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CF have come to stay, how to handle it

1000 replies

SeriouslyLosingTheWill · 19/08/2022 14:42

Have name changed as this will be very outing.

DP asked if some relatives could come and stay for a few days. These are actually relatives of his ex wife, not blood relatives to him, but he knew them a good few years ago. We live in a holiday type area and have the room.

I didn't know much about them except they were late thirties/early forties, apparently lovely. And have had a hard couple of years as their 9yo dd has been quite ill, but is now in recovery and things are looking good.
So of course I said yes. Sounds like they have had a crap time and needed a bit of a break from it all. Said they were coming just the 2 of them, not bringing their dd.

They arrived 4 days ago. Haven't yet said when they are leaving.

The issue is they are incredibly entitled and I really really am beginning to not like them. They arrived with nothing - not a bottle of wine or a bunch of flowers. not that I expect anything but its etiquette surely to arrive with a gesture when you're staying in someones house for free. But that in itself wasn't an issue, just a little surprising.
They were all smiles and hugging DP, saying hi and basically ignored me for a good 10 minutes, just a little hello after that. No word of thanks for saying we could come or anything at this point either.
They haven't offered to buy any food. Me and DP are cooking for them. Haven't bought any drink, though they've been getting through ours very well.
Initially I thought maybe they are skint. Also on my mind was it must be awful having an ill child and they are perhaps still a bit stressed on this.

A few days in, it transpires that during the last 8 months they have been abroad on holiday twice (just them, not their dd), and a week away with their dd. So not short of holidays or 'breaks from it all'. Plus they are thinking of having their kitchen remodelled.
Still not massively friendly with me. But over the top with DP. Still no word of thanks for anything, not even after cooking a meal.
The wife also put baby wipes down the toilet when i'd specifcally said nothing in the toilet please as its a septic tank and anything other than normal toilet roll blocks it (only mentioend because we've learnt that every time after guests the thing blocks because they put sanitary towels, toilet wipes and god knows what down it, and it costs us to get it unblocked). Her reason was, she always uses babywipes on her face. Well ok, put them in the damn bin then.

Last night was almost my final straw. We went out to dinner. Their suggestion. I had a slightly more expensive starter than the rest of them (but wasn't drinking, so that should surely even out). By more expensive it was about £5 more.
When bill comes, DP said lets split down the middle (actually fully thinking they would say their treat for their stay so far) and they fussed about me having the more expensive starter but grudgingly agreed even though I hadn't had alcohol and both of them had.

I mean, seriously. £5 more, and we've fed them for 4 days, they've drank copious bottles of wine and beer while they've done sod all to help out - no offer to clear up or anything, or help fetch food or drink in. Literally nothing.

If they are so seriously short of money, then don't drive a 4 hour journey and invite yourself to someones house and freeload. Although a kitchen remodel isn't cheap.

I want them to leave. DP is also getting really pissed off with them. They clearly didn't need the break after their shit couple of years because they've been abroad more in last 8 months than we have in 4 years. Plus we are far from rich, we are literally scraping by most of the time. Feel like we've totally been taken advantage of.

I want to find out when they are leaving and I need to try and tell them in the nicest possible way to hurry up and bugger off.
So any ways I can word this, without looking like a total bitch?

OP posts:
PeppaPigIsAnnoying · 19/08/2022 16:04

Who do they keep palming their young daughter on to?

I think your partner is a bit of a cock to agree to this. He must have at least known partly what they were like

ShirleyPhallus · 19/08/2022 16:04

SeriouslyLosingTheWill · 19/08/2022 15:52

Ok so heres how it went.

I popped outside and some small talk about how lovely and hot it is, and oh you're topping up your tan nicely blah de blah.

It then went along the lines of

ME: Trying to think what to have for dinner tonight. Teen1 and Teen2 are back today and thinking quite fancy a steak, what do you think?

CFs in unison: Oh lovely, steak would be great

ME: Perfect. I'm chokka with work at the moment, have another meeting in 5 minutes and dp is held up in his so might be late back. So if you'd pop to the shop and get the bits for it, that would be great. Just the 6 steaks and any bits you fancy to go with them, chips or salad or whatever, we're easy.
We're out of wine almost aswell, so maybe pick up some red while you're there. Not sure on the beer situation, can you check the fridge in garage, as think thats getting low now.

