CF Have come to stay - The morning after

[SeriouslyLosingTheWill]

The first thread is full so I'll start a new one, in case there is a dramatic update in the morning.

I actually feel emotionally drained right now. I keep almost crying. Pathetic. Probably the wine thats doing that.

I'll be going to bed shortly and i'll update tomorrow if theres anything to add. I reckon they will be up early and go quietly though.

They don't drive a ford ranger (I remember that thread! haven't looked at a ford ranger driver the same since!) Its a bmw something or other.

Dp cleared up the kitchen and 1 dc (dd19) came down and helped, so thats all good. She then came out, gave me a little hug and said DP had explained about the food. She then lit up and offered me a cigarette (WTF! I don't smoke and although had an inkling wasn't sure she did) and said no ones perfect, everyone has failings. Honestly i'm in a parallel universe tonight.

Dp has put most of the beers away in the garage, just left in the fridge what was there. I do wonder if they will take them home.

Heres the first one if anyone wants to catch up as not sure I can give a proper summery right now www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4614982-cf-have-come-to-stay-how-to-handle-it?page=23&reply=119364945

Maybe, MN should start having CFers (Cheeky Fuckers) and CCFers (Cheeky Cunty Fuckers) for the worst offenders.

I definitely award these two the first CCF award 🥇 🥇

Well done op and your DH, you both handled the situation very well. It would be interesting to hear what they say to your DH’s ex about their ‘holiday’!

Yes, I just hope the OP and her DH get in first to explain the full horror of this visit.

What a relief they've gone, and what a good pair you and your DP make! Even if they are used to holidaying in a hotel, they would presumably pay for those holidays. Who in their right mind expects an all inclusive holiday in someone else's home for free, where the hosts wait on them hand and foot?! It's good you're both certain you'll never ever see them again.

That has my vote 🤣🤣

Well done on getting rid. Also glad to see you’ve seen that for some people, you need expectations set for a visit.

I used to live overseas in a hot beachy place and had no end of CF’ers to stay. One couple totally took the piss with our generosity and I was actually told by one of them “ X said it’s great staying with you as we won’t spend a penny. You pay for everything”. Well, yeah, because you are a pair of tight arse cheeky f*ckers.

When I moved back here, these people, and a few others thought we were still going to pay their way when we saw them. Others thought I was a hotel with full board. I blame myself for being a soft touch. I’ve got rid of my spare room and not had anyone stay for 2 years. If I get hints of coming over I suggest a meal out where everyone pays their own.

Reminds me of when I first had PIL to stay. I did everything: drove them places (I had a 4-seater car, DH had a 2-seater), showed them around the area & visited the sights with them, made all the meals, etc. Once, MIL wanted something I didn't have & I nipped out to the local shop between courses so that she had it.

After they'd left SIL took great delight in telling us that when she asked her DM how the holiday was, MIL said she was put out that I didn't get up before everyone else & bring her a cup of tea in bed every day.

I wouldn't be rushing to invite her again, what a cheek and shame in your sil

So even after they apologised they took the beers they bought to replace what they had drunk, AND stole the rest of your beer from the fridge!?

These people have clearly stayed with people for all the time their daughter was ill, having everyone pay for them and wait on them hand and foot as they felt bad for them. They obviously think they can do this with everyone, indefinitely. No wonder they can afford all those holidays! They're living for free off other people!

Since my mother died I have taken my step dad away a couple of times. He is a nightmare. When I challenged him about leaving everything to me to do, he told me he didnt think he had to do something as he was on holiday. Fortunately for me his brother and wife were over at the time, and she laughed her head off and asked me if I knew I had signed up to be his maid for the week. I think that got through more than anything I would have said. But I still told him I am not taking him on holiday again.

I'll tell you who wouldn't. A child who facilitated your relationship with her father.

Well if I were you I’d invite myself over to theirs and nick the beer back on the way home 😂

She certainly made herself less welcome than she might've been.

After lovely FIL died she decided to visit again & bring her small GD, our DN. We lived in a maisonette with its own garden & that's where she'd stayed before & wanted to come back to, but at the end of a week in which DH & I took them to tons of places, SIL rang & MIL said to her, in front of us both, "Well it's been alright I suppose, but this is no kind of place to bring a child" - !!!

I'm honestly astonished at how socially unaware some people are. From the beginning, when you describe the meal, surely adults must know that its only polite for them to pay since you are hosting them? Never mind quibbling about the cost of a starter, when the person who had that starter would have cost less all round anyway as she didn't have alcohol! Did you drive everyone there and back as well?

I've put a thread up about how I've happily hosted a friend several times, which has increasingly included members of her family and now children. I'm a little bit unhappy about being asked to keep doing this but my friends have been lovely and behaved perfectly while staying. Its just that I think other people's children are outwith my own boundaries for further hosting. My friends aren't anywhere near CFs, but several people on my thread have commented about how I'm being horrible about rejecting their child and all sorts, its absolutely scary that there are people out there who think theres nothing unreasonable about these lengthy visits with unwilling hosts! Honestly it is crazy that there are actually more than one person out there with a sensitivity check missing.

I can only imagine the conversations between people like this. It must go something like "X and Y look as though they've got plenty of money/a nice lifestyle, I bet we could blag a free holiday out of them in May next year if we play our cards right. They can afford it anyway". Or suchlike.

I've always wondered about those conversations, too.

Love this. OP, if you get extra charge send CFs the bill.

Well done Op for standing your ground. You didn't feel comfortable doing it but you did. That took a lot of strength.

I think the problem is that some people are very socially unaware. There are cultural implications too.

Eg. My Dad (not UK born) - in our culture, older people would have no problem in spending time at friends' houses and not paying for anything. They believe that it is the hosts' pleasure to host guests. That said - my DM would offer to help cook, clear and tidy and would make sure she came with gifts before and after. Also there would be an implicit expectation that they would have to return the favour to their hosts.

Also - some people genuinely have no idea- after all who teaches them the right way to behave?

I really hope that the OP's CF guests take the time to self reflect on their behaviour. I also hope if they moan about their experience to their friends, that they are told they were out of order too.

Flippin heck I've only just read this. The least they could have done was pay for a meal out and get you a big shop in. That's the ultimate CFery.😱😱😱

Well done OP - glad you and DP are in agreement about them.

How they could imagine you were to foot the cost of 'their holiday' and to reduce yourselves to servants in the process is simply mind blowing.

Me thinks they play on thier daughters illness to gain sympathy to blag free holidays.

Read yesterday's and today's and go you! It would make me incredibly uncomfortable too even though I'm generally quite assertive there's something about people being in your home that makes you feel like a bit of a bastard for expecting them not to be utter cunts.

The fact that they took the beer with them is the icing on the top of the cunt cake.

If ever anyone wanted the ultimate definition of what a CF is, they need look no further than this post! I feel for your experience, OP, but I thank you for the entertainment. Better than anything on the box!

She's not a child, she's nearly a pensioner, and has and never had any input to my relationship with her father.

Any time a thread is really interesting people start saying it is made up. I was called a troll years ago on here after posting a very real situation that people claimed was impossible it could be true. This thread has definitely been a roller coaster ride and very interesting! Certainly the OP has more balls than I did with my unwanted guest although I did end up chucking her out in the end.

Any time a thread is really interesting people start saying it is made up. I was called a troll years ago on here after posting a very real situation that people claimed was impossible it could be true. This thread has definitely been a roller coaster ride and very interesting! Certainly the OP has more balls than I did with my unwanted guest although I did end up chucking her out in the end.