‘But there’s no toilet roll’

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Dh has just pissed me off.
Currently a sahm (worked full time for 17 years before having Dd)
Sat down eating dinner and Dh asks what we’ve done today…often says this and asked if we’ve been anywhere, with a look on his face as though I should’ve gone out. say no and that we don’t go out everyday, he gives a funny look and says ‘But there’s no toilet paper?’ I say, yes dd just finished the last of it before..and. He looks v clearly at me as though ‘Well shouldn’t you have gone out to the shop then’ type face.
Dd, 4, is a handful at the moment (as he’s well aware) it often takes me ages to get her ready to go out, we were out last night at a fair so she was tired, I was doing washing and making dinner for everyone when the toilet paper ran out,
Yes I’m usually on top of things and would’ve gone and got it..today I didn’t.
Also, yes, sometimes we stay in, I have jobs to do, Dd plays etc etc
Aibu to feel pissed off that I’m expected to act like some bloody stepford wife and immediately jump into action when required?

I get you. I hear you. Solidarity.

If you noticed it was running low, why didn't you ask DH to grab some on his way home?

I get angsty if we are down to just one spare roll (in the holder thing) so yes YABU as I think you should have kept on top of it or at the v least text DH to get some on the way home!

OP, I really can't see why you didn't get any loo roll days earlier. It's not rocket science and is about the only thing in the house that is an absolute must have.
I'm with your husband on this. He's working, you're a SAHM, you have a 4 yr old, not a very young baby. Leaving things until past the last minute causes even more hard work than getting your act together in the first place.

Perhaps could have sent him a quick text to ask him to get some on his way home? That’s probably the route I’d have taken. All a bit petty though, it’s just bog roll.

Sounds like you've had a tough day and the loo roll comment tipped you over the edge... not worth falling out over. When you feel a bit calmer I'd tell him how you've been feeling and whichever is easier for you so either ask if he wouldn't mind getting some or say you could do with a bit of headspace and will nip out for some yourself. School hols can be really draining so solidarity x and hopefully tomorrow is a better day x

I was going to text him to ask him..but that would’ve resulted in him probably moaning why he had to get it and why I couldn’t have got it…

By the way, I have the loo roll now…two huge packets..,I won’t ever run out again, I promise 🙄

Then he should buy some toilet roll

1.Because he was at work and she was at home.

2.Because she said DD used it all up - he wouldn’t have known that.

Agreed!!

Op I cannot believe how everyone is desperate to prove that they would never run out of bog roll. We've all been there and run out. We normally have so much in the house (3 bathrooms) that I don't bother checking and of course it'll be bloody typical that will be the time we run out. Then we have to rummage through the car for travel tissues!

You are not unreasonable to stay home all day and it is not unreasonable to sometimes drop the ball and not have a perfectly stocked house, it was also not unreasonable for you to have carried on cooking the dinner when the loo roll ran out ...presumably dinner was for dh's benefit as well.

What is totally bloody unreasonable is for your dh to notice there was no loo roll and decide that it was your job to fix it. My dh would have asked if we had some stashed anywhere and if not he would have gone to get some, or offered to let me escape if I looked like I'd had a right day of it.

This is slightly different though OP. You shouldn’t be doing everything.

No need to be facetious. It’s kind of understood isn’t it? In the early days of childcare, one of you makes life comfortable for the family by bringing in the money and one of you makes life comfortable for the family by running the house.

Absolutely! She is a SAHM, Id be expecting her tot be on top of supplies. Its hardly brain surgery. Im wondering what jo OP had before having her child.

It wasn't until the great toilet roll shortage of 2020 that I even knew that people could run out of loo roll and that there are people who buy a small pack every week and then panic when the supply runs out. <insert obligatory disclaimer about people who live in bedsits and have no money, but most people aren't in this position>.

