetic dental work will make you feel a lot better too .

Good luck and know you are not the only one. I now am booking my next hygienist appointment when I go for the last one and am meticulous about cleaning (father Christmas bought the whole family electric toothbrushes last Christmas).

Good luck!

How does that £7k breakdown? I definitely get more opinions but you'll find it very difficult to get an NHS dentist 😡

Get a second opinion OP, another dentist may be able to save your teeth rather than extracting.

Turkey/Spain/Hungary/Poland/Estonia, etc are much cheaper for the same treatment. But please don't get veneers you don't need or get them coloured a blinding ultra white. What is it you need? Some root canals and fillings?

The main thing is you have confronted it now. Its not too late.

Call your dentist back and explain the issue. Be honest. Ask him to split whatever needs doing into 7 tasks, by urgency. Ask his advice and get the most urgent things done first.

Perhaps the dentist will prescribe you a higher % fluorine toothpaste that will gradually help with the colour and will protect against any infections. He won't allow this in the long term but it might give you more time to deal with the financial challenge.

Can you afford to take out a loan? If it's affecting you this much than the result will be priceless.
Also look into payment plans

Go to a country with cheaper dentistry.

Even good dentists in the UK are appalling by what is considered the standard elseware. And they cost considerably more here.

I have veneers (I wanted them. No my teeth haven't dropped out. No they don't hurt. No I'm not worried about them) the dentist in the UK quoted me almost 30k for the full set of veneers (I will add, this was a very premium london clinic) I had the same ones fitted abroad for 3k and they are wonderful. I have had hundreds of compliments and I didn't think my teeth were that bad before!

My advice would be somewhere affordable and enjoy the holiday. Look on whatclinic for somebody with lots of reviews who you feel comfortable with. Get a breakdown of what the uk dentist has recommended work wise and figure out what the cost would be overseas.

If some teeth cannot be saved you can have implants, they are a bit more work to get done but well worth it if you have a professional role and need to look presentable.

Don't put off treatment any longer it will only get worse.

Don't be embarrassed or ashamed.

I had a bad experience with a dentist which put me off going for years. Brushed my teeth but still ended up with terrible gum disease and the gum disease led to tooth loss.

I felt awful and was starting to get self conscious about my teeth (thank God for masks).

DP persuaded me to do something, researched implants, found a great clinic and came to all the appointments with me. Bloody expensive but worth it. Dentist was absolutely lovely and non-judgemental.

does your job offer a dental insurance benefit? They are usually good and save you thousands annually.
if not, maybe you can buy a policy privately?

Gosh op stop beating yourself down. It happens. I know lots of professional people that have been through ups and downs and neglected health or things like that. Hope you get good advice though as it is important to have good dental hygiene but stop talking like you have murdered people.

I'm in a similar position with my teeth.

I had a lot of work done in the dental hospital mainly by students.

It hasn't been pleasant.

I'm lucky my front 6 across are presentable clean but wonky, my back teeth fell apart.

I'm still in pain daily, left with sinusitis from wisdom teeth extraction but on the road to recovery and hoping to have dental implants in the future.

Keep in mind they've seen worse.

Contact your local dental hospital to see if they have a student clinic.

I paid for the consultation and only paid for one surgical extraction. Student extractions were FOC.

Thanks all so much for the replies.

I did think about getting a second opinion as the place I approached is mainly set up as a cosmetic place and I imagine is super expensive for 'normal' dentistry. It's just the shame of having to let another new person see the horrors of my mouth, but yes it would be worth it to save a couple of thousand. The place I'm at now does offer a payment plan across but that would be too much per month for me so I'd still need a loan.

I'm lucky in that I can borrow the money at pretty good rates but it sets me back when I was about to pay off my last debt (essential kitchen update a coupe of years ago) and is for such a stupid stupid reason.

The dentist was very lovely and mentioned implants but said I wouldn't be suitable atm due to gum disease but it may be a possibility in the future. Dentures were mentioned, which scares me too.

I'm in a job where I can't take leave (probably makes it obvious what it is) so going abroad is not really an option. Even time off for multiple appointments will be tricky, but I'll have to suck it up and talk to HR, which will also be embarrassing.

Thank you so much again for replying - it has made me feel better already.

I’m guessing £7k includes implants or a bridge or similar?

You could perhaps have the extractions, fillings, etc done and wear a denture plate to fill the gaps until you’ve had chance to save up a bit.

My front teeth were knocked in an accident and after a few months had to be removed. I now have a partial denture. I was horrified about it all initially. But I feel fine about it now.

I'm in a similar situation OP although I'm older than you.
My teeth are appalling but I am terrified of the dentist (& also could not afford £1000s of treatment).
I worry about it every day but talk myself out of facing a dentist because I can't afford it anyway.

really? good luck with that...

That sounds very expensive if you are not getting implants or grafting work on your gums. Can you get into an NHS dentist anywhere? It would more like £700 through the NHS for multiple root canals, extractions and bridge work. Definitely get second and third opinions, I think that price sounds extortionate for what you are describing.

@torbygirl - just get it done, either with your current dentist or a cheaper one if you can find one. But do get it done. Not only will it make you feel infinitely better, but it'll save yourself a lot of pain and £££ in years to come.

And get yourself a decent electric toothbrush and floss every single day from this day until the end of your days. (Patient: "do I REALLY need to floss ALL my teeth EVERY day?" - Dentist: "no - only those you want to keep!"...)

@torbygirl ahh teeth are such a big personal thing aren’t you, totally know how you feel!

Definitely get a second opinion and then discuss payment plans. Dentistry work is expensive, with or without a NHS dentist. A lot isn’t covered on the NHS such as implants and you’re looking at £2-3k+ just for one!

Feeling your pain here too OP. In a similar situation myself at the moment.

I was quoted for 2 options. The recommended option being at least 5000. I've opted for the cheaper option which will be at least 1400 with various appointments.

But as I only work a few hours a week it's still a huge amount of money to me and may not be enough. I will definitely lose 1 tooth. Its in a crowded part of my mouth and not front and centre thankfully.

It's so embarrassing and while it's definitely partly my own fault there are other contributing factors such as hereditary and child neglect. But sitting in that chair was so mortifying and I was so upset and stressed that I bawled even just being looked at.

Hopefully this time next year we'll both be in a much better place with it all but good luck in the meantime.

Op I posted here recently about my teeth - my shame and utter embarrassment. Some fantastic posters persuaded me to go to the dentist and I'm so glad I did.

I was never taken as a child and so didn't go as an adult.

I'm lucky enough that I registered with an NHS dentist when ds was little and had been once with an absess

My dentist isn't fluffy - she tells me how it is!

I still cringe opening my mouth to her - I'm absolutely mortified and cried the first time because I was so embarrassed

I've already lost a couple of back teeth. I had another out last week and need to see a surgeon to remove a side one.

I can't tolerate the camera in so had to visit a different practice for a scan type xray but now I have a plan in place to sort me out.

Please have the treatment you need. I wouldn't use the cosmetic place - NHS round here aren't taking on but I saw a post on Facebook about practises taking on private patients on a monthly plan which might be worth looking into xx