To think we don't need a formula feeding month

[LilacSky95]

I have seen a couple of mum 'influencers' on Instagram writing posts about how it's not fair we have breastfeeding month when so many mums can't/didn't breastfeed, and we should start a formula feeding month too.

AIBU to think this is totally unnecessary?

Disclaimer - Not looking to start a breast v bottle debate

But no one needs encouragement to ff; it’s everywhere, the default option, promoted ALL the time and widely available.

This is actually bollocks. If you read my previous post as well as posts from many others you would see that plenty of mothers could definitely do with encouragement to FF, when BF struggles are causing them serious mental health issues. I did both and I can absolutely guarantee you the stress of feeling like FF would damage my babies - a view reinforced by NHS policies not to advise or give help on FF caused me a lot more stress than people sneering at my for BF.in public.If you BF sure some ignorant people might think you're weird but NOBODY thinks you're a negligent mother fpr it and I can promise you that is the difference.

And FF isn't promoted. That's illegal.

But why on earth would a HCP suggest formula to a breast feeding mother who wasn’t struggling? What would be the need? Or the point?

If a breastfeeding mother states that she is struggling and wants to swap to formula then that is her decision to make and should be supported, but formula feeding shouldn’t be suggested if there is no need for it to be used.

Over 80% of women, when pregnant, say they want to breastfeed when the baby is born. For the other 20%, if they still want to formula feed when the baby arrives then they should be given the correct advice.

I recently completed a year of NCT training and there was lots of information around bottle feeding, and when I sat in on the breast feeding teaching sessions a lot of information on bottle feeding was also given to the parents.

UNICEF work with the WHO to try and improve breast feeding rates and even on their websites there are information leaflets for parents on how to bottle feed.

The Baby Friendly Initiative (which is a status that the whole country is trying to achieve regarding the protection of breast feeding) also have lots of information about bottle feeding on their webpages.

Staff who are trained to support with infant feeding (midwives and Heath visitors for example) ARE allowed to discuss bottle feeding / formula feeding with parents if that is the feeding method they choose.

Any HCP who refuses to have these discussions with new mothers are not acting professionally and need to be reported.

I don't think there needs to be a month devoted to it but perhaps a campaign to promote the happy mum, happy baby message around feeding would be good.
I had pnd after both my children and for various complex reasons tried and stopped breastfeeding both times but I felt awful and guilty about it too. I'd see other mums breastfeeding and felt inadequate like I'd failed.
I knew it was the right decision for me but society and the medical profession still push their bias to breastfeeding and I think it needs to be handled more sensitively.

But it wouldn’t be ‘suggesting’ would it? As I said, provide information on both, mum makes up her mind then asks for help with whatever she needs. Isn’t that the best way?

And the view that everyone bar a tiny minority can actually BF if they JUST TRY HQRDER (a view reinforced by mothers whwho did try hard and got it going - good on them for that) is one of the hardest things to hear when you did absolutely everything in your power for months, sometimes causing mental health problems for mothers and malnutrition for babies.
I could cry when I look back at some of the photos from the first 3 months of my babies lives they were so thin, they look half starved. but women are lied to even about giving formula top ups. I was repeatedly told giving bottles as well as breast would mean they would reject the breast and this was BAD. its not true and it IS the absolute minimum I actually needed to do to keep them healthy. My babies were in the 0.4 and 3rd centile for weight because I could not produce enough milk for 2, even when almost continuously attached to a pump and taking domperidone. But yeah sure that's better than giving them formula as well right? Honestly this is all so fucking triggering. I could cry. And still people think its because I didn't try hard enough or didnt have enough support. And this is NOT uncommon.

I knew it was the right decision for me but society and the medical profession still push their bias to breastfeeding and I think it needs to be handled more sensitively.

100%

Its awful when mums who are struggling to breastfeed feel pressure from those in the medical profession to continue as the guilt it can cause to mothers it immense. I think HCP’s could probably do with some training on the long term emotional damage they can cause by not listening to or supporting mothers who make the choice to switch to formula feeding.

It’s not one or the other. Supporting formula doesn’t mean you can’t also support breastfeeding. It’s also perfectly possible to support breastfeeding without denigrating formula, or the issues that formula feeding mothers face.

Formula feeding mothers in this thread are saying they would have/ would currently appreciate the support. Because they’re not the same issues that breastfeeding mothers face does not mean they’re not issues worthy of addressing. Why shouldn’t women who formula feed have support? Why shouldn’t their choices, as autonomous adults, be respected?

You don’t have to invalidate one choice in order to support another. There’s room for both.

Of course - I have never said otherwise.

The WHO provide information on bottle feeding.
UNICEF provide information on bottle feeding.
The NCT provide information on bottle feeding.
The Baby Friendly Initiative provides information on bottle feeding.
NHS websites and leaflets provide information on bottle feeding.

