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CF have come to stay, how to handle it

1000 replies

SeriouslyLosingTheWill · 19/08/2022 14:42

Have name changed as this will be very outing.

DP asked if some relatives could come and stay for a few days. These are actually relatives of his ex wife, not blood relatives to him, but he knew them a good few years ago. We live in a holiday type area and have the room.

I didn't know much about them except they were late thirties/early forties, apparently lovely. And have had a hard couple of years as their 9yo dd has been quite ill, but is now in recovery and things are looking good.
So of course I said yes. Sounds like they have had a crap time and needed a bit of a break from it all. Said they were coming just the 2 of them, not bringing their dd.

They arrived 4 days ago. Haven't yet said when they are leaving.

The issue is they are incredibly entitled and I really really am beginning to not like them. They arrived with nothing - not a bottle of wine or a bunch of flowers. not that I expect anything but its etiquette surely to arrive with a gesture when you're staying in someones house for free. But that in itself wasn't an issue, just a little surprising.
They were all smiles and hugging DP, saying hi and basically ignored me for a good 10 minutes, just a little hello after that. No word of thanks for saying we could come or anything at this point either.
They haven't offered to buy any food. Me and DP are cooking for them. Haven't bought any drink, though they've been getting through ours very well.
Initially I thought maybe they are skint. Also on my mind was it must be awful having an ill child and they are perhaps still a bit stressed on this.

A few days in, it transpires that during the last 8 months they have been abroad on holiday twice (just them, not their dd), and a week away with their dd. So not short of holidays or 'breaks from it all'. Plus they are thinking of having their kitchen remodelled.
Still not massively friendly with me. But over the top with DP. Still no word of thanks for anything, not even after cooking a meal.
The wife also put baby wipes down the toilet when i'd specifcally said nothing in the toilet please as its a septic tank and anything other than normal toilet roll blocks it (only mentioend because we've learnt that every time after guests the thing blocks because they put sanitary towels, toilet wipes and god knows what down it, and it costs us to get it unblocked). Her reason was, she always uses babywipes on her face. Well ok, put them in the damn bin then.

Last night was almost my final straw. We went out to dinner. Their suggestion. I had a slightly more expensive starter than the rest of them (but wasn't drinking, so that should surely even out). By more expensive it was about £5 more.
When bill comes, DP said lets split down the middle (actually fully thinking they would say their treat for their stay so far) and they fussed about me having the more expensive starter but grudgingly agreed even though I hadn't had alcohol and both of them had.

I mean, seriously. £5 more, and we've fed them for 4 days, they've drank copious bottles of wine and beer while they've done sod all to help out - no offer to clear up or anything, or help fetch food or drink in. Literally nothing.

If they are so seriously short of money, then don't drive a 4 hour journey and invite yourself to someones house and freeload. Although a kitchen remodel isn't cheap.

I want them to leave. DP is also getting really pissed off with them. They clearly didn't need the break after their shit couple of years because they've been abroad more in last 8 months than we have in 4 years. Plus we are far from rich, we are literally scraping by most of the time. Feel like we've totally been taken advantage of.

I want to find out when they are leaving and I need to try and tell them in the nicest possible way to hurry up and bugger off.
So any ways I can word this, without looking like a total bitch?

OP posts:
MsGrumpytrousers · 19/08/2022 15:24

Do NOT ask them when they are leaving. Copy what people have suggested and tell them they need to leave by lunchtime tomorrow as you have other plans. Think up something convincing and then learn it. Go to the bathroom and practise saying it out loud!

SeriouslyLosingTheWill · 19/08/2022 15:24

Right, i'm going to ask them to go to the shops. No idea why this is stressing me out so much!

OP posts:
1FootInTheRave · 19/08/2022 15:26

They are hideous!

Get a bloody backbone woman. Your dh could do with one too.

swedex · 19/08/2022 15:26

You can do it! They sounds bloody awful

Boomboomboomboom · 19/08/2022 15:26

You say "what time are you leaving tomorrow morning?"
Then if say they were expecting to stay longer "Oh I'm sorry, I thought you were leaving then, unfortunately you cannot stay any longer because you're fucking cheeky fuckers we are out all day and have friends staying for dinner." etc. Or something like that

BorsetshireBanality · 19/08/2022 15:27

They got sympathy for their DD being ill
and they’ve been milking it for all they can!

Tell them they need to make alternative accommodation arrangements as the Freeloader hotel is closing soon due to cook/chambermaid/waitress going on strike!

AM453 · 19/08/2022 15:28

Entitled pair you've got lounging around your house. I would have been giving them dirty looks all day and they would have packed their bags and left without me even asking.

Sproutingpotatoes · 19/08/2022 15:30

SeriouslyLosingTheWill · 19/08/2022 14:55

I would be blunt and just tell them to leave and in all honesty i'm almost at that point. But from dp's point of view, they are sort of relatives as related to his DC and if I just think I asked them to go i'd look like the real bad guy, especially after their child has been ill. I'd come across as a heartless bitch. so need to do it in a way where they get the message loud and clear but I don't get painted as the villain.

But actually they have rarely mentioned their DD, except when i've asked after them. Its really weird.

yes at dinner I did say, well I didn't have alcohol. But apparantly the 2 shared bottles don't count, because it was 'shared'.

Having a sick child is truly awful but it doesn't give you a licence to freeload off other people. I think as they're ex relatives of your DP, he needs to do the dirty work. It can all be really friendly and light and he can just say, 'when were you thinking of heading back?' If they say they don't know or they suggest a day any further away than 48 hours, he can just say, 'we have plans on XYZ so we'll have to say goodbye to you by XYZ. Obviously, if you want to stay in the area, there's some lovely B&Bs near by...'

