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CF have come to stay, how to handle it

1000 replies

SeriouslyLosingTheWill · 19/08/2022 14:42

Have name changed as this will be very outing.

DP asked if some relatives could come and stay for a few days. These are actually relatives of his ex wife, not blood relatives to him, but he knew them a good few years ago. We live in a holiday type area and have the room.

I didn't know much about them except they were late thirties/early forties, apparently lovely. And have had a hard couple of years as their 9yo dd has been quite ill, but is now in recovery and things are looking good.
So of course I said yes. Sounds like they have had a crap time and needed a bit of a break from it all. Said they were coming just the 2 of them, not bringing their dd.

They arrived 4 days ago. Haven't yet said when they are leaving.

The issue is they are incredibly entitled and I really really am beginning to not like them. They arrived with nothing - not a bottle of wine or a bunch of flowers. not that I expect anything but its etiquette surely to arrive with a gesture when you're staying in someones house for free. But that in itself wasn't an issue, just a little surprising.
They were all smiles and hugging DP, saying hi and basically ignored me for a good 10 minutes, just a little hello after that. No word of thanks for saying we could come or anything at this point either.
They haven't offered to buy any food. Me and DP are cooking for them. Haven't bought any drink, though they've been getting through ours very well.
Initially I thought maybe they are skint. Also on my mind was it must be awful having an ill child and they are perhaps still a bit stressed on this.

A few days in, it transpires that during the last 8 months they have been abroad on holiday twice (just them, not their dd), and a week away with their dd. So not short of holidays or 'breaks from it all'. Plus they are thinking of having their kitchen remodelled.
Still not massively friendly with me. But over the top with DP. Still no word of thanks for anything, not even after cooking a meal.
The wife also put baby wipes down the toilet when i'd specifcally said nothing in the toilet please as its a septic tank and anything other than normal toilet roll blocks it (only mentioend because we've learnt that every time after guests the thing blocks because they put sanitary towels, toilet wipes and god knows what down it, and it costs us to get it unblocked). Her reason was, she always uses babywipes on her face. Well ok, put them in the damn bin then.

Last night was almost my final straw. We went out to dinner. Their suggestion. I had a slightly more expensive starter than the rest of them (but wasn't drinking, so that should surely even out). By more expensive it was about £5 more.
When bill comes, DP said lets split down the middle (actually fully thinking they would say their treat for their stay so far) and they fussed about me having the more expensive starter but grudgingly agreed even though I hadn't had alcohol and both of them had.

I mean, seriously. £5 more, and we've fed them for 4 days, they've drank copious bottles of wine and beer while they've done sod all to help out - no offer to clear up or anything, or help fetch food or drink in. Literally nothing.

If they are so seriously short of money, then don't drive a 4 hour journey and invite yourself to someones house and freeload. Although a kitchen remodel isn't cheap.

I want them to leave. DP is also getting really pissed off with them. They clearly didn't need the break after their shit couple of years because they've been abroad more in last 8 months than we have in 4 years. Plus we are far from rich, we are literally scraping by most of the time. Feel like we've totally been taken advantage of.

I want to find out when they are leaving and I need to try and tell them in the nicest possible way to hurry up and bugger off.
So any ways I can word this, without looking like a total bitch?

OP posts:
SuperCamp · 19/08/2022 15:49

“Glad the weather has been good for your last day! Any plans before heading off in the morning? No rush from our end , my family / friend / penfriend isn’t arriving til after lunch”. When they look surprised / miffed “oh gosh, sorry , I thought DH had explained when you first organised this that we could only have you for 4 nights… oops, crossed wires, but it has been lovely having you!”

GetThatHelmetOn · 19/08/2022 15:50

I would just say “since I have been cooking for 4 days, I’ll let you takeover from now”.

If they refuse, just candidly say “so please remind me, a what time are you leaving tomorrow?” If they say they aren’t just say that you are sorry as there may be a misunderstanding as you have plans for the weekend.

SeriouslyLosingTheWill · 19/08/2022 15:52

Ok so heres how it went.

I popped outside and some small talk about how lovely and hot it is, and oh you're topping up your tan nicely blah de blah.

It then went along the lines of

ME: Trying to think what to have for dinner tonight. Teen1 and Teen2 are back today and thinking quite fancy a steak, what do you think?

CFs in unison: Oh lovely, steak would be great

ME: Perfect. I'm chokka with work at the moment, have another meeting in 5 minutes and dp is held up in his so might be late back. So if you'd pop to the shop and get the bits for it, that would be great. Just the 6 steaks and any bits you fancy to go with them, chips or salad or whatever, we're easy.
We're out of wine almost aswell, so maybe pick up some red while you're there. Not sure on the beer situation, can you check the fridge in garage, as think thats getting low now.

CF man: Oh um yeah, we don't know where the shops are from here.

Me: oh its dead easy, just turn right out of here, follow the road into town and theres a tesco about 5 miles along and if you carry on a bit further a sainsburys. You can't miss them. Thanks so much.

And I left.

They are still sat in the garden, so we'll see what happens. I've messaged dp to tell him I asked them to go to the shop. He said I hope you suggested filet steak.

OP posts:
Sproutingpotatoes · 19/08/2022 15:54

SeriouslyLosingTheWill · 19/08/2022 15:52

Ok so heres how it went.

I popped outside and some small talk about how lovely and hot it is, and oh you're topping up your tan nicely blah de blah.

It then went along the lines of

ME: Trying to think what to have for dinner tonight. Teen1 and Teen2 are back today and thinking quite fancy a steak, what do you think?

