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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DW wants a cleaner

363 replies

lightcurtains · 19/08/2022 11:33

We've just had a baby a few weeks ago.
I am going back to work next week.
DW wants us to hire a cleaner while she is on mat leave to come in each week.

I don't like the thought of someone I don't know in the house going into each room etc, so I've never really liked the thought of having a cleaner.

Not sure if I'm being unreasonable?

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 19/08/2022 13:00

Having read your update, I still think it is unreasonable of you to refuse to have a cleaner, @lightcurtains. Even though your wife isn't recovering from the c-section, or doing night time feeds, it is still an all-consuming, exhausting job looking after a baby. And it is not easy to find enough time - in decent chunks - to do cleaning/housework. When I had ds1, I used to put him down in his Moses basket, and dash off to clean the kitchen or sort the washing or whatever - and if I was lucky, I'd get half way through before he woke up and I had to drop whatever I was doing, and see to him. There was no way I could get enough time to do a really good clean, even just once a week.

Re: cleaners being in the house - I'm at home when our cleaners come - I shut myself and the dogs away in one room, and they just get on with the cleaning.

And given the sheer amount that they manage to get done in the time, I am absolutely sure that they aren't spending time looking at my home and judging things.

DifficultBloodyWoman · 19/08/2022 13:00

Illstartexercisingtomorrow · 19/08/2022 12:53

Why is your partner the one on mat leave when you have had surgery and are breastfeeding? It sounds like you’ve got a raw deal!!

Misses point of thread

This.

I didn’t think it was possible/legal for her to get maternity leave. Parental leave, yes, but that is quite different to maternity leave in time and money.

But it is great that you are so inclusive, OP, by saying ‘we had a baby’ in your OP rather than ‘I just gave birth’ which is what most women in your position would say.

AtrociousCircumstance · 19/08/2022 13:01

Here’s a tip: respect your wife’s needs and wishes over some half-baked personal reluctance based in ignorance that overrides her.

Topgub · 19/08/2022 13:01

@Pixiedust1234

Yeah a bit.

Although I accept thats mostly irrational.

DoItAfraid · 19/08/2022 13:03

Topgub · 19/08/2022 12:30

@Pixiedust1234

Or maybe the ops wife is just a bit lazy?

Maybe it's her who is shit at cleaning

@DoItAfraid

Why does having a baby mean you can't still do 50/50?

How do you think most people manage?!

The idea that it is impossible to do housework and look after a baby is nonsense.

Christ we managed to work almost full time, do housework and look after 2 under 3.

@Topgub

good for you.

i did too. FYI.

but THIS wife is asking for help and that is what is being discussed. We dont care what YOU did - rhe OP needs to consider their own situation.

Topgub · 19/08/2022 13:03

The ops wife might not be on mat leave.

They might just be unemployed

That would explain why the op is going back to work.

I'd suggest rather than getting a cleaner the ops wife gets a job and they spilt all work equally

InChocolateWeTrust · 19/08/2022 13:03

Are you saying that everyone who employs a cleaner, a nanny, a gardener etc is lazy? What a manly thing to say 😂

Most people who employ those people do so because they are both working.

It's a bit different when you essentially have a SAHP.

Topgub · 19/08/2022 13:04

@DoItAfraid

Meh.

I was responding to the nonsense comments saying it was impossible to do housework if you have a baby, not giving lifestyle advice

PearlclutchersInc · 19/08/2022 13:05

Would you like to get your pinny on and do the legwork?

Not sure what your issue is tbh

AppleBottomRats · 19/08/2022 13:06

Topgub · 19/08/2022 13:03

The ops wife might not be on mat leave.

They might just be unemployed

That would explain why the op is going back to work.

I'd suggest rather than getting a cleaner the ops wife gets a job and they spilt all work equally

It says in the OP that she is on mat leave.

girlmom21 · 19/08/2022 13:06

Topgub · 19/08/2022 13:03

The ops wife might not be on mat leave.

They might just be unemployed

That would explain why the op is going back to work.

