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AIBU?

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Original poster

CF Have come to stay - The morning after

638 replies

SeriouslyLosingTheWill · 19/08/2022 22:33

The first thread is full so I'll start a new one, in case there is a dramatic update in the morning.

I actually feel emotionally drained right now. I keep almost crying. Pathetic. Probably the wine thats doing that.

I'll be going to bed shortly and i'll update tomorrow if theres anything to add. I reckon they will be up early and go quietly though.

They don't drive a ford ranger (I remember that thread! haven't looked at a ford ranger driver the same since!) Its a bmw something or other.

Dp cleared up the kitchen and 1 dc (dd19) came down and helped, so thats all good. She then came out, gave me a little hug and said DP had explained about the food. She then lit up and offered me a cigarette (WTF! I don't smoke and although had an inkling wasn't sure she did) and said no ones perfect, everyone has failings. Honestly i'm in a parallel universe tonight.

Dp has put most of the beers away in the garage, just left in the fridge what was there. I do wonder if they will take them home.

Heres the first one if anyone wants to catch up as not sure I can give a proper summery right now www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4614982-cf-have-come-to-stay-how-to-handle-it?page=23&reply=119364945

OP posts:
blackpearwhitelilies · 20/08/2022 12:52

sleepygal · 20/08/2022 12:35

SD is not a child, she's in her 40's. She can visit / see her father whenever she wants, we often invite her, as well as her asking to stay. A bottle of wine when coming for a meal wouldn't go amiss, I don't drink but she does, and we always have plenty of food and drinks for guests. I put myself out for her but never feel it's appreciated. Who wouldn't get fed up with being a doormat while trying to facilitate a relationship with her father.

This seems completely reasonable to me. Like many others on this thread I take small gifts of appreciation when I go to my parents’ house. I also now do all the cooking and running around. I don’t think it’s out of order to hope for some small gesture of appreciation or kindness. And it’s bloody rude not to lift a finger in someone else’s house, whether you’re family or not.

figmaofmyimagination · 20/08/2022 12:55

I’m so glad they’ve gone, I bet your house feels amazing now!

figmaofmyimagination · 20/08/2022 12:56

I’m so glad they’ve gone, I bet your house feels amazing now!

Original poster
SeriouslyLosingTheWill · 20/08/2022 13:08

The only thing I can think is that perhaps they always stay in hotels and therefore think holidays are all like that.
but I also can’t believe both of them would reach the age they are at without realising a stay in someone’s home is very different.

We live and learn. I have certainly learnt to make sure there’s a leave date in place and to try and set some expectations when people visit. Although Ive never had this happen before. Every other time we’ve had guests it’s been, well, normal. And they said a few days so I assumed 3 or 4, maybe 5 at a push, which was fine had they not been CFs.

They didn’t strip beds but that’s ok as actually I prefer to do that anyway. And only time will tell if we have a wet wipe clog situation.

Its been a calm morning. I’ve explained to other dc about the confusion over dinner last night and all good.

DP has checked the beer fridge which had 5 I think left in it last night and they are gone! But maybe they drank them last night as opposed to taking them with them.

And yes it was petty of me putting the crisps and croissants in our room. But at the time I didn’t care, emotions were a little high.

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 20/08/2022 13:16

The only thing I can think is that perhaps they always stay in hotels and therefore think holidays are all like that.

but I also can’t believe both of them would reach the age they are at without realising a stay in someone’s home is very different.

Nah. Your first instinct that they’re lazy CFs was correct.

Of course they know it’s not cool to invite yourself to stay with someone, take no gifts, contribute no food or drink, make no effort and laze about.

They just aren’t used to being called out on it.

It was a face-saving excuse and nothing else.

Billybagpuss · 20/08/2022 13:17

You’d have known if they drank the beer last night, they’ve ‘Alf inched them.

Bananarama21 · 20/08/2022 13:20

sleepygal

I have a cf sd who sometimes asks to stay when visiting our town, she always comes empty handed, never strips the bed when asked and always leaves a mess for me to clear up. Sometimes she arranges to stay and then doesn't turn up if she gets a better offer. I don't like her much (mutual) but always say yes as otherwise she wouldn't see her father. It's a no win situation... There's a lot of it around.

See a daughter staying with her father is different to guest visiting, that's her dad why would she bring a gift everytime she stays at fathers.

Glad they gone op.

FlipFlopShopInHawaii · 20/08/2022 13:23

No way did they drink those beers last night, they definitely took them with them when they left.

5zeds · 20/08/2022 13:23

If they drank the beer last night the bottles would be there

Mumdiva99 · 20/08/2022 13:23

You are my hero of the day for how you handled this. Well done.

