To be in total despair over my teeth

[torbygirl]

This is all so humiliating it is painful to even type anonymously and there is no way I could discuss it in rl with anyone.

My teeth are appalling. I went through a period of about a decade in early adulthood when I really neglected them. After that I maintained normal care but only ever saw a dentist when it was an emergency. I'm in mid 40s now and massively embarrassed by their colour, lack of straightness etc. There are also a couple missing, though not in very visible places. My feelings about all this have got worse over the last couple of years while I pretty much ignored it all up to then. My divorce ad just generally getting older have made me feel worse about it all.

A few weeks ago I finally bit the bullet and saw a dentist. It's worse than I could have thought and it turns out I need £7000 worth of treatment - and I'm not even sure that that includes everything. There are 2 or 3 teeth she thinks can't be saved and they are in more prominent positions than the others I have lost.

I just feel so stupid about this and a the title says in despair. I have a reasonably good career but I don't have that sort of money lying around. I would have to borrow it which is obviously less than ideal with the current state of the economy. I also feel like I can't really do my job if I end up with these gaps. I'm in a professional role (believe it or not). I just feel such an idiot.

I just feel like I've ruined my appearance and my finances through stupid choices I made years ago then putting my head in the sand and now there's no really good outcome possible.

I just wanted to get it off my chest but any dental advice/experiences would be brilliant.

i would go to an average private dentist for another quote you dont need to go to a cosmetic one for fillings root canals etc

Don't feel bad OP. I too am a professional who managed to go 7 years without seeing a dentist - lots of people do it - scared of dentists.

No advice but feel your pain. 13 years of bulimia hve destroyed mine. Too ashamed to go to the dentist and they’re disintegrating infront of my eyes by the day x

Sadly this may be impossible!! There are so few now.

Given you went to a cosmetic dentist, I would try again at a normal high street private dentist as I'd be suspicious there was overselling.

Also ask if there is a priority list in that £7k - maybe Urgent work to save teeth/prevent infections, less urgent and then the 'nice to do'.

So you can take it in stages.

Go to a private dentist (not a cosmetic place). I pay 32 a month for dental treatment which includes seeing the dentist and hygienist. There are cheaper plans than that, but I've had to go often because I had gum disease (now mostly resolved). I was never taken to the dentist as a kid and didn't go as an adult until the past few years, so I totally understand that sense of despair! However, although my teeth are never going to be perfect, the dentist was able to make a huge difference. It's really worth finding a good dentist. Even if you decide to go for cosmetic treatment after your gum disease etc has been sorted, they will be able to talk you through the various options.

Another vote for get a second opinion/quotation. My DH was going to a cosmetic type dentis and although he didn’t need loads doing, he was charged high hundreds every time. I persuaded him to go to my dentist (privately owner, small market town, still not NHS as none round here) and he had the treatment done for a fraction of the price. I think a lot of practices are owned by large businesses, and that corporate management tends to push up fees.

Name changed for this, as I am horribly ashamed to talk about this, but I am another one who is in a similar position @torbygirl. I have been really ill over the last few years with gastro issues, was vomiting up to 10 times a day, could barely keep anything down (ended up being fed through a vein, but still vomiting up bile and water etc.) and ended up unconscious in ITU for a while.

I last saw a dentist just before this all started, around 5 years ago and until then, had always taken great care of my teeth, had regular dental appointments and had been proud of my smile - I'd had braces and night time headgear as a child and had been very strict about my teeth cleaning and flossing etc..

My teeth basically started dissolving from the back forwards, due to all the acid coming up from my stomach. They've just dissolved down to jagged edges now, so I can barely chew anything, and sharp things like crisps are out of the question. I am 'lucky' that I still have 8 teeth at the front, top and bottom, but most have huge cavities, so I'm sure they'll end up disintegrating too and they are incredibly thin and delicate now and a few (particularly one of my front top teeth) have broken off at different angles - I look horrific, I am so embarrassed.

I have been trying to find an NHS dentist for the last 6 months, but there is nothing within a 100 mile radius. I keep checking all the time, I am desperate to get this sorted, but I am sure I'll just have to have what remains removed and have false teeth - I'm only 41.

Even if I find a dentist, it's going to be an ordeal to open my mouth and have someone look at what's left of my teeth. I know people always say "Oh, they'll have seen worse!", but will they? Really? What if I'm the patient that the dentist goes home and tells her family about, or shares how horrific it was to have to look at my teeth with their friends at a dinner party? I know I'll have to have some sort of surgery, so there'll be months and possibly even years of appointments before I ever have anything resembling a presentable smile - I can't even hold a conversation without cringing at what the other person must be thinking of my teeth. That's before I even begin to think about what it might cost. The whole thing feels insurmountable.

I am still too ill to work at the moment, but I am hoping to be well enough to start working again in a year or so, but there is no way I could go for an interview as I am. I used to be such a happy, chatty person, but now I avoid smiling at people and don't make small talk with cashiers etc., because they'll see my teeth. We had my best friend's wedding in April and I was a bridesmaid - I would have preferred to hide in the background but I couldn't let my BF down and she was really encouraging about it, but I cried when I saw some of the photos. The ones where I am smiling or talking and you can see my teeth just make me want to curl up and cry. I keep thinking 'Everyone at I spoke to at the wedding must have been thinking "Oh my goodness, what on earth has she done to her teeth - has she just not brushed them since I last saw her?", it's mortifying. I can't believe it's got to this stage.

My DH is really lovely and kind about it, but it must be such a turn off and although they say they're not, I'm sure my teenage DC must be embarrassed to be seen with me.

I'm sorry this is so long, it's the first time I've put it all into words - I had no idea I had so much to say on the subject! Whenever I mention how awful my teeth are and how distressing I find the state of them, people just say "Well you're lucky to be alive, you're bound to have a few battle scars!" or "At least you're alive!", and I know they're right, but I just feel like everyone is judging me - I'm judging me - they're thinking I don't look after myself, that I'm disgusting and dirty and don't clean my teeth. It's humiliating. I feel like after I've been through such a shitty time and been so incredibly unwell, this is now going to be the thing that holds me back from getting back to my old self, and that feels really pathetic.

I wish you all the best in getting your teeth to a place where you feel comfortable again. I know you've been quoted a large sum, but I think that it's one of the only "cosmetic" things that's really important, and informs so much of how others see you - and how you see yourself.

Impossible

I was quoted £7.5k for 2 implants in the UK. I went to Kreativ dental in Budapest and had the whole lot done for £3k including flights/Hotel etc. Worth every penny. Aftercare is amazing too. I thought I had a problem and they paid for me to return and be reviewed.

NHS dentist? They are rarer than rocking horse shit!

Almost all dentists have payment plans nowadays. My sons teeth are awful too and he’s been quoted £11500 for his to be sorted. Luckily he’s in a position to be able to pay

Hiya OP- Im just finishing my Invisilign treatment (4th time ive had my teeth straightened, will be the last time..) i went to several places for a quote which varied between 4k and 2k what ive paid, DO get a 2nd opinion, i hated my teeth my whole life, never had the money, but.. having them done is the best feeling, its for YOU, id advise you to get a payment plan (Mine was zero interest) and take the plunge, you will feel so much better, dont do abroad , there are good dentists in the UK, look at reviews and ask for opinions, Im in east London, I use Ace Dental in Wanstead, im sure you will find somewhere that suits, it made the world of difference to my MH, my confidence, and my career.. Best of Luck, you deserve this , xx

I'm so grateful for all the replies and will definitely phone around some private dentists on Monday and see about getting a second opinion/quote.

TerribleTeeth Thank you for sharing that. Pretty much all you say really resonates with me and I really hope you continue to recover and can start some dental treatment as soon as possible. .

I wonder why op didn't think of that!

I have terrible teeth. I'm a similar age to you and I don't think dental care was great for our generation. I had braces as a kid but no retainer/consistent care so now my teeth are all wonky, I have receding gums and I am self conscious of them. However, my main focus is on keeping the teeth I have so I'm trying to maintain them for as long as I can before I worry about the cosmetic side as I think I might lose my front bottom 2 within the next 10 years.
Don't beat yourself up. Just do what you can & I don't think people notice teeth as much as you think. Unless you have terrible bright white Turkey teeth.

Hi @torbygirl I'm sorry how you are feeling, dental anxiety is very real. I did have an NHS dentist for years, when things went back to normal after the pandemic, my NHS dentist left and has currently not been replaced.

The other day I had no choice but to see the private dentist at the practise as my crown broke, also pulling out the filling in the tooth next to the crown.

The broken crown tooth can't be saved so I need an extraction plus two fillings. I have been quoted £145 for the extraction and £189 for each filling. It's just about doable, but massively more than it would have been on the NHS.

Do you have a school of dentistry near you? That can be a really good option and they are usually really helpful and kind.

Hi @torbygirl and @TerribleTeeth i think you both could be me.

My teeth were never great to begin with and I went through many years without going to the dentist because I couldn’t find one taking on NHS, and I went through a number of years where I completely and utterly neglected myself due to spiralling mental health problems.

Got to a point where I did have some money to address my shocking teeth, but didn’t have the courage to let a dentist look in my mouth for the reasons you have said, then lockdown happened and the money I had saved got used to shore up household funds as DH was furloughed, so I was strangely confident going out and about behind a face mask.

But now my teeth are even worse, so eroded that it affects my speech, and I no longer have the money to address the problem, other than go for bridges and dentures.

Im so tired of speaking to people with my hand up to my mouth so they can’t see my teeth, and I can’t believe I’ve let things get so bad that it’s affecting my speech, I try and not speak that much in company/at work now to avoid attention.

Anyway, big hugs, I hope we all manage to find a solution some time soon.

@torbygirl - Don't know if this helps but I was first accused of not taking care of my teeth at 17. Fast forward and 6 years ago it was finally acknowledged that I have aggressive (inherited) gum disease. I have taken care of my teeth and yet am in the same position as you. Just spent £1500 on periodontal on my lower teeth and scheduled to get upper false teeth in October. With gum disease, the chances of implants working are slim and my main man is head consultant at the dental hospital in my area, doing private on the side so I tend to believe him. Where gum disease is at play, going abroad is not an option - you need to do Uk as implants may fail. I have done the tears and accepted having teeth on a plate for at least the next six months while my gums heal. We will take it from there afterwards. Do not beat yourself up - I have shelved home improvements to get this done as I'm early 50s and want to have teeth!!! Any questions, mail me as I am further on the journey than you. x

Oh dear - I hope you can sort something out financially. I’ve always had soft teeth and had my first filling at a very early age. When I was a child we lived in Hong Kong (first filling) and I barely ate any proper food, as it was hot and I didn’t like the food,. Despite the encouragement of my parent, I existed mainly on Coca Cola! My parents didn’t know any different or the harm it was causing my teeth (my teeth basically rotted) and since my teens I had numerous NHS crowns etc. Around 15 years ago, when one of my NHS front teeth crowns fell out I was resigned to pay for a replacement but, after two replacement crowns, they fell out. I was told that I need to see a good dental surgeon (not cosmetic) for implants. They weren’t as popular as they are now and I had to go privately. Because it was my front tooth, I was desperate. In the end, I had to have two more front implants, and an implant bridge, as my gums wouldn’t support any more crowns. I had to wait until the bone “knitted” so it was a 50% chance that the implants would work. During that time, I had to wear a denture on my front teeth. In the end, the procure did work, and I took out a 0% credit card to pay it off, forgoing holidays and doing without other things.

I know I was lucky to do this. I had to find a private dentist, as my NHS dentist retired and the dentist who did my implants didn’t want to take me on as a private patient. More fool him, as I did find a private dentist and spent a fortune (on a payment plan) replacing old fillings and then had a further two implants, as my teeth were falling apart. The cost was on a repayment plan which I prioritised.

I worked with a woman and when I told her the cost over the years, she was horrified. This was a woman who prioritised holidays (think two overseas and mini breaks over the years). I never had a holiday and my money was spent on my teeth (horses for courses). (Cosmetic, yes, but more importantly, I liked to eat without dentures). Beware of having treatment abroad. Yes, you will find some good dentists with cheaper procedures, but you will also find some very bad dentists (like the UK, I suppose) so if you do decide to go down that route, do your research carefully. My dentist in the UK told me that she spent hours of work replacing the implants and other work that was done abroad, at the additional cost (and pain) to the patient.

My teeth now are the best I have! They look Ok (not film star teeth) but Ok. Around three years ago, I decided to replace my back silver/amalgam fillings with crowns. My teeth aren’t great, but they look Ok and I eat very well. I have an electric toothbrush, an electric flosser, good dental hygiene and I’m on a dental plan.

My advice is that it’s never too late! Better late than never. If you can’t afford dental implants or cosmetic work then invest (and save for) good quality dentures. The quality of eating won’t be as good but your teeth will look good.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do. In my eyes, my teeth came before holidays, clothes etc. (for a short time). It was worth every penny.

You do realise that there is a crisis in NHS dentistry don't you? Very very few are taking on new NHS patients.

Glad you're going for a second opinion. NHS dentists are hard to come by, but no harm in seeing if any have availability where you are. A regular dentist (either private or nhs), as opposed to one specialising in cosmetic dentistry will be able to give you a second opinion and advise on urgent/essential work.

If you don't already get yourself an electric toothbrush today and start flossing.

I had long periods of time when I didn't go to the dentist when I was younger. Suffering the effects now, but regular visits to the dentist and the hygienist have made a massive difference.

Don't be ashamed, you're far from the only one.

It's helping so much to read everyone else's stories. I think I had a sense that everyone else has perfect teeth... And yes to loving masks for this reason! That was definitely a silver lining for me over the last couple of years.

OP my sister is 44 and is in the middle of £19k worth of dental treatment. The NHS said her only option was extraction and dentures but a private dentist has saved a lot of them... she's having a bone transplant and several implants, she then has the option of gum grafts but that will be more ££.

Turns out she hadn't been to the dentist a single time since she left home at 18 and only went last year because one fell out.

You're not alone and it could be MUCH worse.

You've had some great advice on this thread but your dentist sounds nice so discuss all your options. Good luck

@torbygirl did the dentist give you a treatment plan with a breakdown of the costs? If they didn't, give them a call and they can email it to you.

A treatment plan is always done at the initial consultation, even with an NHS dentist. Don't be afraid to ask, at least you will know the cost of various work needed.