To be in total despair over my teeth

[torbygirl]

This is all so humiliating it is painful to even type anonymously and there is no way I could discuss it in rl with anyone.

My teeth are appalling. I went through a period of about a decade in early adulthood when I really neglected them. After that I maintained normal care but only ever saw a dentist when it was an emergency. I'm in mid 40s now and massively embarrassed by their colour, lack of straightness etc. There are also a couple missing, though not in very visible places. My feelings about all this have got worse over the last couple of years while I pretty much ignored it all up to then. My divorce ad just generally getting older have made me feel worse about it all.

A few weeks ago I finally bit the bullet and saw a dentist. It's worse than I could have thought and it turns out I need £7000 worth of treatment - and I'm not even sure that that includes everything. There are 2 or 3 teeth she thinks can't be saved and they are in more prominent positions than the others I have lost.

I just feel so stupid about this and a the title says in despair. I have a reasonably good career but I don't have that sort of money lying around. I would have to borrow it which is obviously less than ideal with the current state of the economy. I also feel like I can't really do my job if I end up with these gaps. I'm in a professional role (believe it or not). I just feel such an idiot.

I just feel like I've ruined my appearance and my finances through stupid choices I made years ago then putting my head in the sand and now there's no really good outcome possible.

I just wanted to get it off my chest but any dental advice/experiences would be brilliant.

Where abouts are you OP? I know some places it is super tricky to get an NHS dentist but not everywhere and it isn't always totally impossible! We have one who is taking on patients and it seems to not be the issue here (North East) that it is elsewhere. PM me if you are that sort of area and I'll message you the details.

If the loan is just about affordable go for it. Feeling more confident and less self conscious is important. Don't see it as money wasted / vanity - see it as an investment in you and congratulate yourself for taking the first step in getting sorted.

I had similar.
I neglected mine for a decade now they’re see through at the tips, wonky, chipped, gaps from extractions, few fillings

I have spent 1-2 years religiously flossing and brushing, drinking through straws etc.

Now I have braces fitted and I will get some bonding once it’s complete. Also got a frenectomy.

All in it will be about £2.5k but i had to get rid of gum disease first with repeat hygienist appt and flossing every day!

@BedisBliss thanks for sharing your advice. I’m in a similar position. Early 40s and inherited aggressive gum disease. Despite multiple deep cleans it just doesn’t go away. I’ve got bad gum recession and waiting to start losing teeth.

I’d like to please know why implants don’t work? All the dentist show them as before and after? I know I’ve had bone loss but why can’t they graft bone in? You can’t have a denture for 1 missing tooth? I can’t walk around with gaps as it’s my front canine? Any advice and who do you see as I can’t find a good periodontist here in uk? Thanks

Please do not feel bad. Sometimes we neglect our selves without knowing it when raising families, or being married or as in your case in a professional role. Also the dentist is pretty scary to a lot of people. I hadn't been for over 2 years due to lockdown so me and my dd8 went in march. I needed a tiny bit of filling at the back and a scale and polish. I deliberately made my daughter sit so she knew it wasn't sore or scary. My mum is petrified and has almost no teeth due to this. When she's ready she will do something about it.
Some dentists do dental plans and pay monthly if that's an option for you. Please don't be so hard on yourself xx

Get quotes from other dentists, they might be able to get that down a bit. I recently spent £3500 on Invisalign and it's the best thing I did. It's made so much difference to my confidence. I wish I'd done it years ago. You are worth it!!

Well done on going in the first place and just go and see someone else and get a second opinion.

You should be proud of yourself x

Definitely get your teeth sorted! I lived with a very dark yellow front tooth for years after hitting it when I fainted when I was young . It looked disgusting on photos and really stood out as my other teeth were quite white. I started getting toothache in it , got the root removed and internal bleaching !! It looks amazing now!! Can’t believe I lived with like that for so many years !

This really will make me sound ridiculous, but I have got an electric toothbrush on the dentist's advice and she also said I need to floss, but I find it really hard, apart from the teeth at the front. I can't seem to get the angle right - I've even looked at videos ffs but I really don't think I can do it. I have bought a water flosser but have also read some mixed stuff about those. Does anyone know if they are a suitable alternative?

I have a water flosser and I love it! My teeth feel cleaner than if I floss the traditional way.

I have a Waterpik, it takes some practise but my teeth do feel really clean afterwards. I use diluted antibacterial mouthwash instead of water in it.

I can't get on with those little interdental brushes, I feel faint when I push them in between my molars

I would look to a normal dentist doing all the necessary work, like fillings and crowns if you need them. they wont do veneers as its cosmetic. the go to Smile Direct and get some invisible teeth straighteners. takes around 18 months to do and have made my smile perfectly straight. cheaper than invisilign. Then get them whitened (although Smile direct give you a free DIY kit). If you do need veneers just pay them. It wont cost anywhere near £7K

Us brits are known worldwide as having poor dentistry. So don't feel ashamed, I'm sure lots of people are in your position having not looked after their teeth or have a mouth full of amalgam fillings. It's only in last 15 years or so that it is common for people to have cosmetic dentistry over here.

