DW wants a cleaner

[lightcurtains]

We've just had a baby a few weeks ago.
I am going back to work next week.
DW wants us to hire a cleaner while she is on mat leave to come in each week.

I don't like the thought of someone I don't know in the house going into each room etc, so I've never really liked the thought of having a cleaner.

Not sure if I'm being unreasonable?

My mistake. Is your only objection the ‘stranger being in my house’ when no one’s at home’ thing, then the compromise is that someone stays home when the cleaner does the cleaning.

I hate cleaning and if I could afford one, I’d have one.

I too don't like the idea of someone in my home, picking up my stuff etc etc.

But we had cleaners around the time each of our 3 dc were born. I simply had no headspace for it.

@lightcurtains

I'd be annoyed if my partner wouldn't let us have a cleaner for this reason.

Get recommendations from a friend or a neighbour about someone reliable. Maybe they could initially come at the weekend so you can be around for the first couple of sessions?

OP I don't really like the idea of a stranger in my house either, but in your shoes I think I'd try and get past it. You and DW will have a lot going on. You're both up in the night and this is likely to continue as you're the one who's lactating, you had a difficult birth, you're going back to work pretty soon after an EMCS and liable to need a lot of support, plus you have a dog too. If you can afford it I'd try and be kind to yourselves. Those few months after an emergency section are so hard.

I did read your reasons for why she's taking the bigger chunk of leave but surely you should be taking the time until you're actually recovered fully from the birth?

OP, a good cleaner will clean precisely the areas you request, to the standard you ask, using the products you prefer/provide. It'll take a bit of communication at first, but should be smooth after that.

It sounds like bathroom, kitchen, floors are on the list - sit with your wife and have fun working out which tasks you most want help with.

ps. Congratulations to you both!

Love the nastiness from the posters thinking OP was a man 😂.

I also don't like the thought of having strangers in my house. I'm on maternity leave at the mo and quite honestly the house looks chuffing awful. We can't afford a cleaner but I think the only rooms I'd be happy with having a cleaner deal with is the kitchen, living room and maybe the bathroom as it's difficult to find time to do.

My baby doesn't give me much time to catch up with the housework and my toddler ruins any other spare time I have to do anything. If you can afford one, it might be worth having someone in for a few hours one day a week to see whether it actually does make things easier for both of you. If it's not making much difference or you feel uncomfortable then you could review after a couple of months.

I wasn't assuming that you don't clean. Your objection to getting a cleaner would mean, even if you split the cleaning 50-50, that your wife would still have to do cleaning she doesn't want to do for the sole reason that you are being weird about getting a cleaner, unless you agreed to do it for her instead. Basically, if it's your irrational hang-up that means your wife can't employ a cleaner, you should be responsible for doing whatever the cleaner would have done.

Think of it like this: you are knackered and really, really don't want to cook a meal and then wash up, so suggest ordering a takeaway. Your wife says 'No, takeaways are weird, we're not having one in the house. No good reason, I just don't like the idea of takeaway food entering our kitchen. It creeps me out.' You say 'OK, well, I'm definitely too tired to cook, but if you're happy to do it, that's fine.' Your wife then says 'Er, no? We split things evenly. Now peel those spuds while I chop the onions.' That would be totally unfair. Same applies in your cleaning situation.

As others have said, your wife will generally be there when the cleaner comes. It's not weird for the cleaner for there to be someone home while they're cleaning. That's normal. Lots of people have a cleaner while working from home, for example.

If it allows you to help with the baby and enjoy them growing up yes get a cleaner

OP I appreciate you coming back with an update and setting the record straight about your wife not being lazy because these comments were pissing me off to be honest.

After reading your updates, it seems to me that your only objection to the cleaner is that you're not comfortable with a stranger in your house but there are so many ways around that and I think you can make the compromise.

Also, If you were the one that carried the baby, had a c-section and still recovering I would have thought that the cleaner suggestion would have come from you? Having had 2 sections myself, you don't even have to explain to me how difficult recovery can be; I KNOW.

I'm really still confused to say the least but good luck and I hope you and your DW can settle this amicably.

@lightcurtains congratulations to you and your Dw on having a baby! I hope you recover quickly from the c section,

I have used cleaners for many years due to disability and most cleaners are absolutely fine with the client being in the home while they work. Others posters have already suggested making a list and it’s a good idea to discuss exactly what you’d like help with. Hopefully, you’ll find a helpful person who will make your house sparkle

Because that’s how it works in 99% of households.

i do get the stranger in home thing, i had a cleaner while pregnant as it was too much to do anything other than clear up my sick somedays , but i didn't want someone in every room so she only did hall stairs and landing as carrying vacuum dusting skirting etc. was beyond me, kitchen, main bathroom and downstairs living room, focusing on the bits that take more time and effort like vacuuming under furniture, however my bedroom and ensuit was not on her list nor kids rooms, as i couldn't manage the half hour tidying needed before she could get in , if i stripped beds and left sheets in hall she'd throw them in machine, if load in machine already shed put them to dry , it was what we agreed on , it was nice knowing at least once a week everything was sparkling downstairs, i kept her on after baby arrived for id say a year or more, as often the bigger jobs didn't get done well. Anything i wanted kept away was stored in bedrooms.

I just think if OP is shortly to be combining paid work with EMCS recovery and breastfeeding, she is going to need a loooooot of support and cannot assume she'll be able to do anything much else. In fact I don't think it would be reasonable to expect that. It'll be exhausting. With that in mind, I can see why DW doesn't fancy doing childcare all day, some wakeups and the housework too.

@10HailMarys I’m not sure one person preferring to get in help rather than doing a chore, then means that the other partner has to either agree to the help or do all of that chore themselves. These are decisions you make as a couple, taking various factors and both your preferences into consideration.

I’d love not to have to cook at all during the week, and we could technically afford to pay for someone to do it, the fact that we don’t hire a cook because it wouldn’t be a good use of money, doesn’t mean my wife therefore must do ALL the cooking in the week!!

In fairness, it depends on the baby, @Annaritanna. If your baby will stay asleep, for a reasonable amount of time, when you put them down, then yes, you can get cleaning jobs done. But ds1 would take sleep for more than 10 minutes in his Moses basket - he would only sleep for longer lengths of time if I was holding him. It really did make it hard to get any housework jobs, apart from the quickest ones.

meant to say most of pre birth i was there in bed at the time resting , often after birth i was there in house or childminder was there too , no issue with me being there, only issue was when baby got more active we had to get them out from under cleaners feet

@lightcurtains
If you get the right person then you can ask them to do what suits.
My preference was for a quick hoover round everywhere and a deep clean in one room each week. So everywhere got done in rotation. Cleaners don't generally do washing but if you are employing them you could specify that you wanted them to wash or iron.

None, but the pile-on was quite a sight with everyone assuming they were male.

😂

Perhaps if you'd RTFT , you wouldn't have made the ridiculous error 🙄

That was such a deliberate drip feed OP 🙄

We got a cleaner a few years ago. It us really good.
Cleaners are great

you can choose which rooms you dont want cleaned and i think its quite normal to be in the house whilst theyre there

Give up work for a year yourself and ask her to fund a cleaner during that time.

YABU.

Unless you do quite a lot of the cleaning & housework yourself.