Batmannequin · 19/08/2022 15:32

Iknowforsure1 · 19/08/2022 15:21

OP, my blood is boiling. Can you please go and tell them to leave this very moment. I’ll feel better than lol

😂 yes! I need to see this resolved satisfactorily.

CecilyP · 19/08/2022 15:34

if I just think I asked them to go i'd look like the real bad guy, especially after their child has been ill. I'd come across as a heartless bitch. so need to do it in a way where they get the message loud and clear but I don't get painted as the villain.

They seem to have milked the idea of their DD being Ill but are more than happy to go away without her. You don’t have to host these wealthy but mean people any longer. Use any excuse to get rid. And any other time your thinking of hosting (not these people obviously) always set an end date.

ifIwerenotanandroid · 19/08/2022 15:35

Good luck, OP. I agree with asking them what time they're leaving tomorrow rather than asking how much longer they want to stay - a bit like a car salesman, when you've done the test drive, asking what colour you want the new car in, as opposed to allowing the possibility of your NOT buying a new car.

Be prepared for them to turn a bit nasty. We once had guests whom I came to loathe (the husband, anyway) & just as I was looking forward to them going the next day, he announced that they wanted to stay an extra night. DH started to say OK then caught sight of my face & said, "No, sorry, we can't." The next day the husband waited till he & I were alone in the house as they were leaving, & said something insulting. All contact was dropped after that.

Zonder · 19/08/2022 15:35

Hope they're off to Waitrose already and come back with some lush treats.

Nanny0gg · 19/08/2022 15:35

SeriouslyLosingTheWill · 19/08/2022 15:01

They are currently sunbathing in the garden. I'm working from home. DP is out on a work appointment for the next couple of hours. No doubt they will expect dinner when i'm finished.

I know I sound like a total doormat. I just find it hard to be rude to people, or blunt, especially with the family connection to DC. But you're right. I will ask them later when they are leaving and I'll tell DP if they can't give a date within the next 2 days we will tell them to go.

I might also be so bold as to ask them to go to the shops for dinner supplies and alcohol as both me and DP are working. And not offer any money for it.

I'd tell them that you're both busy tonight and won't be cooking and give them the name of a couple of pubs.

PlentyOFool · 19/08/2022 15:36

Zonder · 19/08/2022 15:35

Hope they're off to Waitrose already and come back with some lush treats.

Sure they are 😂 More like Blue Nun and Fray Bentos pies...

Sally872 · 19/08/2022 15:36

Go out for dinner with dh and let them sort themselves out.

When you come back dh can tell them "thanks for visiting but we need our space back now. Please make arrangements to leave tommorow morning"

You wont see them agaij and their opinion of you doesn't matter.

Funkyslippers · 19/08/2022 15:37

You don't need to be rude or blunt per se, but just be honest with them. I have no idea why you didn't reply when they were fussing over splitting the bill in the restaurant. They'd already created an uncomfortable situation so I would definitely have stood up for myself. I hope things work out and you'll have more confidence to stand up for yourself in future

ifIwerenotanandroid · 19/08/2022 15:39

OP needs to steel herself for when they ask for money for the shopping.

Heckythump1 · 19/08/2022 15:39

Pretty certain you and DH have got a meal booked friends tonight, no? And then Auntie Carol is arriving tomorrow afternoon, yes?
Get the cheeky buggers gone!

Spanisheomellletttes · 19/08/2022 15:39

We just had non-CF guests stay, and oh my giddy aunt, they were amazing. They were with us for two days and we barely knew them. They bought so much food, they helped with meal prep, washed dishes up and vacuumed, and they shouted us lunch out. And we had some great conversations.

I realise, now I have this family to compare to, how much people take advantage when they do stay. I don't know how you are going to get rid of them, OP, but you would not be unreasonable in making it clear that that they are no longer welcome, and that their behaviour is completely unreasonable.

FlissyPaps · 19/08/2022 15:40

Wow. Of course YANBU

Total cheeky bastards. They sound awful. Their poor DD.

I’d say to them “Me & DH have plans next week so you will need to be packed up and ready to leave by X o’clock on X day”.

EmergencyHepNeeded · 19/08/2022 15:41

I would tell them that they have to leave in the morning. Act surprised and say that you thought that's when they were going anyway so do you have friends arriving.

You could even just go upstairs first thing and strip the beds and if they ask what is happening so I'm just getting it ready for John and Jane as they're arriving at lunchtime. Plead ignorance and just say that you thought that's when they were leaving.

ifIwerenotanandroid · 19/08/2022 15:41

OP could just pretend it was agreed in advance that they would leave tomorrow. Or tomday.

ifIwerenotanandroid · 19/08/2022 15:42

... today...

TokyoTen · 19/08/2022 15:46

Why on earth would you agree to have people to stay without agreeing a leaving date first? Genuinely perplexed, I start counting down the days as soon as they arrive!

However, as they are really cheeky - actually beyond cheeky - a breezy what time are you off on Saturday (or Sunday) whichever days you decide. If they look shocked say "Yes, wasn't it mentioned, we're going away so will need to get everything sorted in advance".

viques · 19/08/2022 15:47

I think a brisk “ do you want an alarm call tomorrow morning because I expect you will want to get off early to avoid the traffic” will give them a heads up. Either that or “ don’t bother to strip the bed in the morning, OH will do it while I do an online shop to restock the fridge”.

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