Near me there is a dentistry university and they take people on for the students to learn, they often offer free dentistry or subsidised dentistry include cosmetic, could you see if there is something similar near you and put your name on the list? One of my friends got all her veneers done this way and a bridge!

If you do go private, shop around, 7k sounds like a lot I'm sure you could find cheaper.

I gave up on NHS dentist years ago, they never had appointments free in an emergency and the quality was poor. I have been going private for a long time and pay on a denplan - it's much better and quality is amazing plus my dentist is lovely and always puts me at ease! Most pain free root canal I've ever had! worth the money.

I have awful teeth (4 extractions and most of my back teeth are filled). When I was pregnant with my third child my teeth disintegrated in front of my eyes, it was awful. My dc was then born with horrific disabilities and later died, and I read that that might have been the cause of if my rapid tooth decay- who knows.
However, at my first dentist appointment after her death the dentist said, “So tell me your story. I’ve never seen anyone your age with such bad teeth…” I’ve never been so humiliated and ashamed. I’m now terrified of the dentist 😔

I'm a dentist. What does the 7k quote include? I can give you an indication of what is worth prioritising and if it is worth getting a quote elsewhere.

I'm so sorry

That is really kind of you to offer your advice to @torbygirl

Can I ask what you think of water flossers? Are they any good? Thanks.

They're good, but I wouldn't stop traditional flossing altogether. Water flossers are more of an adjunct to regular brushing and flossing.

Thank you @Housenoob

@torbygirl try TePe brushes too if they're easier to clean the gums and between teeth.

As a child I was put on medication which ruined my teeth and I am still paying the price now with veneers (my dentist said if it happened now you'd sue them but this was many, many years ago). I don't drink coffee or red wine, brush religiously, use interdental brushes, go to the dentist and hygienist regularly.

DH brushes but hasn't been to the dentist or hygienist in years. Drinks coffee and red wine. Hardly ever uses TePe brushes or floss.

Guess which one of us needs partial dentures not him and which has strong, white, healthy teeth?! His mum's teeth are great, my mum's are not so I definitely think genetics plays a part too.

Sorry to hijack but may I borrow the dentist please? I've got small infections on the roots of two adjacent teeth, both previously root treated.

I can feel it grumbling a bit but I'm not in pain. Dentist says if it flares up into pain then the only treatment will be extraction.

Would it not be possible /advisable at this point to have a course of antibiotics to head off the infection?

I also heard that anaesthetic doesn't work on infected teeth so how can extraction work?

Don’t be hard on yourself. Make a plan with the dentist and slowly do the treatment. You’ll feel better once you get started. Just do what you can afford and you’ll be more positive.

you might want to shop around a bit for quotes for treatment, depending on what the quote is for. e.g. braces etc - get at least three quotes.

water fasting for a few days is great for clearing out gum infections and helping heal the gums.

@JKDcot - typed a massive post then deleted it!😫
This one may be shorter - 2 periodontal cleans over the last 5 years have slowed things down; my dental hygiene is meticulous but under the gum does what it does! Basically I am now at the tipping point. I have 10 teeth left in my upper set and one of those is wiggly. Although x rays show my bone loss has slowed, if I leave it much longer there won't be enough left to support either dentures or implants successfully. In October I have a 2 hour visit when all 10 will be extracted and I will leave the surgery wearing my denture. I think reputable dentists don't recommend implants from the get go, especially with patients with gum disease as the gum and bone need time to heal. In 9 months and after my gum has shrunk, I will get my next 'proper' dentures. We then need to look at the bone and depending on how thigs go, I could get a 4-on-1 denture or a whole mouth of implants BUT my consultant says that with gum disease patients, removing teeth then sticking in implants means you may still end up fighting the gum disease because you are still having pegs round which bacteria can gain entry. (I paraphrased the last bit.) Hoping I will manage with the dentures as I'm just sick of worrying about my teeth falling out - pulled one out myself over the first lockdown it was so loose! Hope that explains it a bit. Find a good periodontist and pay what you need to. I have stopped mid house renovation to afford this and am currently living in a bombsite!

I haven't read the full thread yet, but the £7000 quoted by the dentist - does that include any replacements for the teeth that will be extracted? Bridges, false ones, etc?

Definitely don't be hard on yourself - you are NOT alone in this. Have a friend who's just had two front teeth out and this was down to neglecting her dental hygiene. It's never too late to start. Use the electric toothbrush, just stick at it, you'll get the hang of it soon enough. They're much better than manual toothbrushes for removing plaque etc.

A water flosser is great for cleaning between your teeth and along the fum line. It's also really satisfying to see all the bits of debris that you didn't know was lurking!