Page 25 | CF Have come to stay - The morning after

SeriouslyLosingTheWill · 2022-08-19T21:33:48+00:00

The first thread is full so I'll start a new one, in case there is a dramatic update in the morning. I actually feel emotionally drained right now. I keep almost crying. Pathetic. Probably the wine thats doing that. I'll be going to bed shortly and i'll update tomorrow if theres anything to add. I reckon they will be up early and go quietly though. They don't drive a ford ranger (I remember that thread! haven't looked at a ford ranger driver the same since!) Its a bmw something or other. Dp cleared up the kitchen and 1 dc (dd19) came down and helped, so thats all good. She then came out, gave me a little hug and said DP had explained about the food. She then lit up and offered me a cigarette (WTF! I don't smoke and although had an inkling wasn't sure she did) and said no ones perfect, everyone has failings. Honestly i'm in a parallel universe tonight. Dp has put most of the beers away in the garage, just left in the fridge what was there. I do wonder if they will take them home. Heres the first one if anyone wants to catch up as not sure I can give a proper summery right now https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4614982-cf-have-come-to-stay-how-to-handle-it?page=23&reply=119364945

letmechangetheatmosphere · 20/08/2022 22:26

Lilylonglegs · 20/08/2022 21:06

Any time a thread is really interesting people start saying it is made up. I was called a troll years ago on here after posting a very real situation that people claimed was impossible it could be true. This thread has definitely been a roller coaster ride and very interesting! Certainly the OP has more balls than I did with my unwanted guest although I did end up chucking her out in the end.

I agree and I've had the same happen with regards to many RL situations I've experienced and posted about on here.

I wouldn't call this thread a definite rollercoaster though 😂

Tillsforthrills · 20/08/2022 22:28

letmechangetheatmosphere · 20/08/2022 22:26

I agree and I've had the same happen with regards to many RL situations I've experienced and posted about on here.

I wouldn't call this thread a definite rollercoaster though 😂

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I think a lot of people think twice about posting due to this. Even some normal sounding posts are immediately shot down as being fake, it’s crazy.

WagnersFourthSymphony · 20/08/2022 22:46

Astounded at the 10% who voted YABU. Can only conclude they've led such sheltered lives they can't believe such cheeky fuckery is real. Sadly, at my age I find it all too credible and take my hat off to @SeriouslyLosingTheWill , and can't really blame her for hiding the croissants. 😁
Top boundary establishing! 🦁

MillyWithaY · 20/08/2022 23:00

Years ago we stayed with some friends at their house in France. To be honest it was all a bit awkward as they are very particular and house proud so we could never relax. We paid our way with shopping etc. We said we'd like to treat them to dinner to say thank you. They chose the most expensive restaurant in town and insisted we had the tasting menu (8 courses, different wine with each course, chef talking us through everything). Honestly, we could have stayed in a 5* hotel for what it cost us that night. Lesson learnt. They still talk about what fun that night was - all I remember is how anxious I was at what the bill would be.

surreygirl1987 · 20/08/2022 23:43

WHOAAH! I've just read both your threads in utter fascination. They sound awful! I think you handled it really really well.

MsRosley · 21/08/2022 00:16

Another thread where I'm shaking my head, wondering what the hell is wrong with some people. Well handled, OP!

ifIwerenotanandroid · 21/08/2022 00:45

MillyWithaY · 20/08/2022 23:00

Years ago we stayed with some friends at their house in France. To be honest it was all a bit awkward as they are very particular and house proud so we could never relax. We paid our way with shopping etc. We said we'd like to treat them to dinner to say thank you. They chose the most expensive restaurant in town and insisted we had the tasting menu (8 courses, different wine with each course, chef talking us through everything). Honestly, we could have stayed in a 5* hotel for what it cost us that night. Lesson learnt. They still talk about what fun that night was - all I remember is how anxious I was at what the bill would be.

Hosts who are freeloaders - that takes a bit of doing!