CF man: Oh um yeah, we don't know where the shops are from here.

Me: oh its dead easy, just turn right out of here, follow the road into town and theres a tesco about 5 miles along and if you carry on a bit further a sainsburys. You can't miss them. Thanks so much.

And I left.

They are still sat in the garden, so we'll see what happens. I've messaged dp to tell him I asked them to go to the shop. He said I hope you suggested filet steak.

Very non-doormatty, well done OP

if they’re still here tomorrow repeat with lobster and champagne

BruceAndNosh · 19/08/2022 16:05

The contents of their shopping basket will be
2 Fillet steaks ("the last ones in the shop" for themselves)
Tesco own brand frozen beefburgers for everyone else
Random sides which don't go together.

They will attempt to mollify you by saying " we realise that we have drunk all your wine so have bought you some to replace it" and present you with a bottle of red and one of white from Tesco's £5 range.
There will also be a decent bottle of chateau neuf du pape which mysteriously remains glued to their end of the dinner table tonight

PlentyOFool · 19/08/2022 16:06

BruceAndNosh · 19/08/2022 16:05

The contents of their shopping basket will be
2 Fillet steaks ("the last ones in the shop" for themselves)
Tesco own brand frozen beefburgers for everyone else
Random sides which don't go together.

They will attempt to mollify you by saying " we realise that we have drunk all your wine so have bought you some to replace it" and present you with a bottle of red and one of white from Tesco's £5 range.
There will also be a decent bottle of chateau neuf du pape which mysteriously remains glued to their end of the dinner table tonight

Bingo!

Sproutingpotatoes · 19/08/2022 16:06

SeriouslyLosingTheWill · 19/08/2022 15:57

They are now vacating their sun beds!

I'm too invested in this thread 😂

beastlyslumber · 19/08/2022 16:06

Wow they are cheeky fuckers! I agree with pp, just ask them (in front of everyone, at dinner) what time they're setting off in the morning.

If they say they're planning to stay longer, say, oh dear we must have got our wires crossed. Unfortunately we have plans tomorrow so we can't put you up here. But there are some lovely hotels nearby, I'm sure there'll be somewhere for you.

SeriouslyLosingTheWill · 19/08/2022 16:07

I think I might say something over our (hopefully) steak dinner tonight, along the lines of what a fantastic last dinner together, great choice, can't beat a good steak. What time do you need to leave tomorrow?

Thats ok isn't it. I'll have some responses planned for if they say they were not planning on leaving just yet. I'll blame dp for forgetting to tell them about having to visit my aunt this weekend or something.

Oh god, what if they suggest just staying here while we go and visit aunt?

OP posts:
ifIwerenotanandroid · 19/08/2022 16:07

Looking forward to hearing what CFery they get up to with the shopping. We need to start a sweepstake. We've already got:

no steaks, no wine

2 steaks just for them

3-4 small steaks

cheap suasages

Any more for any more? My suggestion: a couple of cheap ready meals as they 'couldn't find the steaks because different layout from our Sainsburys/Tesco at home'.

Oh, & well done, OP!

midgetastic · 19/08/2022 16:08

"That doesn't work for us "

ifIwerenotanandroid · 19/08/2022 16:08

SeriouslyLosingTheWill · 19/08/2022 16:07

I think I might say something over our (hopefully) steak dinner tonight, along the lines of what a fantastic last dinner together, great choice, can't beat a good steak. What time do you need to leave tomorrow?

Thats ok isn't it. I'll have some responses planned for if they say they were not planning on leaving just yet. I'll blame dp for forgetting to tell them about having to visit my aunt this weekend or something.

Oh god, what if they suggest just staying here while we go and visit aunt?

Auntie needs to visit you, OP, & stay overnight. Add in more reliies as necessary, to fill up your bedrooms.

LetsGoDoDoDo · 19/08/2022 16:09

Sproutingpotatoes · 19/08/2022 16:06

I'm too invested in this thread 😂

I came here to say this! 😆

BMW6 · 19/08/2022 16:09

Fantastic OP, I salute you !! 👏

littlefireseverywhere · 19/08/2022 16:09

My guess is they don’t get enough for any of you. Whatever you get for dinner tonight, definitely ask them what time leaving, say after breakfast works best for you!

