To be in total despair over my teeth

[torbygirl]

This is all so humiliating it is painful to even type anonymously and there is no way I could discuss it in rl with anyone.

My teeth are appalling. I went through a period of about a decade in early adulthood when I really neglected them. After that I maintained normal care but only ever saw a dentist when it was an emergency. I'm in mid 40s now and massively embarrassed by their colour, lack of straightness etc. There are also a couple missing, though not in very visible places. My feelings about all this have got worse over the last couple of years while I pretty much ignored it all up to then. My divorce ad just generally getting older have made me feel worse about it all.

A few weeks ago I finally bit the bullet and saw a dentist. It's worse than I could have thought and it turns out I need £7000 worth of treatment - and I'm not even sure that that includes everything. There are 2 or 3 teeth she thinks can't be saved and they are in more prominent positions than the others I have lost.

I just feel so stupid about this and a the title says in despair. I have a reasonably good career but I don't have that sort of money lying around. I would have to borrow it which is obviously less than ideal with the current state of the economy. I also feel like I can't really do my job if I end up with these gaps. I'm in a professional role (believe it or not). I just feel such an idiot.

I just feel like I've ruined my appearance and my finances through stupid choices I made years ago then putting my head in the sand and now there's no really good outcome possible.

I just wanted to get it off my chest but any dental advice/experiences would be brilliant.

I empathise OP I have periodontal disease I'm incredibly lucky that I have an nhs dentist( only because I'm on benefits)
I just want to add that private dentists do offer payment plan schemes Also is there any schemes from your employer which might cover your treatment.
I use Corsodyl toothpaste and electric toothbrush and a water Flosser( floss just tore my gums)
Mine were so bad due to childhood neglect so don't feel embarrassed
It takes courage to face this, and I admire your bravery

Just to add My gum disease was so advanced that I had a course of specific antibiotics injected into the gums so there are lots of options to improve condition of teeth and gums
A cosmetic dentist won't improve the health of your teeth
Good luck. You'll feel so much better when you're sorted

Yes my mum had all hers out when pregnant with me - aged 34!! Madness

I have good teeth now but I was born in the sixties and had loads of fillings in my baby teeth - many done without any form of pain relief as it was thought baby teeth did not have nerves - they did! Looking back, I think, as has been mentioned earlier, it was the fact that dentists were paid by the number of teeth treated and also there was no “wait and see” approach to weak spots on teeth as there is now. I am sure most, if not all my fillings were totally unnecessary. My children never needed fillings and I’m sure my teeth were not so much worse. This was very common among my generation. We would go to the dentist for a check up every six months and need two, three or even four fillings every time (l never needed four at a time). Our parents did their best and believed the dentists. I also had a lot of orthodontic treatment, although it was fairly rudimentary then. One of my six year molars was damaged by the antibiotic Tetracycline and I have a crown on it now. By the late seventies, early eighties, I had a much more enlightened dentist and the tide was beginning to turn so that I rarely had fillings, apart from after l had my third child. My teeth are in average condition for my age. However this practice of filling teeth when it was not strictly necessary has led to many people who were born in the post war years being known as the Heavy Metal generation. OP, I wish you well. When the treatment is finished, it will all be worth it.

I also remember my poor mother having all her teeth out in the late 60s and having full dentures. She could only have been late 30s. How dreadful. I just don't think that could have been needed

My diabetic grandmother had full teeth removal in her late 30's and reckoned it was the best thing she done (though I'm definitely not as brave)

Otherwise this thread just highlights all the different things these dentists say and are possible, at my latest extraction I was told a dental plate not possible and equally can't bare the thought of screw in teeth (aka expensive dental implants which have to be replaced every 10 years) and, because I'm such a nervous patient I would need to be sedated for such work. So left with gaps. 😐

IMHO the most pressing is to deal with gum disease. It will save you money in the long term. Call a periodontal specialist tomorrow and book an appointment because some of them are very busy. Then you will be told what can be salvaged and what your next steps are.

For anyone dismayed at the thought of dentures, I have a cosmetic top denture and an nhs bottom denture and am delighted with them after decades of pain and struggle with fillings, root canal, crowns, gum disease, and ultimately extractions.

My top plate is cosmetic and made from some kind of metal compound which means it is much thinner than the nhs plastic of my bottom plate. It fits very closer, and affected my speech very little. I could eat anything I wanted within a couple of days - nuts, salad, etc. It was moulded slightly to plump out my cheeks, and the teeth were modelled on my son's as we are very alike in appearance. It never feels loose.

I could be wrong about this bit, but I think it's possible to get a stud implanted on either side of a lower denture in order to anchor it more securely if gum recedes more rapidly.

I was born in the fifties, and had similar experience of fillings at every six-month appointment. My dental health was compromised by a genetic disorder that wasn't diagnosed until my thirties. Poor self-care and an eating disorder did lots more damage. I was enormously relieved the day my last few crappy teeth were removed.

@BirlinBrain thank you for that. I have a fear of dentures as I saw my mum struggle with hers.. ulcers, her inability to eat what she wanted, and tbh I sympathised with her belief that they were always really obviously false.

I'm sure one day I will need them.

For me it's also the terror - even though I've had lots of work done in the last ten years which I know is pretty much painless and quick; it's still the memory of the horrible pain that those 60s and 70s dentists inflicted - usually unnecessarily. As son as I'm in the chair ,I'm fine! Having more work done this Friday a d I'm nowhere near as terrified as I was a week ago when I had the first work in 3 years.
I'm even contemplating an implant which I know will be loads of work !

@BirlinBrain thanks for that - the literature I was given stresses the worst case scenario but I just feel it would be nice to actually smile in a photo again! You have given me hope for October.

