AIBU Only the parents should change nappies?

[Mum070322]

I’m very keen on consent and protecting my baby’s privacy and prefer that only myself and my partner are the ones to change DS nappy ( 6 months )

Obviously I understand if we’re not available due to nursery eventually or if someone else is babysitting then I’m happy for someone else to do it however this has not yet been the case.

a while ago my MIL was over and my baby started crying and rather than just give him back decided to take it upon herself to change him (I was standing right there) he continued crying throughout the change and she gave him back straight after but it annoyed me as it wasn’t her place to change him.

I didn’t say anything at the time DS was 4 months and I was trying to be nice and friendly but starting to find her more overbearing and I’m getting close to drawing a line.

OP, I think you're crazy and unless you can get a grip on normal interactions, I feel really sorry for your son. This isn't normal behaviour.

Truly don't mean to be rude, but you asked AIBU and the answer is 100%.

Exactly this.

This is nothing to do with consent and privacy. If it was inconvenient for you to do the change, you'd be happy to have a stranger do it. It's about MIL getting a bit broody and 'taking it upon herself'.

I don't condemn your feelings about this. I am, however, worried that you don't seem to recognise what's happening here!

I suspect this may be your first baby. By the time you've had another two, you'll be grateful for your mil to change nappies. As another member said, if you can't trust your own family to change baby's nappy, bathe him, etc.., then you're suffering with paranoia, perhaps post natal depression even?

Obviously PFB 😂

What do you think now OP, when over 96% of the voters have said you’re being unreasonable? You said you can on here to gauge opinion, but every response you made seems defensive or combative. So now you’ve seen that the very large majority think you’re opinion is unreasonable can you see why? Or will you stick to your guns? Will it change what you do going forward?

I bet this is your first child?
You need to get over yourself.

Why do some people complicate life so much ? It’s a shitty nappy for God’s sake.

I change my cousins and always have. Even if their mum is there, sometimes it's nice to just let her have a drink in peace.

If I'm on the floor playing with them and I notice they need changing, the nappies are right there so I just do it. Why ask her to get up?

Gosh, you're really gonna suck all the joy out of parenting, grandparenting and any interaction anyone has with your child. Best of luck.

There are two elements here - that of grandma changing the nappy, and that she had done so without asking. People who have said OP is BU maybe missing the point of the second element. I would've thought by my reading that OP would be fine with the first part if she had been asked. The post one PP said about some kind strangers holding their baby whilst they had dinner - yes and that's great that people are helping each other out, but they also asked before they took your baby, didn't they?

I cannot imagine anyone handling my baby without first asking me or DH whether it was OK for them to do so, either specifically or under a blanket consent that whatever they deem necessary was fine!

One day your DS might have a child himself and your poor DDIL will get a DMIL from hell! YOU!! YABU and over the top (of bottom in this case).

He's your first born isn't he? 🥰 YABU but it's your child, your rules

posts like this are why I come on mumsnet. Of course she can change your baby. You’ll get play dates in a few years when you’ll have to wipe visiting kids bums. It’s not nice but it’s not a big deal.

It's your baby and you should only allow whatever makes you feel comfortable.

I do think a few comments on here are a tad harsh and instead of being critical consider if there is a deeper issue going on.

Are you reluctant to let anyone change the babies nappy because you are concerned about something happening to him or are you being a bit sensitive or overprotective?

If it is just your MIL getting on your nerves you need to set some boundaries if you do genuinely feel she's overstepping the mark.

If its not and your feeling a bit anxious I would consider speaking to your GP or midwife for some support.

Being a new mum can be hard going!

Best of luck.
xx

YABU

Stop the world, I want to get off. Asking consent from a 6 month old!!! Wtf
if said child’s grandparents you seen as a risk they wouldn’t be there in the first place and you have verified they aren’t…. However, I find your mindset on this completely wrong, seeing as there is NO NEED to be this way towards them.
the amount of aunts and uncles I have that say to me “ I can’t believe how you’ve grown, I use to change your nappies” get a grip and stop being ridiculous. I pray I never have a daughter in law like you.

Yabu.
Family members, close friends, nursery staff are all fine, random stranger no but a random stranger wouldn't change a nappy anyway.
If a grandparent changed my DCs nappies Id be grateful

i cannot tell you the number of times my sister handed one of her children to me and said that snappy change was due!
I also cannot tell you the number of times I have changed other children's nappies.
What is the big deal on this?
Baby or small child needs a nappy change, surely whoever is closest to the child, and is competent, does it?
For the record, on holiday with my sister, brother-in-law, and grandparents, I was the only person, who could do the bedtime nappy change without my niece screaming the place down.

I'm the same as you. Really sorry you're feeling like this because in my case, things have happened in my childhood which mean I don't trust family easily. I trust nursery staff a bit more. It might sound illogical to others but we've all had different experiences in our lives which make us who we are. I'm only starting to address the issues through therapy. I reckon you might want to look into that maybe... Good luck. It's so much harder for some of us to navigate parenthood than others who have been blessed with supportive loving families all the way through. You're doing a great job!

Don’t think OP is comming back. I would say shes got the messsge about her pedantic ways.

There are too many judgemental over the top comments on this thread. You have no idea what OP went through, she probably has a very valid reason as to being uncomfortable with this. People are showing themselves to be very cold hearted and critical for no reason here.

What a nasty little comment.

Have felt like this before then reality hit. If your going to ask anyone to help with childcare nurseries or trusted family members unfortunately someone else will have to change their nappy. Or you can suffer and not have any help

Sorry…I think you are being over the top….I’m guessing this is your first baby. Relax….your son won’t mind at all….that’s the job of nans….she changed your husbands bum too. In the 80s I taught breastfeeding…I’m a nurse and childrens nurse. It wasn’t unusual for mums to babysit each others babies and breast feed them when baby was hungry….as wet nurses used to do. There will be plenty to worry about in the future…your son having his nappy changed by a close relative that loves him isn’t one of th3 worries. You are lucky…be grateful.