Vikinga · 19/08/2022 16:10

Under no circumstances cook anything or buy anything more for them and they leave tomorrow morning. No excuses. They can drive home whenever.

I can't believe they didnt at least invite you for dinner, never mind haggling over a more expensive starter!

No need to be polite to those CFs! Doesn't matter what they say about you to the family

Scrapologist · 19/08/2022 16:11

Yes, definitely say someone's coming to visit you, not the other way around. Then if they somehow were to learn that no-one came to visit, well, unfortunately something came up at the last minute and they had to reschedule their visit.

PussGirl · 19/08/2022 16:11

Whatever they buy I expect they'll try to get you to reimburse them

or they'll eat out & bring you nothing

or they'll get a takeaway for themselves only

imaginationhasfailedme · 19/08/2022 16:11

SeriouslyLosingTheWill · 19/08/2022 16:07

I think I might say something over our (hopefully) steak dinner tonight, along the lines of what a fantastic last dinner together, great choice, can't beat a good steak. What time do you need to leave tomorrow?

Thats ok isn't it. I'll have some responses planned for if they say they were not planning on leaving just yet. I'll blame dp for forgetting to tell them about having to visit my aunt this weekend or something.

Oh god, what if they suggest just staying here while we go and visit aunt?

You're doing well, keep going!!!
Steel yourself for what they bring back. And if it's shite (as in, not something that's going to feed you all properly) do the old 'you'll be off then?'.
And if they suggest staying while you go out, look at them with a 😬and awkwardly chuckle 'hmm, that's a bit odd isn't it? No, we've got lots on over the next few days'.

viques · 19/08/2022 16:12

SeriouslyLosingTheWill · 19/08/2022 15:57

They are now vacating their sun beds!

QUICK! rush out and put your towels on them…….

frazzledasarock · 19/08/2022 16:12

They’re going to try and get you to pay them back. They’ll present you with the receipts.

PlentyOFool · 19/08/2022 16:12

SeriouslyLosingTheWill · 19/08/2022 16:07

I think I might say something over our (hopefully) steak dinner tonight, along the lines of what a fantastic last dinner together, great choice, can't beat a good steak. What time do you need to leave tomorrow?

Thats ok isn't it. I'll have some responses planned for if they say they were not planning on leaving just yet. I'll blame dp for forgetting to tell them about having to visit my aunt this weekend or something.

Oh god, what if they suggest just staying here while we go and visit aunt?

No. You have another set of guests coming tomorrow night. You thought DH had told them. Do a "everyone wants to visit us in August, it's a madhouse" tinkly laugh. I have to say my petty arse wouldn't be able to stop adding "but we don't mine because they're always so grateful, we eat like kings and stock the wine cabinet for the year!"

Creepymanonagoatfarm · 19/08/2022 16:12

After work jump straight in the bath. Text cf and suggest they let you know what time dinner will be ready as you are recharging in the tub!

PatsyJStone · 19/08/2022 16:13

How about other friends arriving tmro afternoon or kids friends staying over. I would just say, with DH present, that it is their last night & you need the room(s) free by midday so you can get everything sorted for the next guests.
As others have said don't cook, give them any alcohol etc. either tonight.
Be strong!

BruceAndNosh · 19/08/2022 16:13

definitely "assume" they are going tomorrow and ask them are they going before or after lunch?
"A few days" is 3 or 4 days , maximum 5 so reasonable assumption on your part.

If they cave but say they are leaving after lunch Great, there's a super local pub we can go to, They are paying, aren't they?

SeriouslyLosingTheWill · 19/08/2022 16:13

They still haven't left for the shop. Hopefully checking the beer fridge, which does need restocking.

We're not posh by the way, its a dilapidated rusty old fridge on its last legs which we use as a 'spare' at xmas and in summer for drinks when we have guests (who normally contribute to its contents).

OP posts:
AlisonDonut · 19/08/2022 16:14

Just go straight in at 8am tomorrow and start stripping the bed, as you have to get it washed and dried before your next guest arrives.

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