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Original poster

CF Have come to stay - The morning after

638 replies

SeriouslyLosingTheWill · 19/08/2022 22:33

The first thread is full so I'll start a new one, in case there is a dramatic update in the morning.

I actually feel emotionally drained right now. I keep almost crying. Pathetic. Probably the wine thats doing that.

I'll be going to bed shortly and i'll update tomorrow if theres anything to add. I reckon they will be up early and go quietly though.

They don't drive a ford ranger (I remember that thread! haven't looked at a ford ranger driver the same since!) Its a bmw something or other.

Dp cleared up the kitchen and 1 dc (dd19) came down and helped, so thats all good. She then came out, gave me a little hug and said DP had explained about the food. She then lit up and offered me a cigarette (WTF! I don't smoke and although had an inkling wasn't sure she did) and said no ones perfect, everyone has failings. Honestly i'm in a parallel universe tonight.

Dp has put most of the beers away in the garage, just left in the fridge what was there. I do wonder if they will take them home.

Heres the first one if anyone wants to catch up as not sure I can give a proper summery right now www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4614982-cf-have-come-to-stay-how-to-handle-it?page=23&reply=119364945

OP posts:
Ziggyisthebestdogintheworld · 20/08/2022 11:41

We’re going to my mils (she lives 190 miles away) next week

we’ll be taking flowers and we’ll pay for treats while we are there (she won’t accept food or other basics-anymore than we would if she was staying with us)

we are going to a a party while we are there and I’ve sorted a card,present and a bottle for the birthday girl (I’ve done it as I want to-my dp is more than capable if needed)

we’ll pull our weight with chores and I’ll definitely make cups of tea for everyone!

not a chance would we rock up,expect anyone to pay for us and just sit around while my lovely mil runs round after us

my kids often come and stay with us-they pitch in,I insist they don’t pay for food or other bits but without fail,they take us out for a meal to say thank you and they always strip beds and clear up before they go (we fight over who’s paying for their dogs food!we normally do it as ‘I’ll buy the tins and biscuits,you buy the treats and we’ll go halves on anything else)

and I wouldn’t have it any other way

Well done on getting rid of these cheeky fuckers!

KermitlovesKeyLimePie · 20/08/2022 11:44

You are such a super duper hero OP and the absolute epitome of what a strong independent woman should be.

Not to mention brave!

A total inspiration.

Did I mention that you are also a legend?

dropthevipers · 20/08/2022 11:49

I bet these cunts get invited to all sorts of places. Once.

Mountainpika · 20/08/2022 11:57

No, they won't be invited. They will tell people they are coming.
Once.

meercat23 · 20/08/2022 11:59

I am afraid I can believe it is true. I know a couple who boast that they have friends all over the world that they can holiday with and they frequently do. I know that they can behave in exactly the way described by the OP as they have done so to me on more than one occasion. Not for more than a few days though otherwise I might well have reacted just as the OP did.

Monkey2001 · 20/08/2022 12:00

You are your DH handled this brilliantly! What extraordinary behaviour and entitlement they displayed. They are probably too insensitive to have learned a lesson. Could have been fun to present them with a bill for B&B at normal local rate and meals/bar with a deduction for the shopping they "kindly" did at your expense if they thought they were staying at a hotel.

Hope you can look back on this and laugh with DP and DC.

sleepygal · 20/08/2022 12:02

I have a cf sd who sometimes asks to stay when visiting our town, she always comes empty handed, never strips the bed when asked and always leaves a mess for me to clear up. Sometimes she arranges to stay and then doesn't turn up if she gets a better offer. I don't like her much (mutual) but always say yes as otherwise she wouldn't see her father. It's a no win situation... There's a lot of it around.

Fraaahnces · 20/08/2022 12:03

I’m guessing they didn’t even strip the beds to help you with the washing… So pleased you have the house to yourselves again!

SummerLobelia · 20/08/2022 12:04

Fraaahnces · 20/08/2022 12:03

I’m guessing they didn’t even strip the beds to help you with the washing… So pleased you have the house to yourselves again!

Personally I hate people stripping the bed. I prefer to have them leave everything in situ for me to give a slight airing before the next CF guest.

[joke]

Truthfully though I prefer to do things in my own time and my own way so would rather people just vacate and leave.

Mummyoflittledragon · 20/08/2022 12:06

OhMerde · 20/08/2022 06:59

You host parties and expect guests to come laden with booze? That's really not what hosting a party means. In future, to avoid upsetting yourself, be clearer on the invite. Dear guest, I'm providing you all with a venue to get together but please bring your own food n drink. Something like that and then wait until absolutely no one turns up.