DH & I stayed with SIL & BIL early in our relationship, & one night at their suggestion we went out to a new restaurant they said they'd been wanting to try. It was an upmarket Chinese restaurant in a posh city, thus expensive.

SIL ordered course after course but each time, she took a single mouthful before declaring that she didn't like it & pushing it aside & ordering something else. She seemed thrilled with this game; I thought it was odd. I went off to the Ladies at the end of the meal, & didn't see who paid - I assumed it was BIL as they'd suggested it.

Years later I said to DH that maybe I was being uncharitable about his DS's meanness, as she did at least pay for that expensive Chinese meal. There was a long pause & then DH said, "Um, actually I paid."🙄

Mummyoflittledragon · 21/08/2022 00:50

ifIwerenotanandroid · 21/08/2022 00:45

Hosts who are freeloaders - that takes a bit of doing!

DH & I stayed with SIL & BIL early in our relationship, & one night at their suggestion we went out to a new restaurant they said they'd been wanting to try. It was an upmarket Chinese restaurant in a posh city, thus expensive.

SIL ordered course after course but each time, she took a single mouthful before declaring that she didn't like it & pushing it aside & ordering something else. She seemed thrilled with this game; I thought it was odd. I went off to the Ladies at the end of the meal, & didn't see who paid - I assumed it was BIL as they'd suggested it.

Years later I said to DH that maybe I was being uncharitable about his DS's meanness, as she did at least pay for that expensive Chinese meal. There was a long pause & then DH said, "Um, actually I paid."🙄

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Im confused as to why you call your sil and bil mean. They put you up, didn’t they? Did they feed you?

ifIwerenotanandroid · 21/08/2022 00:58

@Mummyoflittledragon Long family history of it, in many ways. And we did a big food shop when we stayed with them.

Meraas · 21/08/2022 01:01

MillyWithaY · 20/08/2022 23:00

Years ago we stayed with some friends at their house in France. To be honest it was all a bit awkward as they are very particular and house proud so we could never relax. We paid our way with shopping etc. We said we'd like to treat them to dinner to say thank you. They chose the most expensive restaurant in town and insisted we had the tasting menu (8 courses, different wine with each course, chef talking us through everything). Honestly, we could have stayed in a 5* hotel for what it cost us that night. Lesson learnt. They still talk about what fun that night was - all I remember is how anxious I was at what the bill would be.

Why ate you still friends with these twats?!

Mummyoflittledragon · 21/08/2022 02:00

@ifIwerenotanandroid
I see. Yes, I’ve visited those type of hosts on several occasions, never to darken their door again. Doubly infuriating when we’d repeatedly been generous to a particular couple.

strugglingmum82 · 21/08/2022 02:42

I have a feeling that this story is going to end up in the daily mail 😂

Sarabbb · 21/08/2022 06:54

This post was riveting! Thank you! I really enjoyed reading the updates😍.

StillNotGrownUpat57 · 21/08/2022 09:19

We’re lucky to live in a seaside location where friends want to visit us. Generally visitors are very generous but the DW of one family always does all her laundry the day before they leave (for up to 6 of them) happily telling me she’d rather use our electricity rather than her own! Her DH came up once on his own and did the same saying DW would not be happy if he took laundry home.

trèschaud · 21/08/2022 09:41

The saying that fish and house guests go off after 3 days couldn't be more true.
While no one was a CF we once stayed with friends for a week in their holiday home. It was very kind of them to ask us, but I wouldn't and haven't done it again.
We took them out for a meal, shared the food costs and cooking but it wasn't a holiday destination we'd have chosen as it was somewhere with a poor human rights record and it felt awkward .
They were careful about how much the AC was on in very hot temperatures, the DH kept coming into our bedroom (he did knock) to check things like the AC when it wasn't as tidy as I'd like.
The flights to get there were long and expensive too.
I'd prefer to pay for accommodation of our choosing and have privacy and relaxation. We never host or stay with people for more than 3 nights now.