The information is out there and is non-judgemental provided by those listed above who are classed as the main advocates for the protection of breast feeding.

There is no law to say that HCPs cannot inform and educate bottle feeding mothers, it is their professional duty to do so.

Hence why I said that if any HCP refuses to have these conversations then they should be reported.

I’m really sorry you went through that and you were clearly incredibly let down by the people who should have been helping you.

My story isn’t the same as yours but I had a lot of difficulties breast feeding my first and even though he’s 8 years old now, I can still get tearful when I recall how guilty and low I felt in my darkest moments.

Anyone who makes you feel like you didn’t try hard enough is an absolute arsehole

I think this thread demonstrates why ff mums feel like they do. We've got the militant breastfeeding mums, we've got the NHS professionals not wanting to say the wrong thing from the script and we've got a lack of understanding around what's led up to ff.

Here's what led me to ff...
3 day labour, forceps, torn artery, 3 litre blood loss, blood transfusion. No one said to me, you've been through a lot, your milk might take a while, etc. They pushed me in hospital to bf. Consequently, first day we got home, ds went floppy through dehydration so back in we went. Formula from then on.

Second baby. Planned to try breastfeeding again but she had to go into special care and nil by mouth for a while. This caused great stress and I just couldn't emotionally cope with breastfeeding too. Formula from then on.

Add to that my own pnd and pna. Ff allowed others to help me which I totally needed. When I read all that back, I think yes I did the right thing but I still felt/feel guilty and a failure. So attitudes need to change, there does need to be more compassion and understanding, particularly around the mental health aspect. Everyone's story is different.

In my experience NCT were fair in that they covered bottle feeding. I mostly let it wash over me because I was adamant I was going to bf.
But shit happened. And once I'd given birth the breast is best narrative was the only one I heard. I was made to feel guilty by every health professional that I failed at bf because I wasn't trying hard enough. The absolute gaslighting. In addition to this I knew my baby couldn't do it and was told he's just a lazy boy.
Turns out I was right and he has a disability. Again, the absolute gaslighting. It was either I was doing it wrong or not forcing him enough. He literally would have died if I hadn't FF.
And yes, god the toll on my relationship with my baby. Hours of someone else holding him whilst I pumped. Being told I just needed to try harder or he's get it eventually I kept it up for months. Got no sleep. Developed severe and I mean severe pnd. And for what? After all the pumping HCP deemed pumped milk on par with FF anyway.

You cannot underestimate how damaging the bias in the NHS is. As I said previously, despite all my history I'm not receiving the same script from midwife for baby two despite it being so bad for my baby.
Incidentally, when I gave up pumping and trying to bf my son made the most progress. Neuroplasticity is unpredictable, but I believe getting.proper attention from his mum helped enormously.

Absolutely fuck off with your non promoting bollocks. Shame on you for denying mums options

@DobbyHasASock I totally understand. And I'm so sorry you went through that. It is SO damaging.

@DobbyHasASock totally agree. There is a bias in the NHS which is wrong because (as in my case when ds went floppy through dehydration) when bf doesn't work and your child suffers, it puts more strain on NHS services which doesn't help anyone. It could have been avoided if someone had used their best judgement and common sense rather than sticking to the standard NHS script.

Interestingly, I had a private midwife for dc2 who was also NHS. Because I saw her privately, she was far more realistic and understanding. Because she, as a professional, used her own judgement without having targets to meet (privately). A very different, less pushy experience for me with that midwife.

@Faciadipasta thank you, I would not wish it on anyone.
At the same time it would be lovely if the read the tin brigade could develop a smidge of empathy or actually engage.
Have to remember not al bf mums are so callous. I've some supportive bf friends as well as the judgemental ones.

Indeed, The thing is, I would like to bf my due baby if I can. But I'm so nervous because I know from experience the NHS will push it beyond the point of good sense and having not successfully breastfed I've no idea what safe bf looks like. I'm worried as babies do die die to pushing of bf above all others, this is I believe why the fed is best campaign started.
And as I said, the midwife insensitively pushes it is quite difficult for me emotionally. Not helpful at all.
A helpful stance would be acknowledging that this pregnancy is different and whilst it might mean I am able to bf, it's no guarantee. Acknowledging the guilt and toll on my mental health would help too.

But it's so much easier to parrot a three word slogan and treat me like a smoker or crack user because I've expressed the opinion it might not work out for me.

I’m so surprised by all these comments about the NHS, because my experience was the exact opposite! I was desperate to breastfeed, but my baby was struggling to latch and wasn’t gaining weight. So instead of ANY breastfeeding support, I was told to formula feed. And then I was told to increase the formula, again and again, until my breast milk had almost dried up, at which point I was told I had better just formula feed the . I was given plenty of advice on formula, including which formula to use (yes, the most expensive one!) by midwives, nurses, GPs etc. I was made to feel selfish for wanting to breastfeed, and stubborn for pushing it so hard. So clearly my experience is completely different to most of yours, but that is why in my opinion, there is no need for a formula awareness month, as it is pushed and pushed and pushed by my local NHS.

