Sister threw DS out of the photo

[HellMc]

My DS (10) has always pulled silly faces in photos, he’s done it since he was a toddler. We tried getting him to stop but it’s like he can’t help himself so we just got on with it. We assumed if we didn’t make a fuss out of it he’s grow out of it but he didn’t. All of his school photos have silly faces etc and now we just laugh. The only photos we have of him not doing a silly face are the natural ones he didn’t know we were taking.

Anyway yesterday me, DS, sister, her kids and my other sisters son went on a day out a national heritage site. Sister wanted a group photo of all the kids so they all stood together in front of the ruins. Sister then said to DS “either stop pulling faces or stand over there out of the photo” 😱 it came as a shock as everyone was laughing at him initially and then she suddenly got mad. I told her I thought she was being a bit harsh and she said “sorry but I’ve been trying to take a nice photo of them all all day for mum and he’s ruined every one so far”.

I told DS to just this once not pull a face but he continued doing so so sister told him to get out of shot. She then took the photo of the other kids and said “there, finally mum will have a photo for her wall”.

so I said mum would want all the kids together so she said “actually, mum told me to take the pic without your ds if he insisted on pulling a face, she was annoyed with the last lot of photos I took her because he’d ruined them all.

I feel hurt, not just about my sister but also what my mum (his grandma!) has clearly been saying!!

AIBu to feel hurt at DS being excluded from a family photo that is destined for my mums wall??

At 10 he needs to learn

Good for your sister. He sounds incredibly irritating and is definitely old enough to know better.

I feel hurt, not just about my sister but also what my mum (his grandma!) has clearly been saying!

you need to put your big girl pants on and accept that almost everyone on this thread as well as your family find his behaviour annoying. Start tackling it with your DS. Use this event to teach him about how his behaviour impacts others and tell him that he needs to grow up in this respect and is not a toddler any more. If there were younger kids there maybe point out how they were able to follow orders and so should he. Then tell him you will practice as a family so he has a safe space to learn in.

I agree 100% with your sister and mum. Your son is 10, he should behave himself.

Hes 10 and knows full well how to behave.

Whilst im not into big orchestrated pictures i understand why your sis is pissed off. If im taking a photo we might do some silly faces then ill say smile nice for some variation.

He should be able to control himself quite frankly so YABU

He’s 10yo and sounds a bloody nightmare. Why haven’t you sorted him out before now?

He was given a choice
He chose to pull a face
He was asked to move

He's getting attention from acting the fool and needs to learn to respect other peoples feelings

Literally a couple of seconds for a photograph

He sounds a brat and you're condoning his behaviour

YABU

Why did you tell him not to pull a face "just this once", op?
You make it sound like it's perfectly fine behaviour (as evidenced by you laughing at the ridiculous school photos) but could he possibly indulge his aunt with her outrageous request, just to be nice?

Gosh, i get why you're upset at your son not being in a photo with all his cousins for his granny, but really the target of your Ire is the wrong person. It's not down to SIL who was doing what your mum asked. It's not down to your mum, if she wants a lovely photo of her grandchildren.

It's your son who should have grown out of this long ago, and you (and maybe his dad?) who have allowed this situation to arise.

Does he have a passport? If not - you need to start practicing for that. If he has - how did you stop the gurining?

Then he needs to practice on repeat. What's he going to do when he gets a job and needs a photo taken for ID or a passport

Your sister did the right thing. What a great lesson for your DS. His behaviour is totally ridiculous and he needs to be called out on it. However I’d try and understand of the real reason why he keeps doing that.

If he really hates being in photos, I think he should have that choice.

I am really unphotogenic and hate having my picture taken. So just stay out. Events with my ILs are a pain because everyone is constantly having a camera poked at them. I feel the day is more about the photos than enjoying the moment.

So I would reassure your Ds that if he simply doesn’t want to be in pics, that’s ok. But if he is, just get in with it. With some tips on how to feel less self conscious.

I agree with everyone else, he can choose to pull a silly face in all photos, other people can also choose not to take a photo of him pulling a silly face. He’s more than old enough to understand consequences and if he doesn’t, that’s on you to fix, it’s not for others to have to indulge him.

I'm obviously in the minority, but I think it's weird your mum would rather not have a photo of her grandchild than have one of him being himself. It's not like he's flicking the Vs in photos, he's just pulling a silly face!

(My dad HATES having his photo taken - I have about 3 photos of him not doing a silly face, because he hates it so much if you point a camera at him he always does a face. It's who he is, I'd much rather have dozens of photos of my dad than not).

I'm sorry, but I am with the sister on this. One photo very occasionally is not a big ask. Why does his wish to pull a face trump other peoples' wishes for a nice family picture?

It's gone far enough that the child's own grandmother has said that she finds it distressing. I'm sure she wants a nice picture of all of the children, and it's sad that she felt every single one from previous outings was spoiled. Couldn't he have just agreed to one, just for her? Just one? Without even looking at the camera, if he really can't contain himself.

It's seriously annoying behaviour and the sad outcome will be not many pictures of him as a child, and the possibility that he will have to tell people why as an adult. Also it's a bit sad that you asked him to behave and he still refused, ignored you and continued his antics to a point where he was asked to step aside.

Good luck getting him a passport photo or driving licence.

Then tell him you will practice as a family so he has a safe space to learn in.
Eh?

I told DS to just this once not pull a face but he continued doing so so sister told him to get out of shot.

He's 10.

You're the parent.

Do better.

He wasn't excluded, OP. He excluded himself.

Well done to sis for carrying through on consequences. You are doing him no favours.

And if you want a picture of all of them, take it yourself instead of moaning to sis.

I've done this with my own child and also my sister's children. Don't care if you're not in the photo (well I do a bit) but don't ruin it for others. Children often do it at school too but one word and they know to stop. I've never had a child not comply after being told once. Does it not bother you that you don't have any nice photos of him? I actually think a lot of children are prone to doing this; the reason they don't is because they are told it's misbehaving and as such they tend to stop by school age.

Fast forward 15-20 years, wedding photos being taken.
Mother of the groom "It's OK he's done that since he was a toddler, Ha ha."

Well he's not a toddler now so should stop acting like one. He's old enough to be able to follow instructions and act accordingly. Time to stop laughing at his silliness and start adopting the "mum stare".

I wouldn't pay for a professional photo if he did this in it. Also your sister was 100% right

As pretty much everyone has already said... YABU. He's 10, old enough to know he's irritating people with his behaviour. He was told he couldn't be in the photo of he pulled another face, he chose to pull a face and be excluded. Your sister did nothing wrong, your mum didn't want another ruined photo, also fair.

Team Sis. One of my nephews used to do this and it was fucking annoying. Every photo of Christmas or any other family gathering for about 5 years was spoiled. I bit my tongue at the time, but now I wish I hadn't.