Show quote history

Lol. I decided to ‘budget’ for the last one as I was getting fed up of being taken for granted but dh liked doing the parties and so did I. That cost just over 600 Euros around 15 years ago btw so nowadays would be at least double. And @Trixiefirecracker yes, they were overnight. Damn right I know how to host. They didn’t know how to be guests.

I cannot understand this mentality but judging by your comments, there are a lot of people like that around, even into their mid 30s plus, as we were at the time.

Pemba · 20/08/2022 12:09

But she's your partner's daughter @sleepygal . I don't think she should have to arrive with flowers or wine like the average guest. Leaving a mess for you to deal with is out of order though, but what do you define as a mess? She probably knows she's unwelcome, that's sad.

iknowimcoming · 20/08/2022 12:13

Great news OP!

I think I'd leave it about a week then get your DH to message them "it was lovely to see you last week, me and dw were only saying last night how tired we are after working so hard recently and that we could really do with a holiday, could you let us know what dates would suit?" Grin

iknowimcoming · 20/08/2022 12:14

Great news OP!

I think I'd leave it about a week then get your DH to message them "it was lovely to see you last week, me and dw were only saying last night how tired we are after working so hard recently and that we could really do with a holiday, could you let us know what dates would suit?" Grin

NighghtmareNeighbour · 20/08/2022 12:16

sleepygal · 20/08/2022 12:02

I have a cf sd who sometimes asks to stay when visiting our town, she always comes empty handed, never strips the bed when asked and always leaves a mess for me to clear up. Sometimes she arranges to stay and then doesn't turn up if she gets a better offer. I don't like her much (mutual) but always say yes as otherwise she wouldn't see her father. It's a no win situation... There's a lot of it around.

Eh?? She’s visiting her DFs home. Why would she need to bring a gift? Leaving a mess isn’t really acceptable, but the rest is pretty normal I’d say. Surely when you married a man with children you realised that it would become “home” for the child as well as your DH🤷‍♀️

gettingolderandgrumpy · 20/08/2022 12:17

I can’t get my head round that they expected all food & drink to be covered by you on their stay , and the meal out how petty and tight fisted they are . Good god just be thankful they are gone and that you aren’t friends with these people . I imagine they don’t get invited out often the way they behave . Hopefully you saying something will make them re think how they behave . Mad as it sounds some people just don’t think as they are so entitled.

NighghtmareNeighbour · 20/08/2022 12:18

And well done op. You handled that amazingly.

AryaStarkWolf · 20/08/2022 12:25

sleepygal · 20/08/2022 12:02

I have a cf sd who sometimes asks to stay when visiting our town, she always comes empty handed, never strips the bed when asked and always leaves a mess for me to clear up. Sometimes she arranges to stay and then doesn't turn up if she gets a better offer. I don't like her much (mutual) but always say yes as otherwise she wouldn't see her father. It's a no win situation... There's a lot of it around.

🙄

shinynewapple22 · 20/08/2022 12:28

Your poor step daughter @sleepygal . Not feeling welcome in her dad's home Sad Surely you can see that your situation is absolutely nothing like the one that the OP is posting about?

shinynewapple22 · 20/08/2022 12:28

Your poor step daughter @sleepygal . Not feeling welcome in her dad's home Sad Surely you can see that your situation is absolutely nothing like the one that the OP is posting about?

Tillsforthrills · 20/08/2022 12:31

This has given me flashbacks to when I was younger, kinder and more naive. I put up with some shit that I would never allow now from in laws.

sleepygal · 20/08/2022 12:35

SD is not a child, she's in her 40's. She can visit / see her father whenever she wants, we often invite her, as well as her asking to stay. A bottle of wine when coming for a meal wouldn't go amiss, I don't drink but she does, and we always have plenty of food and drinks for guests. I put myself out for her but never feel it's appreciated. Who wouldn't get fed up with being a doormat while trying to facilitate a relationship with her father.

eish · 20/08/2022 12:41

I cannot actually believe that anyone would go to someone else's house and not lift a finger. Their excuse was bullshit.

HowzAboutIt · 20/08/2022 12:46

Apparently they didn’t realise they were needed to help out because they were on holiday and holidays are meant to be to relax.

Well if they usually pay nothing for an ill-inclusive break at a hotel, and when the bill comes walk off with barbed comments at the staff's daring to ask them for money, can you ask them where they stay? We will all book it!

sleepygal · 20/08/2022 12:49

shinynewapple22 · 20/08/2022 12:28

Your poor step daughter @sleepygal . Not feeling welcome in her dad's home Sad Surely you can see that your situation is absolutely nothing like the one that the OP is posting about?

It reminded me how rude and entitled house guests can be.

bewilderedhedgehog · 20/08/2022 12:50

Most people are fab. I do however remember lending my house to a couple overnight a few years ago and was a bit surprised that 10 GU puds were eaten in 24 hours! They are nice puds but really??!!

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