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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Taking kids into adult caffe at leisure centre

153 replies

mamasharkdoodoo · 17/08/2022 21:36

I've recently joined a huge gym/ leisure centre.

There is an area for kids, with tables and games etc.

There is only one caffe and today I took my DC there.

I have never seen other kids in the caffe. It's like they only hang out in the kids room with their parents.

I felt like I had a few looks. My toddler kicked off after a while and I left immediately, as not to disturb people. Normal procedure.

Kids are definitely allowed in the caffe. I find it a bit sad and telling of our society that other parents don't seem to take their kids in the caffe. Kids are part of life.

Would you just stay in the kid area ? Do you think it's rude to take your kids to the caffe ?

OP posts:
converseandjeans · 17/08/2022 23:32

@mamasharkdoodoo

I used to be a member of David Lloyd before I had children & I left because I got fed up of kids chasing about the cafe area. Lots of older kids were unsupervised & I teach so just wanted to be able to sit quietly and relax.

There is a kids area so that's where most people will take their kids.

It doesn't sound like you are remotely worried anyway so why ask 🤷🏻‍♀️

VintageVest · 17/08/2022 23:37

I don't see what you did wrong here OP. Your kid obviously has as much right to use the cafe as anyone else. As soon as they made a disturbance, you left. All seems fine to me.

mondaytosunday · 17/08/2022 23:47

My old gym had a big cafe/restaurant and a smaller kids area partly partitioned off. I used to meet another mum at the pool with her kids and after the swim the kids would have something to eat and we'd have a glass of wine (such a cliché)! I loved it. Then she started having the kids join us as they were now 'old enough'. That ruined it. Instead of us having an adult conversation it was all about the kids, chatting about their stuff, dealing with any bickering etc, being interrupted a million times.
I spent plenty of time with my kids but only saw my friend once a week for an hour or so - I didn't want our kids there (snd none of them wanted to be there).
Other kids were around but most wanted to be in the kids area.
If I was on my own I'd probably either not stay or still have them in the kids area for everyone's sake.

Original poster
mamasharkdoodoo · 17/08/2022 23:49

converseandjeans · 17/08/2022 23:32

@mamasharkdoodoo

I used to be a member of David Lloyd before I had children & I left because I got fed up of kids chasing about the cafe area. Lots of older kids were unsupervised & I teach so just wanted to be able to sit quietly and relax.

There is a kids area so that's where most people will take their kids.

It doesn't sound like you are remotely worried anyway so why ask 🤷🏻‍♀️

In my gym there are child free spaces too. So people can always go there.

I ask, because it's quite alien to me that kids bother people this much and I had the feeling of perhaps being watched / plus I had seen no other kids in the cafe. So I Wondered if my suspicion was correct.

It changes nothing for me though. I'll continue doing my thing.

Although, if there actually was a separate area where the kids could play AND you could get food, then I would stay there and would see no need to leave the child friendly area.

OP posts:
Lunabun · 18/08/2022 06:57

I don't really have much of an opinion on this, except for that I can't imagine being bothered by the presence of children in many situations tbh, even loud ones. I just ignore the noise, as I do for any other loud noise you hear in public. Not fully sure what the issue is, but I appreciate that I seem to be an outlier here.

I'm interested though that you feel this is a British cultural issue, OP. I wonder if other people from other countries feel the same.

Lovemypeaceandquiet · 18/08/2022 07:16

I’m thorn here @mamasharkdoodoo because your stance.

“Kids are part of life”

YOUR kids are part of YOUR life. Believe it or not, some people choose not to have them in their lives. Some people might be going there for some peace and down time, and you should respect that IMO.

“Kids are part of society”

Of course, and that’s why there are HUNDREDS of places designated for babies, toddlers and small kids in general. I’d say 99% of public spaces welcome kids.

No baby, toddler or a child below 5 would enjoy going to a posh place. So it’s mind boggling why you feel the need of taking your toddler to such place, just to prove a point and “expose” those selfish, kids hating people to the “lovely” noise of your toddler kicking off.

HOWEVER

I’m also against not exposing kids to situations where they need to behave. There are places that can’t be turned into playground, so it’s important that children are taught when it’s inappropriate to run around and scream. It makes it easier when taking them on public transport for example or a café at a posh gym.

TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination · 18/08/2022 07:24

mamasharkdoodoo · 17/08/2022 22:46

I'll take my kids wherever I like I think !

Show quote history

Then don't fucking ASK what other people think!

FFS

supersonicginandtonic · 18/08/2022 07:33

@mamasharkdoodoo I do deal with children, every single day, some of the most neglected and vulnerable in society. Due to the stresses of my job I like to go and enjoy my down time without a toddler there. If you were as much as a "great" mother as you think you are, you'd be taking your child to a nice, child friendly place for lunch. Somewhere they don't necessarily need to be as well behaved or upset others.

Goldbar · 18/08/2022 07:37

If the area for kids offered food and drink, I would take my DC in there. It's a facility that is provided and we would make use of it. My DC would probably enjoy it more than the main area anyway.

If there is no food or drink provided in the kids' area, then it is not equivalent and we would go into the main cafe - either to collect food/drink and take it into the kids' area (if permitted) or to sit and eat/drink.

While we do take DC to more 'adult' cafes and restaurants sometimes and expect them to behave, I can't imagine not making use of a specific kids' facility at the gym if actually it's going to make everyone's lives more pleasant.