I'd suggest rather than getting a cleaner the ops wife gets a job and they spilt all work equally

If you read the op you'll see she's on mat leave

Annaritanna · 19/08/2022 13:06

I do not have a cleaner because we cannot afford it.
My idea is always that if you want a cleaner to have an easier everyday life and you can afford it....go for it!

But please stop with all the posts "it is impossible to clean while in mat leave!!!" because it is flat out not true. Babies under 1 sleep a lot. And the wife is not recovering from birth and not recovering from the hormonal roller coaster which is pregnancy and breastfeeding.

WhereAreMyAirpods · 19/08/2022 13:06

don't like the thought of someone I don't know in the house going into each room etc, so I've never really liked the thought of having a cleaner.

You do the cleaning then. Problem solved.

Our cleaner has been with us for ages and is no longer someone I don't know. She is a very valued asset and does the jobs I loathe and detest doing.

Eumy · 19/08/2022 13:07

So I’m in a same sex couple with a 6 month old, and I’m the one on Mat leave at home with the baby. We have a cleaner once a fortnight, and it’s been a lifesaver. I do spot cleaning when I can, but believe me when I say it’s not possible to look after a baby and do all the cleaning.

Most cleaners are professionals, and just get on with cleaning. I’m home when they are cleaning and I just move out their way. They just do a surface clean so it’s not like they are looking in drawers or anything. If that’s what you’re worried about.

Find a well recommended cleaning company and treat your wife!

Zone2NorthLondon · 19/08/2022 13:07

The op elaborated further after 1st post that she’s the new bf mum.post CS and returning to work.
it was not apparent in first post what the situation is

Original poster
lightcurtains · 19/08/2022 13:08

@DifficultBloodyWoman
Yes it is shared parental leave. I said Mat leave by mistake. It's classed as shared parental leave. Or some places call it family leave.

OP posts:
Branleuse · 19/08/2022 13:08

You do get over the discomfort of having someone in your house to an extent when you have the joy of a clean house.
I think having a cleaner saves many peoples marriages

Topgub · 19/08/2022 13:10

Are you taking an equal amount each?

PatientlyWaiting21 · 19/08/2022 13:12

Are you going to do the cleaning?

DappledOliveGroves · 19/08/2022 13:12

We got a cleaner when DD was three weeks old and I couldn't be without her. Trying to stay on top of housework with a baby is tricky. Plus babies create so much more mess and chaos. Normally either DP or I is home when the cleaner comes - we just stay out of her way. Other times we both go out and leave her to it. She's Spanish, speaks little English and I can't see she'd have the slightest inclination to look at any documents or paperwork or be at all nosy - she has other houses to clean after our one and she has her headphones on and head down when she's cleaning.

Jaxhog · 19/08/2022 13:13

Most cleaners will be fine with someone else being there. I've worked from home for years and my cleaner(s) have never had a problem with me being there.

Original poster
lightcurtains · 19/08/2022 13:14

For those asking why I am not on the leave - I earn more than DW and I can do less hours so it makes sense for me to go back to work out of the 2 of us.

I don't have anything sinister in the house that I'd be afraid a cleaner would find! It's just the thought of someone I don't know being in the house. That's all.
I'd feel more comfortable if DW was at home while the cleaner was here I think.

OP posts:
Original poster
lightcurtains · 19/08/2022 13:15

PatientlyWaiting21 · 19/08/2022 13:12

Are you going to do the cleaning?

We both do the cleaning.

OP posts:
BeechFairy · 19/08/2022 13:16

@lightcurtains
It was me that mentioned your DW being in. It's absolutely not unusual.
I had a cleaner when my DC were born and was almost always at home.
Also when I was having treatment for breast cancer.
I would just move to another room when they wanted to do the one I was in.
Someone also suggested you could exclude your bedroom if you wanted.
Thing is the cleaner is employed to do whatever you require. What would be the biggest help?

LemonSwan · 19/08/2022 13:16

Complicated.

I think your doing a lot. Recovering from birth, breastfeeding and pumping, and returning to work. It’s a lot.

I think in those circumstances your wife should step up and do ALL the cleaning.

Controversial probably and not my usual opinion but it’s quite unique situation you have there.