And just to say, I am now exclusively breastfeeding, because I paid for support, and sought help from the NCT etc. so the problems were not insurmountable (although so so hard) but I did need help, which the NHS should have given.

@wedonttalkaboutyouno do you mind if I ask which area of the country you are in? I wonder if its a regional.thing maybe? In London where I am BF is absolutely the norm and the NHS do nothing to help with FF. Even if you are actually in hospital and have been told to give formula top ups by the pediatrician, they still do not provide any formula or advice at all. Then every single health professional works to try and get you to stop FF even if as in case it's just supplemental and has been recommended by doctors. I was told that as my babies had regained the last weight I should stop.the top ups or I'd never produce enough milk. Obviously they just lost weight again. It seems to HVs, midwives and plenty of others it's better to have malnourished babies than add any formula at all...
No matter what damage that does to mothers mental health or their babies physical health

This is my experience too of the Trust I work in.

The maternity department are awful, they hardly provide any breast feeding support and give formula at the first sign of any problem…for example if newborn baby hasn’t breast fed for 4 hours they give the mum a bottle of formula.

The Paediatric unit are the same when it comes to babies who are re-admitted for breast feeding difficulties, rather than try and support the mother to overcome the feeding difficulties the doctors just throw formula at the problem.

Formula is handed out like sweeties where I work.

@DreamToNightmare can I ask where you are too, if you don't mind?
It's so weird that the treatment in your area is literally the opposite of what we experienced (london)
I just don't get how policy can be so vastly different depending on region.

@Faciadipasta I’m in Hampshire. It’s crazy that things are so different, but I think the underlying cause is a lack of support services overall, which is absolutely scandalous.
@DreamToNightmare that sounds exactly like mine. When we were finally admitted to paediatrics after weeks of poor weight gain, someone finally sat with me to look at my baby’s latch, which apparently wasn’t right, and then I was promptly told that I must give her formula, and despite my tears, they sat and fed her a bottle right there and then. After weeks of struggling, I wasn’t strong enough to know whether this was right or not. I then had bottles and bottles handed to me, like sweets like you say, and told I must use them. And then I was given no follow up.
For those people on the thread who say it doesn’t matter how your baby is fed, for some of us it really really does matter. That’s what those HCPs did to me, and they made me feel totally worthless.

It isn’t about policies though because the care that is being given actually goes against all the policies in the hospital surrounding breast feeding support and the management of feeding difficulties etc.

The fact is that the midwives either don’t care about breast feeding or don’t have the time to support mothers and so simply give them mothers formula instead. Formula is the go to when it comes to any breast feeding problem, no matter how minor. For example, I have even known of a mother be given a bottle of formula when her baby was 11 hours old because he had only breast fed twice since he was born.

I believe that short staffing and bed management plays a large part in why formula is so easily handed out in Maternity as opposed to investing time in getting the breast feeding off to the right start.

I work with about 30 babies a month who end up back in hospital due to breast feeding difficulties and the stories I hear are horrifying in terms of what “support” and “education” received in Maternity.

I am based in the West Midlands.

This is so, so horrifying and it shouldn’t be happening. People have no idea how heartbreaking it can be for some women when breastfeeding doesn’t go as planned and staff have no awareness of the emotional damage they can cause by making the mother feel like she wasn’t good enough or that she failed.

When I was in hospital with my first baby the breastfeeding hadn’t been going well and his sugars were a little low and so on Day 2 of life the midwives said he needed some formula and sat in front of me and gave him a 30ml bottle of Apatamil. I have never felt as much of a failure as I did in those few short minutes. I couldn’t even bring myself to watch her give him the bottle. It was horrendous.

Stories like yours really upset me.

Thankfully I work in a role that means I have a lot of power to stop this from happening but I’m sure it happens to thousands of women every day across the country and it’s so, so wrong.

Formula is the go to when it comes to any breast feeding problem, no matter how minor.

But for me I needed formula. My babies were losing so much weight they were sent to A and E. I was ordered to give them top ups along with BF and then as soon as we were home I was told to stop. They lost weight again. To the point that the HV was coming round every 3 days or so to weigh them. They were clearly malnourished and I was struggling mentally with PND, terrified people would think I was starving them or that I just didn't want to breastfeed because I was a bad mother". I tried literally everything. It took over my whole life, and everyone I saw was acting like this was fine and normal. I was too mentally unwell to see it was neither.
And I had twins so looking back it really can't have been a surprise that I didn't produce enough milk. But STILL I was told not to FF even supplementally. No its better to use domperidone, pump constantly, not leave the house for months because there wasn't time between the feeding, weighing and pumping and not even have a chance to bond.