To think we don't need a formula feeding month

[LilacSky95]

I have seen a couple of mum 'influencers' on Instagram writing posts about how it's not fair we have breastfeeding month when so many mums can't/didn't breastfeed, and we should start a formula feeding month too.

AIBU to think this is totally unnecessary?

Disclaimer - Not looking to start a breast v bottle debate

That HV should be struck off for putting the lives of two vulnerable babies at risk never mind allowing the emotional trauma to you escalate to the point it did.

Its horrifying that this happened to you and your babies. I can’t even begin to work out how the HV thought what she was allowing to happen was justified.

And it’s also horrifying that new mothers are so consumed by the pressure that they feel like they have lost their voice. HCPs cannot force a mother to only breastfeed or give expressed milk and they cannot tell a mother not to give formula, but sadly as in cases like yours, mothers can be too vulnerable and broken down to realise they have the right to make their own decisions about feeding their own babies.

It’s terrifying all round actually. The vulnerability of new mothers when it comes to feeding difficulties is so underestimated and I imagine PND and long term emotional trauma are the result of new mothers feeding decisions, and the emotions they are wrapped up in that, being controlled by others

personally I’m still a bit fed up and upset after several years at the approach taken by the midwives on the post natal ward that led me to walk out 21 hours after a section because they refused to acknowledge my personal choices. I had stated quite clearly that DS was welcome to the breast for a few hours after delivery to give him a few shots of colostrum as an immune boost but I was absolutely not going to offer breast past that stage. It was an informed choice having been bullied into BF his sibling many years before and hating every second of it I was certain of my plan. I sent his father to go sort a bottle out and they swarmed in on me like the gestapo and one even had the cheek to touch my breast and try to shove it into DS face! I was furious and told her to Fuck off. I was hot and in pain and I told them he was hungry and needed a proper feed I also did not want my tits out in a room full of people. I knew if I let him continue to latch I’d end up with a much worse amount of pain and leakage in the days to come and I’d been through quite enough thank you. Anyway, between this altercation and their previous catalogue of balls ups that nearly cost us our lives they agreed to let me go home soon after that. It was an unnecessary addition to the existing trauma of those days and it still makes me angry now to think of it .
so BF support should be there for those who want it but there should not be be any pressure on those of us who have our reasons for refusing it .

I am struggling to keep up with everything but just wanted to add @Faciadipasta you are not alone, I so identify with so much of your journey.
I had to delete some pictures of my daughter, I cried over how thin she looked in retrospect.
When we just FF her she went from the 9th to the 99th centile. The guilt was horrendous.
My daughter ended up Ill and I ended up suicidal all through trying to pursue breastfeeding. She still has to see a paediatrician now through health problems caused by breastfeeding related malnutrition though thankfully it’s getting better now.

FF being promoted is absolute bollocks- I had no idea about how much to give her, what teat size, what was normal or not and no one will tell you either.
There would probably be fewer illnesses associated with FF if HCP actually gave people proper advice.

@Papyri I'm so sorry. That's awful to hear. Long term issues caused by the malnutrition is one of my biggest fears. I'm not aware of any issues in my children (although they are both quite small) so hopefully we got lucky. I'm very glad to hear your daughter is getting better now.

@Theneverendingtories I have an inverted nipple so my daughter would not latch. However, the worst midwife I had told me that I would not be discharged until I had BF three times. Luckily, my husband was there and told her that I would feed our daughter twice, however I seem fit, and then he would be coming back to collect us (Covid times) and we'd be walking out of that hospital whether she discharged us or not. I am so glad that he was there to advocate for me because after three days of no sleep with giving birth added into the mix, I was tired, I was exhausted and I was emotionally drained.

The midwife would not show me what to do with formula. Luckily, we'd bought the ready made bottles. Looking back now, I definitely had PND (albeit mild) and I put it down to that midwife and even now, I still feel so angry/upset by it all!

My point is people can be upset about whatever they like - if they are upset, they are upset. You shouldn't be trying to shut them up. I was upset at being pushed to FF. If someone had 'reassured me' that despite all my research and BFing being important to me (to me the health benefits were worth it, they don't have to be 'enormous' to be worth it just significant) that actually I was getting upset over nothing, that would have completely invalidated me and indeed gaslit me as during pregnancy the benefits of breastfeeding were explained and the message 'breast is best'.

I’m sorry to hear this! And yes , I think when we are that tired and that vulnerable we are so easily affected by other people’s behaviour so what might sound minor to someone outside of that situation can cut really deep in the moment and properly fuck your head up. I’m glad my childbearing days are behind me . I had terrible experiences at both births and also at the news one of mine had passed away in the second trimester was handled terribly too. I’m lucky my kids are so healthy because just going near a hospital maternity unit ( which are invariably next to paediatrics and a&e ) always makes me feel like I’m going to throw up! I can’t even watch births or labouring women on tv . I’m sorry that MW ruined your experience too! I totally understand. Who’d be a woman eh? X

@Overthisnow98 Thankyou for your lovely message

I'm so sorry to hear of your experiences too I haven't read the full thread so apologies if you've written this already but have you had any support for what you've been through?

I had many midwives throughout pregnancy and labour/aftercare (Covid has a lot to answer for!!) who were all so kind and supportive. However, that one midwife is the one that I remember the most and all for the negative reasons!

I'm so sorry to hear what you went through. It is odd because in my experience FF is pushed once the baby is born not BFing. The push by the midwives for me to bottle feed really affected my mental health. I think the wish of the mother (if she has a preference) should be accepted (unless of course FF is needed for the baby's health.)

Not the same at all really.
I think most rational people would agree that, in the U.K., where we have access to good sanitation, formula feeding is fine.

However, people also need to remember that breast milk was designed for babies! There is no getting away from that.

Fed is best. But, breastfeeding rates are low and so a formula feeding week is unnecessary.

What about a mothers mental health week? Or a how to support a new mum week? Or a red flags before having children week? Much more useful.

Maybe I'm being sensitive, but disability awareness month has just slipped by without being acknowledged, in favour of extending pride month another month.
But posters ignoring my posts and saying breast is best etc need to acknowledge that a lot of babies are unable to feed, and they are prioritising chastising mums who choose not to bf over providing helpful information for those that can't.

I know it's convenient of you to think we're an anomaly but twenty percent of the UK have a disability so we can't be hand waved away when it doesn't fit the narrative.