If you are near a city centre then a uni dental school might be the answer. In Newcastle you can self refer for student treatment ( supervised of course) and its all free.

Hello. I’m a dentist and wanted to offer some advice.

1. PLEASE DO NOT GO ABROAD - I can’t stress this enough. I have seen countless patients who are now facing 30K+ treatment plans to rectify horrendous (and unnecessary) treatment performed abroad. It has literally ruined their lives - spending 2K for a mouth full of root canal treatments and crowns, only to face agony, infection, failing crowns within a few weeks of returning to the UK, and most likely a lifetime of extensive repairs, dental implants and ultimately dentures. A terrible mistake to ‘fix’ what were perfectly good teeth. There are excellent UK dentists (as well of course not so good ones). Do your research and find a UK one you can trust.
2. Try and start saving a little bit each month whilst you find a dentist you are comfortable with
3. Aim to find a dental practice that is an ‘All rounder’. By this I mean they perform all aspects of dentistry, including periodontal treatment, without just focusing on the cosmetic factors. There are many cosmetic/aesthetic practices that will likely be higher in price as this is their selling point. Treating disease is the number one priority.
4. In terms of floss, use dental floss sticks, much much easier.
5. Do not try and find an NHS dentist. The system has failed. If you need a large amount of periodontal, restorative and cosmetic work doing, the only way you are going to get the result you want is by investing in decent private dentistry.
6. Price plan - many practices have a monthly payment plan that can be split over 12/24 months so look for this option. It is very common.
7. The PP who suggested looking at student treatment by Undergraduates has a good point, although our waiting list for student treatment is three years, and your gum disease needs treatment ASAP.

Wishing you all the best and I really do feel for you. Dentistry in this country has failed so many people. There is no focus on disease prevention from childhood, phobia and cost are huge factors, and things need to change. X

I was in a similar position. I’ve spent £4K on my teeth on a payment plan over 2 years. I’ve not regretted it - I’ve gained so much self assurance. If you can afford to spread the payments, I do believe you will find it worthwhile and not regret it - even if it takes several years to pay back (I don’t usually take on debt but I did for this)

Thank you so much. This is dentistry in a nutshell. Really appreciated and I agree.

How are you feeling about things now @torbygirl? I remembered this thread as I'm currently sat in the dentist waiting room, so far half an hour late which isn't helping my nerves.

No advice but I am the same. I really neglected my teeth in my twenties and thirties and now am so ashamed of them. I have had so much (expensive and painful) work and don't like my smile at all.

@JimmiChoux hope you're out by now and all went well..

@dolphinsarentcommon yes all done now, had two fillings and a big clean. No pain at all apart from having to pay £495. Thanks for asking.

@JimmiChoux ouch, £495 😢

@dolphinsarentcommon I know it's a lot of money! My NHS dentist left during the pandemic so I've no choice but to pay for private care.

I have a partial upper denture (in that I have 6 of my own teeth the rest are on the denture). It’s a temporary one (so thick plastic, and in the words of my dentist “it’ll be the worst denture you’ll ever have” ).
I had 6 extractions (same day) and the denture, which you wear 24 hrs solidly for the first couple days to protect the gums. It’s badly uncomfortable during the first few days, but that discomfort doesn’t last.
I was terrified of anyone seeing my teeth afterwards, just so self conscious and ashamed. But the only person who commented said “wow, you look amazing, I didn’t know you had braces in before!”. A surprising number of people told me they liked my new hair (nope, no change!). My teeth before were incredibly crooked, had large spaces as a result, etc. I undeniably look much better now. The teeth are not obviously false, even though they do t fit as well now (your mouth changes a lot after extractions are done so the first denture you have will not fit well after the first 6 months - hence it’s a temporary denture).
Use “Fixodent” or similar to keep them in place. Just a tiny bit will be plenty.
Be prepared to endure small mouth ulcers initially.
Practice speaking with new dentures in place.
Start with soft foods, and practice eating in private.
Retaining healthy teeth that are in good places seems to help secure a denture in place, and will help to ensure your face doesn’t look too lip-less without dentures being in, so the sooner you can get the work done the better. £7k seems steep, my uppers will come in at £3k for everything (extractions, temporary denture, permanent denture, gum treatments, etc).

I don’t understand why someone would be unable to have a denture at all and just have gaps instead. I honestly don’t think that’s something that’s worth worrying about.

@Saz12 , bloody hell, 6 extractions in one day, that's hard core. You've done really well getting your teeth sorted.

Have you looked at instasmile? Watch some of the videos on YouTube. My friend has them and I thought they were real veneers, I was absolutely amazed.I think they cost around £200 and you can eat in them, wear them all day. Now another friend is getting them for her wedding.

There's a video on YouTube a lady has done and when she takes hers out she has very bad/missing teeth.

Thanks for thinking of me JimmiChoux and I'm glad your treatment went well today.

I have an appointment tomorrow with another private dentist who I'm hoping will be a fair bit cheaper than the original one. I'm nervous about going as I always feel so ashamed about a new person seeing the state of my teeth, but the dentist has a friendly face on the website and the receptionist was lovely on the phone so I'm taking that as a good omen! Before the phone even being answered there was a recorded message about payment plans too so that was also a good sign.

The treatment coordinator at the place I originally went to has failed to reply to an email I sent last Friday and that puts me off the place further as at top notch prices you would expect top notch service, and waiting a week for clarification of something isn't that. So that has made that decision easier for me.

Thank you for posting all that detail about dentures, Saz12 - it's massively reassuring. As is knowing one can survive 6 extractions in one day!

Go abroad for treatment. You should be able to get this sorted in most Eastern European or former Soviet Union countries or India at a fraction of the price quoted.