To ask what in life has made you saddest and how you ever got over it?

[Danceswithduck]

Something in life hasn’t worked out I hoped / expected it would. It feels a bit like heartbreak - that’s all I can liken it to.
Im so sad and could cry all the time. I cannot say what it is as it is so identifying to me.

What made you the saddest you’ve ever been and how did you get over it? Or learn to live with it?

Long story short, I had an accident that deprived me of a lot of things health wise but it was the way people I thought mattered treated me afterwards that really made me sad.
My employers, who I had given a huge amount to over decades washed their hands of me at the earliest opportunity once it became apparent that I was never going to be completely fit again. Friends very quickly lost interest once my accident was no longer news. Someone who I once considered one of my best friends and I supported through some really bad times in her life has never been to see me once since the accident and it's coming up to 4 years now. That kind of thing has made me much sadder than the actual injuries I received. I realised how much time and energy I had wasted on people who actually didn't give a fuck about me and dropped me like a hot potato as soon as I was no longer useful to them.
How have I got over it? Well I haven't really. Counselling has helped a bit and I have developed some new interests but I will never trust people quite the same again. Though to be fair, a few people have been the opposite - some people I didn't even know that well pre accident have proved to be truly wonderful and that does help.

My daughter moved out to live with her father over 4 years ago . I haven’t seen or heard from her in 2.5 years. She gets her A level results tomorrow - I won’t even be told them.

I’ll never get over it. The loss never goes

Jellyfish7
Please dont worry about her. My friend is similar (only child, no cousins etc). When her mum passed away (dad had died earlier) it was of course devastating but she has her own husband and son and fabulous friends who rallied round her. By contrast even their mother's death couldnt make my father & his sibling get on. You never owe a child a sibling.

4 unsuccessful rounds of IVF. I’m a resilient person but there was one Sunday when I literally couldn’t get out of bed, it was a physical and mental exhaustion like I haven’t experienced before or since. We could have had more cycles but I chose not to. It was devastating.

This song always helps me
Atlantis by Shane koyczan

Some lyrics

This is for every time
Love becomes the finest minute and the darkest hour.
This if for those who scour the streets
Wondering where the wild things went.
For the believers who leant us their madness.
This is for everyone we miss.

And this is for the children who were lost.
Sadness is nothing more than the cost of being able to smile
Once in a while.
And grief is the trial we stand to offer evidence
That your finger prints were left on our hearts
And our skin,

And in terms of proof,
Love can be demonstrated in giving.
Our lives consist of the efforts we give
In swimming towards the lost continent
Where you are rumoured to be living.

I'm in a similar boat and it is heartbreaking, every single day.

The death of my DM. She went far too young, when I needed her, and I’ve never got over it. Just learned to live with it.

So many things. Mum dying suddenly and unnecessarily some years ago. have never got over it and the feeling that I could have prevented it. Two friends hanging themselves, 2 friends dying very suddenly this year in their early fifties. My 17 year old ds seeing his friend mown down and killed by a speeding driver and the aftermath, court case etc and him having to be a witness when he should have just been carefree and having fun. It was all terrible. Plus years and years of working in a hospice and seeing so many tragic and terrible deaths that still haunt me .You just have to carry on, there is no other option really.

I'm wondering if you are the same Dances who came to a London meet-up many years ago.

The numb not eating and not sleeping phase is part of the recovery from grief. Follow your body and let it rest and repair. Each day at a time and inch by inch the odd grief free minute will stretch a little and the gaps between the good bits will become smaller as the sky becomes bluer and a sense of feeling returns.

A lot of things. EMDR therapy is the best for painful memories/experiences and their effects on your life. I'd recommend it for most people, especially if they've experienced trauma.

I’ve been fortunate that I’ve had a relatively simple first 40 years of my life. Nothing too traumatic in my personal life.
As a teacher, 4 of my students have died. It’s a sadness that I hold within me, and I make a point every year of remembering them all. Just cannot begin to imagine the pain that their parents and families feel.

My mum died over 20 years ago. My dad over 10 years ago. I can deal with it, but it's sad they never really got to meet their grandchildren for very long (mum met only one). A year before my mum died, one of my clise friends died, so I was just coming to terms with that when the rug was pulled from under me so to speak.

My mum dying. It was 6 years ago and still hurts, but now at least I can talk about her and be grateful that we had her. My sisters still won't talk about her.

DH mental health struggles. He has had two breakdowns, very shaky mental health in-between. About 12 years between them. He was very insular and when I was pregnant with DC1 until they were 2 I thought he might kill himself. He didn't. But up until breakdown last year, it was a concern. He has sought help and is improving a lot. Life is better, mostly.

How did I get over it? I coped by having to. Had to just be strong. I'm probably somewhat disconnected in my feelings. I had therapy. I just accepted that he may never get better but supported him to seek help when he was strong enough.

Dunno. It's not sad like a heart break or someone dying. Just... sad at what he missed because he was locked in to himself.

A friend died, tragically young. Her condition was misdiagnosed and would have been reasonably straightforward to treat.

I have no intention of getting over it; I think of her most days and how that kind and lovely person was robbed of the life she should have had.

My eldest was born with a life threatening illness. He wasn't expected to make it to his first birthday without transplant, but luckily he got it and he's here and fighting fit now (touch wood, always). My heart shattered in those months after his initial diagnosis; I spent my nights in hospital listening to his various machines beeping and planning his funeral (something I didn't tell me DH until recently), and that memory will never leave me. But he has mended my heart at the same time, just by being here.

Not being able to have children. And the trauma of eight years of trying.

I will never get over it, trying to learn how to carry it so it doesn’t make me regret my entire life. I’m even trying counselling, which I am quite cynical about. But having something happen to me that can never be fixed has changed me forever.

❤️ To OP and all who are struggling

You are everything! My mum was there for me every day and I respect and appreciate her so much for it. She sacrificed everything for my and my sister. What a woman!

My beloved Dad dying at 56. Learned to live with it for 14 years but still sad.

My son developing an addiction to drugs and not being able to save him or fix it.

My mum passing away 14 years ago. Time is most definitely it a healer and it pisses me off when people say it is. There are some things you just never get over and the pain is always there. Just writing this is bringing tears to my eyes.

I will always feel sad l couldn't give my dd a sibling due to early menopause - l know l am lucky to have one and there was no guarantee she would have got on with a sibling but l will never know and that makes me sad.

Mine's nowhere near as bad as all of these. My saddest period was after being dumped by someone I completely, head-over-heels loved. I thought he loved me but... turns out he didn't. I felt like my heart was physically broken, like my chest was heavy. It lasted months and months.

Big hugs. Maybe one day they’ll come back to us.. I remember the saying if you love someone let them go…….

The hardest and saddest was quite recent - having to sit my children down and tell them their Dad had just died. As I heard myself say the words, I knew life would never be the same. Their pain and devastation was and is utterly heartbreaking. But we're getting through it, developing coping strategies, talking and keeping going...because we have to.

💐💐