We get a big pack from Costco and then replace it when we're down to the last few rolls. This meant that we had enough to see us through the early weeks of the pandemic when the rest of the country were losing their minds.

We did come close as Costco had run out when we needed it and we were nearly at the stage when we'd need to get it from somewhere else, which we didn't thankfully, because when I looked, I couldn't believe how expensive it was in other places.

I suspect this isnt really about the loo roll at all and more the fact the op feels taken for granted by her dh, you sound burnt out op, go out and get some loo roll now and take your time, let dh deal with dd for a little while and take a breather. Being a stay at home mum can be all consuming and at times overwhelming esp if you have a child with challenging behaviours. so you forgot the loo roll it's not the end of the world, some of these comments are a bit harsh no one here knows ops living situation her dd could have additional needs, she could be suffering with depression ,anxiety, maybe she is just having an off day! Best wishes op x

I suspect the reason you're really upset here is because you know you had no excuse to not just go out and get the toilet paper, and you're annoyed that he's called you out on it. So you're defensive and trying to use DD being ill/ difficult as an excuse.

In reality, it really isn't all that difficult to just get up off your butt and go to the shops, with one (????) 4yr old in tow. I've got a 3yr old (challenging) and a 1yr old (challenging) and I'm a SAHM and I can promise you, there's not a chance I'd let the toilet paper run out. What would you wipe your arse on? A flannel? Some kitchen roll?

I know you also didn't ask for my opinion on this, but I'm gonna give it to you anyway. If I tried to keep my 3.5yr old at home all day without going out, you can bet your arse he'd be difficult to handle too.

It’s because he’s given you a funny look for one thing you haven't done and not acknowledged all the other things you do. And it makes you feel rubbish

Do you need a contract that spells out everything? Will run into shit tons of pages. Do you not function at home without a contract?

You’re SAHM to one four year old - I’d say shopping/stock taking of household supplies absolutely is your job. I’m a SAHM and even when I had a baby and an autistic toddler I’d expect to go shopping for essentials during the day if we needed something. Yeah, he’s being an arse about it and should be more gracious about the fact everyone occasionally forgets things but the whole “we are equally responsible for the household” stuff doesn’t really wash if only one of you is working unless there’s disability or something going on. But clearly this set up isn’t working for any of you so as you say best you go back to work.

Of course its The Woman's job to notice the loo roll is getting low, and go buy some. If a man did it his penis would drop off.

I don't think it's unreasonable to expect you to be on top of the basics, but appreciate that you've had a tough day, and perhaps an unexpected run out due to your husband over-using. Have you spoken to him about his excessive consumption and suggested he needs to ensure that he has enough as he is the principle user?

When can you get back to work? Are you confident in your H pulling his weight when you do?

As an aside to previous comments, plenty of countries don't allow you to flush bog roll down the loo and require you to put it in the bin instead. I've just spent several weeks in one, and it's absolutely fine. So using something that you can't flush but can bin, like kitchen towel, is fine as a stop gap.

Presumably he also has eyes, could
see the loo roll was getting low and could have stopped off on his way home as he was already out?!

Stuff like this can be a right pain if you have a challenging child. It would take me as an unaccompanied adult no time at all to nip and get some. But either getting my difficult
four year old on onside, or just dragging her along would take all afternoon and every last shred of patience - she was so resistant to everything it was a mental mission, as much as a physical one. The difference with just being able to pop out now mine is old enough to be left for half an hour has been a fucking revelation. Things like that are no big deal again.

If my DP dare even said that to me knowing he's a full blown capable man to get some himself I'd be telling him to use his bloody hand! Also will be tempted to rub his toothbrush around the toilet bowl but I'm not at that stage of insanity... YET.

His delivery was awful and rude but I have a 4 and crazy 3 year old and I manage to pop to the shops.

I’d say exactly the same if OP was a stay at home Dad. It has nothing to do with her being a woman.

One four year old and a sahm, goodness it cant be that hard to keep on top of things