BruceAndNosh · 20/08/2022 13:26

5zeds · 20/08/2022 13:23

If they drank the beer last night the bottles would be there

Yep, they would have left the empties for the staff to clear away!

PrawnofthePatriarchy · 20/08/2022 13:26

You and DP are such 🌟! Congratulations for what seems to have been a really significant victory. Feel good about yourself - and about your lovely, united family.

Newgirls · 20/08/2022 13:30

SeriouslyLosingTheWill · 20/08/2022 13:08

The only thing I can think is that perhaps they always stay in hotels and therefore think holidays are all like that.
but I also can’t believe both of them would reach the age they are at without realising a stay in someone’s home is very different.

We live and learn. I have certainly learnt to make sure there’s a leave date in place and to try and set some expectations when people visit. Although Ive never had this happen before. Every other time we’ve had guests it’s been, well, normal. And they said a few days so I assumed 3 or 4, maybe 5 at a push, which was fine had they not been CFs.

They didn’t strip beds but that’s ok as actually I prefer to do that anyway. And only time will tell if we have a wet wipe clog situation.

Its been a calm morning. I’ve explained to other dc about the confusion over dinner last night and all good.

DP has checked the beer fridge which had 5 I think left in it last night and they are gone! But maybe they drank them last night as opposed to taking them with them.

And yes it was petty of me putting the crisps and croissants in our room. But at the time I didn’t care, emotions were a little high.

this reminded me of our neighbours who are very involved in the church and often stay with others - I assume for free - were your CF from a religious group?! It’s so alien to me that anyone could do this it’s fascinating behaviour. I’m sure our lovely neighbours would take gifts though.

enjoy the rest of of your CF-free weekend x

Salome61 · 20/08/2022 13:34

Well done you.

FeelingwearyFeeelingsmall · 20/08/2022 13:37

@SeriouslyLosingTheWill

you are an absolute goddess. Well done to you and your DP for confronting this and letting them know how unacceptable their behaviour was.

we had friends to stay last week. Not only did they turn up with goodies but they also took us out to dinner one night, paid for two biggish shops, tidied the kitchen after I cooked, unloaded the dishwasher every morning (which means things got put away in some very strange places, but I appreciate the thought), they drove out to replace and pay for the calor gas bottle when it ran out at breakfast and their two teenage sons pressure washed the drive. They were also very appreciative of the meals I cooked for them. They will always be welcome at our house - unlike your CFs.

Thissucksmonkeynuts · 20/08/2022 13:48

SummerLobelia my fil, who is in charge if house keeping, judges guests on how he perceives their cleanliness and changes or doesn't change the bedding accordingly. They have quite alot of of house guests, I don't like staying there.

Bordesleyhills · 20/08/2022 13:49

All I can say is freedom.... well done and relax.... you deserve it

rainbowstardrops · 20/08/2022 13:50

That was entertaining whether it was real or not! Brilliant!

SummerLobelia · 20/08/2022 13:51

Thissucksmonkeynuts · 20/08/2022 13:48

SummerLobelia my fil, who is in charge if house keeping, judges guests on how he perceives their cleanliness and changes or doesn't change the bedding accordingly. They have quite alot of of house guests, I don't like staying there.

Ick. [shudder].

I do always change the bedding, just to be clear it was a bad joke. I don't bother about matching anyhting though which one of DH's friend's commented negatively about last year. I nearly brained him with a rock pillow. (Was bloody tempted. He's an entitled fucker).

rainbowstardrops · 20/08/2022 13:51

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YellowDiamond · 20/08/2022 14:04

Well done Op ( and family; your DP and kids sound lovely) and well done to all the mumsnetters.

oakleaffy · 20/08/2022 14:08

@SeriouslyLosingTheWill
You are heroic!
Well handled!
I too had Cheeky Fuckery years ago, believe me, people take advantage-
If you give an inch, they’ll take a mile.

I’m so glad they went, and so 👏 for being brave and assertive.

Festoonlights · 20/08/2022 14:09

You absolutely deserve your stashed croissants, posh butter and crisps - you can toast the departure of your CF guests and celebrate the fact you will never ever see them again!

Your dh is very lucky to have you - I would have cracked on day 2!!!!

SalviaOfficinalis · 20/08/2022 14:12

You are my hero OP.

trytopullyoursocksup · 20/08/2022 14:24

This has all been marvellous, but I'm afraid I won't be able to consider the matter closed until we know whether the septic tank pulls through or not. How long needs to elapse before we can be sure? Thoughts and prayers.