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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sister threw DS out of the photo

1000 replies

HellMc · 18/08/2022 15:03

My DS (10) has always pulled silly faces in photos, he’s done it since he was a toddler. We tried getting him to stop but it’s like he can’t help himself so we just got on with it. We assumed if we didn’t make a fuss out of it he’s grow out of it but he didn’t. All of his school photos have silly faces etc and now we just laugh. The only photos we have of him not doing a silly face are the natural ones he didn’t know we were taking.

Anyway yesterday me, DS, sister, her kids and my other sisters son went on a day out a national heritage site. Sister wanted a group photo of all the kids so they all stood together in front of the ruins. Sister then said to DS “either stop pulling faces or stand over there out of the photo” 😱 it came as a shock as everyone was laughing at him initially and then she suddenly got mad. I told her I thought she was being a bit harsh and she said “sorry but I’ve been trying to take a nice photo of them all all day for mum and he’s ruined every one so far”.

I told DS to just this once not pull a face but he continued doing so so sister told him to get out of shot. She then took the photo of the other kids and said “there, finally mum will have a photo for her wall”.

so I said mum would want all the kids together so she said “actually, mum told me to take the pic without your ds if he insisted on pulling a face, she was annoyed with the last lot of photos I took her because he’d ruined them all.

I feel hurt, not just about my sister but also what my mum (his grandma!) has clearly been saying!!

AIBu to feel hurt at DS being excluded from a family photo that is destined for my mums wall??

OP posts:
mountainsunsets · 18/08/2022 15:18

I'm 100% with your sister.

Your DS is more than old enough to know how to sit for a photograph.

themimi · 18/08/2022 15:18

themimi · 18/08/2022 15:17

Some posters on this feed are too much. Op is upset where she bu or not, you don't need to be horrid about her son or her as a parent. Op - please don't take any of these nasty comments to heart.

That should have said 'whether' she is bu or not

Relaxalotl · 18/08/2022 15:18

I think what your sister said was fair enough. She offered him the choice and made the consequence of him pulling a silly face clear. Assuming he really doesn't have SEN, it was his choice to make and he chose not to be in the photo.

Notanotherwindow · 18/08/2022 15:18

Well he isn't a toddler any more. It's time he grew up a bit. 10 is far too old be acting like a 5 year old. He shouldn't be allowed to ruin every photo, it's perfectly fair to say that if he can't behave, he isn't included. I wouldn't want him in the picture either if he was pulling silly faces. Just parent him ffs and make him stop or accept that he isn't going to be included.

colourmebladd · 18/08/2022 15:18

My own DS does this. He's prone to playing the fool and I wouldn't change that because he is lovely and happy and funny but with photos it is just infuriating......

I totally back your sister and mum as I have thrown DS out of photos too Grin

Ihatethenewlook · 18/08/2022 15:18

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Johnnysgirl · 18/08/2022 15:18

but natural ones are always nicer imo
Oh, give over!

SuperCamp · 18/08/2022 15:19

Well maybe if you didn’t undermine every attempt by other people to get him to be sensible for 30 seconds he would stop.

If you think it is nervousness talk to him about it. Ask if he feels self conscious . Maybe suggest imagining he is looking at gramma and smiling at her. Say ‘saying cheese is daft, stand there and say the alphabet backwards in your head’ . Something that might help.

Do not be off with your sister or mum about this, they are not at fault.

UWhatNow · 18/08/2022 15:19

You’re letting him getting away with, and making excuses, for being a dick and messing things up for other people. No wonder your sister and mother are rolling their eyes behind your back…

themimi · 18/08/2022 15:20

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So unnecessarily rude!

Eileen101 · 18/08/2022 15:21

YABU, not everyone wants to entertain this kind of behaviour. I'm surprised he's not had that kind of ultimatum before. He's 10 and old enough to understand that the world doesn't revolve around his want to pull a silly face 🤷🏼‍♀️

Ivchangedmynameforthis · 18/08/2022 15:21

This would drive me up the wall. I work in SEN and have a child in my class that does this. As it's a SEN school most evidence is photo based so causes huge issues. If I had to do this at home as well with a non SEN child I'd absolutely react like your sister.

10HailMarys · 18/08/2022 15:21

HellMc · 18/08/2022 15:11

I think he gets nervous about how to act in photos. No additional needs. He’s a very sweet boy, never in trouble at school and he doesn’t act up any other time, it’s just in photos.

If he's nervous about being in photos then he shouldn't be bothered when he's told he can't be in them, then.

If someone specifically tells you not to do something you are actively doing, you stop doing it whether you're nervous or not. My friend does this weird twisty thing with her foot when she's nervous about photos, but if someone says 'Can you just put your foot down normally for a sec?' she realises what she's doing and stands normally.

He knows how to act in photos, which is not to pull a stupid face. Your sister told him that. He ignored her.

PeekAtYou · 18/08/2022 15:21

He's far too old to do this every time. Yabu not to expect more from him- he's 10 not 2.

momonpurpose · 18/08/2022 15:21

Your sister did what you should have done a long time ago. You should thank her

Sharrowgirl · 18/08/2022 15:22

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Gosh. Are you having a bad day or something?

gymbummy · 18/08/2022 15:22

I'd be surprised if other people consider him very well behaved other than this one oddity. I suspect a lot of things you find funny, other people regard as him dicking about making a tit of himself. It's your job to show him the difference between the two things.

MrsTerryPratchett · 18/08/2022 15:22

Just a plea for everyone to stop calling the child names. By all accounts he's a nice boy 99% of the time.

The parenting is the issue. DD likes to look miserable in photos. The rule is I don't care but she needs to smile for GPs etc. The parents are the issue here, not the child.

yonce · 18/08/2022 15:22

YABU - she didn't throw him out of anything, he wasn't behaving appropriately. He's 10 not 2!

ZeroFuchsGiven · 18/08/2022 15:22

He does it because you think its funny and never stopped him doing it. Good on your Sister for teaching him a life lesson, No one wants to spend time with a constant clown I'm afraid.

Rainbowqueeen · 18/08/2022 15:22

Put yourself in your mums shoes. All she wants is a lovely photo of her grandchildren to display and she hasn’t been able to have that for years because of your sons antics.

I feel really sorry for her.

Practice with your son at home until he gets used to the camera and have a chat with him about being kind.

AllyBama · 18/08/2022 15:23

HellMc · 18/08/2022 15:11

I think he gets nervous about how to act in photos. No additional needs. He’s a very sweet boy, never in trouble at school and he doesn’t act up any other time, it’s just in photos.

Well… no excuse then is there? If you’ve been laughing at him doing it for 10 years, of course he’s going to carry on doing it. And if he was specifically told not to on this occasion, and he’s completely neurotypical as you say then he’s probably just doing for the laughs, and you haven’t taught him any different after all these years. I don’t blame your mum or sister at all.

londonrach · 18/08/2022 15:23

Yabu. He 10 not 2. Unless he has sen which might be the reason if he can't stop this behaviour for a few minutes I totally understand why your your sister did this.

annoyedneighbour1 · 18/08/2022 15:23

He sounds like one of those awfully irritating kids you can't stand to be around.

If he doesn't like not being in the photo, he can just not pull the stupid face. Simple as.

Hercisback · 18/08/2022 15:23

He's 10, old enough to know better. He was warned and the consequence followed. Maybe next time he'll smile.

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