TeachesOfPeaches · 18/08/2022 07:41

In my David Lloyd you can get food and drink served in the kids area, are you certain yours isn't the same?

supersonicginandtonic · 18/08/2022 07:43

@Goldbar this is a voice of reason and every parent I know, myself included would take this sensible approach.

Original poster
mamasharkdoodoo · 18/08/2022 09:04

Goldbar · 18/08/2022 07:37

If the area for kids offered food and drink, I would take my DC in there. It's a facility that is provided and we would make use of it. My DC would probably enjoy it more than the main area anyway.

If there is no food or drink provided in the kids' area, then it is not equivalent and we would go into the main cafe - either to collect food/drink and take it into the kids' area (if permitted) or to sit and eat/drink.

While we do take DC to more 'adult' cafes and restaurants sometimes and expect them to behave, I can't imagine not making use of a specific kids' facility at the gym if actually it's going to make everyone's lives more pleasant.

Yeah the Kids area here does not have a cafe. So unfortunately adults will need to deal with seeing children in the only cafe in site. Shock Horror.

OP posts:
10HailMarys · 18/08/2022 09:28

OP, you've said yourself that the cafe is not, in fact, for 'adults only'.

Therefore you're making a big drama out of nothing by fretting about taking your kids in there.

rainbowmilk · 18/08/2022 09:47

What on earth is the point in this thread? The cafe isn't adults only so you know you're allowed to take your kids in there, and you also know why you were being looked at because you yourself have never seen anyone take their kids into it. It was a novelty and people were surprised. That doesn't equal the downfall of civilisation.

Places are massively more child-friendly than was the case three or four decades ago. There are very few places where you can guarantee you'll get an adult space (which is important, by the way, in the same way that children having a kids space is important). So it's not that everyone is kid-hating, it's that places which have a calm relaxed atmosphere are now very scarce and people get a bit antsy if they think they're in one that's about to be disturbed (as indeed happened with your child in the cafe).

My gym has strict hours in which kids can be taken, and it's the main reason why I joined. Not because I hate children, but because there aren't any other spaces I can think of where I'm guaranteed an adult atmosphere.

MrsMorton · 18/08/2022 09:51

Your whole thread is based on a perceived "look" from someone in a café- you clearly don't think you're being unreasonable but tbh, you sound like
more of a PITA than your kids would be.

CrimsonCountess · 18/08/2022 09:53

Ooh these are my favourite threads!

Op - aibu?

Everyone - yes actually you are

Op - No I'm not! How dare you! and then starts being snappy at everyone

BiFoldIsT · 18/08/2022 09:57

Are you also the kind of parent that takes their kids swimming at the designated adult only time? THAT gives me the fucking rage.

Original poster
mamasharkdoodoo · 18/08/2022 10:07

CrimsonCountess · 18/08/2022 09:53

Ooh these are my favourite threads!

Op - aibu?

Everyone - yes actually you are

Op - No I'm not! How dare you! and then starts being snappy at everyone

But it just proves my point doesn't it... that kids aren't seen as part of society and need to be hidden away.

I'm not snappy. I just have my opinion.

OP posts:
Original poster
mamasharkdoodoo · 18/08/2022 10:08

BiFoldIsT · 18/08/2022 09:57

Are you also the kind of parent that takes their kids swimming at the designated adult only time? THAT gives me the fucking rage.

No I don't do that

OP posts:
Original poster
mamasharkdoodoo · 18/08/2022 10:09

MrsMorton · 18/08/2022 09:51

Your whole thread is based on a perceived "look" from someone in a café- you clearly don't think you're being unreasonable but tbh, you sound like
more of a PITA than your kids would be.

The attitudes prove that people don't want kids around and I was correct in perceiving a couple of looks.

They can look all they want though Grin

OP posts:
DameHelena · 18/08/2022 10:18

If kids are allowed in the cafe then they're allowed, and no one should raise eyebrows at a kid being in there.

However, if I had the means to join a posh gym I would want one that had at least one child-free cafe. This doesn't mean I think kids should be 'hidden away', just that if I had the opportunity to spend time somewhere I knew I wouldn't get kid noise and disruption, I'd take it.
Again, this doesn't mean I or people who agree with me hate kids or want them hidden away.

SirenSays · 18/08/2022 10:20

If you really want to take them, go ahead, no one here is all that bothered. But it sounds miserable for all involved. People don't want to hear your toddler kicking off, you child was bored to tears and you had to leave anyway just to calm them.

MissTrip82 · 18/08/2022 10:23

Bit weird to have jumped from ‘is this ok’ to ‘I’LL TAKE THEN WHEVER I LIKE YOU DON’T CONTROL ME’

fine, don’t ask?

Personally I’d be mindful that some people will have put their kids in the crèche so they can have a precious coffee alone for ten minutes.

Original poster
mamasharkdoodoo · 18/08/2022 10:25

MissTrip82 · 18/08/2022 10:23

Bit weird to have jumped from ‘is this ok’ to ‘I’LL TAKE THEN WHEVER I LIKE YOU DON’T CONTROL ME’

fine, don’t ask?

Personally I’d be mindful that some people will have put their kids in the crèche so they can have a precious coffee alone for ten minutes.

Mine had been in the crèche too. Crèche was closed at this point..

OP posts:
Original poster
mamasharkdoodoo · 18/08/2022 10:32

So do you guys also think it's not OK to take children to Restaurants ans pubs ? Really just curious !

OP posts: