Call the police or am I wasting police time

[GarlicCrackers]

Partner went out on his motorbike to go to an open Mike night. Said he would be home at 11.

11.20 he messages to say sorry he didn’t realise the time he’d be home soon.

it’s now 1.20 and he isn’t answering his phone. Facebook messages show as not delivered, and when I ring his phone it either says this persons phone is switched off or it rings with no answer.

im sure he is fine and is having a good time but I’m pregnant and currently an insomniac, I’m worried. We live in York, I’m worried he has had an accident, or maybe he stupidly had a drink and then something happened on his motorbike.

Would I be wasting police time if I rang and asked if they’d had any reports? Do I just wait? I can’t sleep. We have dogs and they bark their heads off when he gets home so he knows it’s not on to come home really late as it wakes me up and I’m an irritable pregnant lady, I’m happy for him to stay out at a friends when he goes out to avoid that. But he’s not communicated anything

He will put his money through his accounts rather than take cash, he can’t avoid taxes because of a reason that would be too identifying. A bit like, skiving from school when your parent is the headteacher.

honestly, I’m in two minds regarding child maintenance. I’m not entirely sure I’ll actively pursue him or just accept help if he decides to offer it.

Oh due January. So I’m only half way there

You can't force him to have a relationship with his child but he has a duty to provide what support he can.

You're a strong lady. Well done and good luck!

Life is too short to spend it with someone that has so little respect for you.

Good luck @GarlicCrackers sorry it turned
out this way but better to find out now (I know that doesn’t help but you know what I mean). Don’t be too accommodating - him turning up to walk the dog is too easy for him cherry picking bits of your old life that he wants (you do need to go ‘no contact’ really until baby arrives (even then you need boundaries). Do set something formal up re maintenance - you don’t have to clean him out but make it regular. Don’t get involved in the move if you can extract yourself without causing major issues now.

If a woman wants an abortion then she obviously needs to be able to have one and the input from the other person can be disregarded.

If there is a genuinely accidental pregnancy where the man doesn't but the woman does want the person created then that is a grey area.
Yes the risks etc are all on the woman but there is also responsibility created for the other person that didn't want to be a parent.

but there is also responsibility created for the other person that didn't want to be a parent.

That responsibility is created by the pregnancy, not by the lack of abortion. Abortion has nothing to do with men becoming fathers. There is no grey area. When pregnancy occurs, it is too late to prevent pregnancy. It exists. The responsibility is created.

What do you mean 'grey area'? What do you think should happen?

You mean, the person who wanted risk-free sex.

What's this grey area regarding parents' responsibility for their own children? Are you suggesting a man's desire for consequence-free sex should sometimes trump his child's right to be supported by their parents? Do you think those are sound priorities and principles?

Please sort this out before the baby comes. This is all red flags to me. Going out 3 times a week not answering your calls. You sure he isnt messing around? I would seriously asses my relationship if i was pregnant and my husband was being so inconsiderate!

I feel a bit sorry for him now. No wonder he is acting like this! He is being forced into parenthood. He obviously isnt ready. When the baby comes it will get worse im afraid unless he falls completely in love with his baby.

He is being forced into parenthood.

He is experiencing the consequences of sex that he knew he was risking.

It doesn't have to be more than minimal payments per month until the child is 18. A child's right to parental support trumps a man's wish for consequence-free sex. I know, what's the world coming to.

DexysMum, RTFT. The relationship is over.

He does like to live off women, doesn't he?

He is being forced into parenthood.

No. He's becoming a parent as a completely natural consequence of his choices. He had choices, many of them, he chose not to exercise them. Abortion is not one of his many choices, being as he doesn't have a uterus.

Why is men's access to consequence-free sex seen as more important than a women's right to essential healthcare or a child's right to be fed and clothed? In a decent world it would go:

Fed and clothed
Essential healthcare

Consequence free sex

honestly, I’m in two minds regarding child maintenance. I’m not entirely sure I’ll actively pursue him or just accept help if he decides to offer it.

Pursue it. even if you do not have an immediate need - put it aside for your child later in life. The child deserves that money

I agree with @LovePoppy , this is money your child deserves and should get, whether it is needed now or later.

I should note that I was on the pill taken consistently, something went wrong obviously.

I had said, I'll have the coil to avoid me forgetting - he said no I have hesrd they can fail. Even then he didn't suggest he also used condoms....

@GarlicCrackers I'm really not having a go. I wish you luck with the baby.

In an ideal world we could all be sterile until (if) we wanted to have kids. I agree that once the child is born then there has to be accountability from both parents. I've also known the odd woman in real life that has lied about contraception in order to get pregnant and access the associated benefits (not the norm). I do completely agree that the other person can use condoms. I always used to put the condom on them but that is not fail safe either.

We live in a world where it is entirely possible for men to take total control of their fertility. Freeze some sperm have a vasectomy and then use the sperm if and when they are ready/desiring of a child.
Almost foolproof way of avoiding an unwanted child.
Funny how it still always falls on the woman.

wow his sister bails him out what a catch-i would still ask for money dont be a martyr puyt it away fro the babys future if you realy dont want to spend it

Rang 101 because he's 2 hours late from the pub. Wow.

Lots of context for why the call was made if you spare the time to read the OP's posts, which can be useful.

Commented dickishly without reading the thread? Wow.

Nice try.