Snoopsnoggysnog · 21/08/2022 10:25

StillNotGrownUpat57 · 21/08/2022 09:19

We’re lucky to live in a seaside location where friends want to visit us. Generally visitors are very generous but the DW of one family always does all her laundry the day before they leave (for up to 6 of them) happily telling me she’d rather use our electricity rather than her own! Her DH came up once on his own and did the same saying DW would not be happy if he took laundry home.

This is so, so cheeky and I would not be having these people to stay again, or I’d be really firm and say no, it won’t be convenient to do all your laundry here.

LookItsMeAgain · 21/08/2022 14:19

StillNotGrownUpat57 · 21/08/2022 09:19

We’re lucky to live in a seaside location where friends want to visit us. Generally visitors are very generous but the DW of one family always does all her laundry the day before they leave (for up to 6 of them) happily telling me she’d rather use our electricity rather than her own! Her DH came up once on his own and did the same saying DW would not be happy if he took laundry home.

Time to find out where your nearest laundrette is and go so far as to have directions to it on a piece of paper. I'd even get prices for dry cleaning if needs be but as these people (I'm guessing here) would visit you on a reasonably regular basis, I'd make it so that the machine wasn't working (take out the fuse if needs be) when they visit next. This is not okay to do, and even less okay when the price of energy is going up!

hugefanofcheese · 22/08/2022 00:01

Genuinely fascinating that people go through life with zero understanding of manners and generosity- so they were happy to eat steak on OP's dollar but considered it a waste when they were paying. Surely a meal in or out for your hosts is completely standard etiquette. How do they not know?? I say this as the OP, I believe, mentioned there was no cultural element that would mean they'd expect otherwise.

CallmeAngelina · 22/08/2022 00:05

I'm just staggered that they took beers home with them!
Isn't that basically stealing?

Lilylonglegs · 22/08/2022 07:37

I’m curious if anyone on this thread who has CF always wanting to stay ever tell the prospective guest no and they still try and find ways around to stay with you. I just think if I outrightly asked someone to stay and they said no then it means no I wouldn’t try and negotiate.

I told a woman that I only speak to online. I don’t have the room and she offered to sleep on the floor or sofa. Well I don’t want anyone sleeping on my floor and sofa AND I’ve never even met her in real life. I had a friend who stayed with me before I had children ask the same and I told him I was having work done and he kept trying to change the dates so I could accommodate him. Honestly I don’t want anyone in my house AT ALL and I don’t have a spare room but these requested keep coming.

Lottapianos · 22/08/2022 08:16

'I’m curious if anyone on this thread who has CF always wanting to stay ever tell the prospective guest no and they still try and find ways around to stay with you'

Yes! I told my CF that he couldn't stay one time as we would be away, and he said 'oh thats ok, I don't mind, you can just leave me a key!'. Considering he had form for turning the spare room and kitchen into a pig sty, and bringing randoms back from time to time, that was not tempting. Since then I've just said 'no I'm afraid that won't work for us'. Agree with you it should not be a negotiation

BMW6 · 22/08/2022 08:22

I am comfortable saying No, I don't want the hassle of having overnight guests.
There are lots of inexpensive hotels within 10 mins walk from us.

MinnieGirl · 22/08/2022 08:50

OP, have you heard any more from your husbands ex? I am dying to know if they complained about you!
Has hubby spoken to ex to update her?

Festoonlights · 22/08/2022 09:17

We don’t have overnight guests either. It’s exhausting. We stays in hotels or cottages when visiting family and friends, and expect others to do the same.

CustardySergeant · 22/08/2022 10:45

CallmeAngelina · 22/08/2022 00:05

I'm just staggered that they took beers home with them!
Isn't that basically stealing?

From the CFs point of view, they paid for the beer so they're entitled to take it. They probably consider the OP to have stolen the things she put in her room. Unbelievable, I know, but they obviously don't think like normal decent people.