CFs in unison: Oh lovely, steak would be great

ME: Perfect. I'm chokka with work at the moment, have another meeting in 5 minutes and dp is held up in his so might be late back. So if you'd pop to the shop and get the bits for it, that would be great. Just the 6 steaks and any bits you fancy to go with them, chips or salad or whatever, we're easy.
We're out of wine almost aswell, so maybe pick up some red while you're there. Not sure on the beer situation, can you check the fridge in garage, as think thats getting low now.

CF man: Oh um yeah, we don't know where the shops are from here.

Me: oh its dead easy, just turn right out of here, follow the road into town and theres a tesco about 5 miles along and if you carry on a bit further a sainsburys. You can't miss them. Thanks so much.

And I left.

They are still sat in the garden, so we'll see what happens. I've messaged dp to tell him I asked them to go to the shop. He said I hope you suggested filet steak.

I can't wait to read what happens next! Brilliant. 😊👍🏼

RagzRebooted · 19/08/2022 15:54

Well done!

imaginationhasfailedme · 19/08/2022 15:55

We are ALL now invested in this. Please, please drop the 'what time are you guys off tomorrow morning then? Will you want a cup of tea or coffee before you go?'. If they're shocked, you can act shocked too - 'Oh, I thought that was the arrangement? Did DP forget to tell you we have plans?'

Peridot1 · 19/08/2022 15:55

Good for you! Can’t wait to see what they come back with. They sound unbearable.

CoffeeBeansGalore · 19/08/2022 15:56

Oh well done @SeriouslyLosingTheWill . Keep us posted!

Notanotherwindow · 19/08/2022 15:56

Well done. If they ask for money look at them like they're lunatics and say isn't it your turn?

imaginationhasfailedme · 19/08/2022 15:57

I'll bet the shop only had three or four steaks (little ones, at that)

EmergencyHepNeeded · 19/08/2022 15:57

That has really made me laugh. You have balls of steel! Now when they come back from the shop (with cheap sausages) say to them that you hope the journey back tomorrow won't be too bad for them. You're on a roll now, you can do it!

AlisonDonut · 19/08/2022 15:57

Surely it is only 4pm in the UK so they can still go tonight? And be home before it gets dark.

SeriouslyLosingTheWill · 19/08/2022 15:57

They are now vacating their sun beds!

OP posts:
Liz1tummypain · 19/08/2022 15:58

"I'm just menu planning for next week./ I'm doing a click and collect for X day/ Just wondering if you'll be here for tea tomorrow/ can you remind me when you were thinking would be your last day with us/ is it tomorrow you were thinking you'd be leaving/ which day was it you said you were staying til again? "

One of those should get you some kind of response. All the best.

NotaCoolMum · 19/08/2022 15:58

Good for you!! I bet they’ll say the shops were out of steaks and wine 🙄

PlentyOFool · 19/08/2022 15:58

imaginationhasfailedme · 19/08/2022 15:55

We are ALL now invested in this. Please, please drop the 'what time are you guys off tomorrow morning then? Will you want a cup of tea or coffee before you go?'. If they're shocked, you can act shocked too - 'Oh, I thought that was the arrangement? Did DP forget to tell you we have plans?'

This. The shite they come back with will help steel your resolve Grin

MaggieFS · 19/08/2022 15:58

Good for you OP! I can't believe how rude they've been. Curious to see how this will play out. Not sure if they'll go or brazen it out...

GetThatHelmetOn · 19/08/2022 15:59

Asking for steak was genius!

Lovethemarsbars · 19/08/2022 15:59

They pointed out your starter cost more than theirs. They can fuck off!

EmergencyHepNeeded · 19/08/2022 16:00

Liz1tummypain · 19/08/2022 15:58

"I'm just menu planning for next week./ I'm doing a click and collect for X day/ Just wondering if you'll be here for tea tomorrow/ can you remind me when you were thinking would be your last day with us/ is it tomorrow you were thinking you'd be leaving/ which day was it you said you were staying til again? "

One of those should get you some kind of response. All the best.

No, don't ask when they're leaving!

pinkfondu · 19/08/2022 16:00

Love it!!

MichelleScarn · 19/08/2022 16:00

They're going to come back with 2 steaks for them having wilfully understood aren't they!

MichelleScarn · 19/08/2022 16:01

Or get an emergency call when out so they have to leave ASAP!!

PlentyOFool · 19/08/2022 16:01

Liz1tummypain · 19/08/2022 15:58

"I'm just menu planning for next week./ I'm doing a click and collect for X day/ Just wondering if you'll be here for tea tomorrow/ can you remind me when you were thinking would be your last day with us/ is it tomorrow you were thinking you'd be leaving/ which day was it you said you were staying til again? "

One of those should get you some kind of response. All the best.

Don't do this! They'll never leave, and if they do cave and buy steaks, they'll just stick around until they've squeezed back out of you what they spent!

Just start going on about what time they're leaving on the morning and hope they don't hit any traffic. You have other guests on the way and could you please strip the bed so you can get them in the wash for them?

Liz1tummypain · 19/08/2022 16:03

PlentyOFool · 19/08/2022 16:01

Don't do this! They'll never leave, and if they do cave and buy steaks, they'll just stick around until they've squeezed back out of you what they spent!

Just start going on about what time they're leaving on the morning and hope they don't hit any traffic. You have other guests on the way and could you please strip the bed so you can get them in the wash for them?

Maybe I've just been lucky but I've never had to deal with anyone on this scale so I suspect any one of those would get the message across. It's up to the OP so just my thoughts on it.

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